


Ken's sweet home

by tenmillionotters



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Human AU, M/M, Other, Parent-Child Relationship, Parenthood, Past Child Abuse, Trans Male Character, mostly fluff so it's all good
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-08
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2018-05-12 16:25:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 46,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5672545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenmillionotters/pseuds/tenmillionotters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ken has spend 2 of the 4 years of his life in an orphanage, until Renji decides to adopt him. It's the start of a new life for both of them, an adventurous and exciting one for little Ken and one full of challenges and little victories for his new parent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ken's new papa

**Author's Note:**

> This is the SECOND longer series I'm starting to write... Gott steh mir bei. Yes the title is based on the anime 'Chi's sweet home'

“So today is the big day.” 

The little boy looked up to his caretaker and nodded slowly. 

What was Mutsuki-san talking about? Ken couldn’t be bothered, he wanted to play… but they packed all of his things into a suitcase and he had to sit down and wait in the big entry hall. 

“I’m sure you’ll like your new home better than our orphanage.”

New home? Now he looked at his caretaker. “Home?” 

“Yes.” He kneeled down in front of Ken and smiled brightly at him. “Do you remember the nice gentleman who came to visit you quite often lately?” 

Ken nodded slowly. He did remember that man, there was such an oddly familiar feeling about him, but the boy couldn't put the finger on it. 

Would he come to pick him up? 

The caretakers often said that one of the children might get adopted one day, but Ken never thought that he'd be one of them.

“Can I say goodbye to everyone?” 

So he understood that this meant they wouldn't see each other again at least for a short while. 

Mutsuki nodded and took Ken's hand. 

It was a quiet small orphanage, the children here were all in need of intense care which the few caretaker happily provided. 

He glanced at the clock, it was midday. The kids usually played in the communal room now, so Mutsuki-san and Ken walked over there. 

Before they could enter the communal room, the large doors swung open and a few kids escaped a tall and slender man with oddly shaped teeth. 

“Ken!!” A little boy with shoulder long black hair exclaimed. He couldn't say much, except for ‘Ken’ and various names of sweets. The usually shy Juuzou wrapped his arms around the other boy and hugged him tightly. 

The other kids just stared at Ken while trying not to cry. This place had been his home for the past 2 years, leaving everyone behind wouldn't be easy… 

… but seeing how happy his caretaker were made the parting a little easier. 

After Shirazu-san had done his best calming the children down, he kneeled down in front of Ken and took his small hands. “Give me a promise, lil buddy.” 

A promise? … Ken wasn't sure if he could keep it, but he'd surely do his best. So he nodded eagerly.

“Come to visit us from time to time and be a good boy.” 

It was a little hard to nod when tears streamed down one’s face, but he still did. 

“Hey don't cry it'll be okay.” Ginshi laughed and hugged the little boy tightly. Letting him go wasn't easy, but he'd be so much happier living in a real home with someone who could take better care of him. 

A soft sniffling noise caught everyone's attention. “Take good care of yourself small Ken.” Yonebayashi-san wiped the tears off her face and hugged Ken shortly after he let go of Shiragin. 

Little hands cupped her cheeks. “Don’t cry. I'll come back.” 

He was also sad, he'd miss eating lunch with them and Yonebayashi-san’s homemade rice balls. The little boy didn't want to go… 

But as soon as the doorbell rang and Kuki-san let in Ken's new parent, he forgot about his worries. The little boy wriggled his way out of the woman's embrace and ran up to his new father. 

Without a warning he clung to his leg and stared up. 

“Hello there.” The man said, smiling warmly at the child before patting his head. 

Shirazu-san walked over to them and greeted the man, he tried to catch Ken's attention but he was only paying attention to his new dad. 

“Up.” The little boy said while stretching his tiny arms in the air. 

Strong hands lifted him up and shortly afterwards he found himself leaning against his father’s shoulder. 

“Yomo-san, please take good care of little Neki.” Yonebayashi-san only sniffled lightly at this point, she really tried to stay strong. 

“And come to visit us from time to time.” Shirazu added. 

He just nodded and gently patted Ken's back. “Hey… Wake up… Say goodbye to everyone.” 

It really had been a long day and little Ken was exhausted, feeling safe and warm in his father’s arms he fell asleep. 

After a while he blinked and opened his eyes. 

Large round eyes stared at the crowd and he waved lightly before going back to sleep. 

So this was the point where his life would take a different direction, but now it was time to dream of other adventures.


	2. Ken's new address

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You're soft. We had cats at the orphanage too, but they were stray. They didn't have parents or a home like me, now I do though...” Ken talked to Kumo like she actually understood him and she didn't move an inch away from the boys side as he spoke. “We're both adopted you know? We have the same papa.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter ;; feel free to comment ; it would make me very happy.

It was an one hour long car ride from the orphanage back to Tokyo. Ken slept the whole time and even when they arrived home the little boy was still asleep. 

Renji was surprised that he didn’t even wake up when he changed his clothes since it would surely be uncomfortable to sleep in jeans and a warm sweater.

Now he was more than just grateful for Hikari being around to assist him when it came to buying clothes for the little boy. 

They weren’t too sure what would fit him, they just went for a few pairs of shirt, pants and pyjamas until they could go out and properly choose clothes for little Ken. 

While his son was sleeping peacefully, Renji took the time to read one of the books that one of his coworkers got him as a birthday present. He groaned lightly as he realized that it was a romance novel. Why did they always tease him about his interest in these things - 

It took him 10 minutes to finally open the book and start reading, but now that he started it was hard for him to put the book aside. 

After a few hours Ken woke up and looked around. He was wearing a pyjama he had never seen before, this bed and bedroom were unfamiliar to him. Still being a little sleep drunk and dazed it took a while to remember what he was actually doing here. 

When he turned his head to the other side, he found his father sitting next to his bed. The little boy crawled out of the sheets and climbed on his father's lap and hugged him tightly. Even though he now knew what happened, he was still feeling unwell. 

Renji was a little surprised and put the book aside, he carefully wrapped his arms around the little boy and wasn't surprised to hear light sniffling. “It's okay… I didn't want to wake you up, you were so tired… I should have told you where we are in first place.”

Ken shook his head lightly and held onto his father a little tighter than before. “It's okay…” He was just too used to the orphanage, not being there now was… odd. 

Holding such a small child felt odd after the all the years that had passed since he held his niece and nephew like this. Not exactly like Ken though… maybe every child grew out of it, but he still knew how it felt, how they'd laugh and giggle while hugging their uncle tightly. 

Compared to that Ken's embrace felt different. It was desperate, pleading the other not to let go too soon. 

So out of reflex Renji held his son even closer, making sure that he knew that he was loved. 

The boy nodded slightly before burying his head in his father’s shoulder. It was odd, but he really felt safe now. “Papa…” 

“Hm?” 

“You're like a bear.” 

Even though he was used to all sorts of comparisons and comments about his appearance, Renji had to admit that this was a first timer for him too. 

“Do you like bears?” 

He nodded eagerly and looked at his papa. “They are strong and soft. Yonebayashi-san said they protect their children… They don't hurt them.” 

There it was again, this unpleasant feeling in the pit of his stomach. Not knowing what else to do, Renji gently patted his son's head. “I will always protect you, Ken.” 

“Like a bear?” 

“Like a bear.” 

For the first time in the 4 months that he had spent more time among the boy, he saw him smile genuinely. The man laughed and hugged him a little tighter, adopting Ken was the best decision he had made in years. 

After another few minutes the child decided that he had enough of this embrace, not because he didn’t enjoy it or because he didn’t love his papa, it was simply for the fact that he - 

“Papa I’m hungry…” His voice was incredibly quiet, he was a little nervous and tensed up again. 

“What would you like to eat?” This would be more work than expected, but it was okay. “What’s your favourite food?” 

“... I like hamburger steaks…” Little Ken nervously played with the buttons on his shirt and looked up. 

“Good. Then I’ll make them for you.” Renji smiled and carried his son in the kitchen. It was odd, he remembered carrying Touka and Ayato around when they were the same age as Ken, they'd been much heavier. 

Saiko mentioned something about Ken being incredibly shy when it came to vocalising basic needs, so he didn't eat as much as the other kids at the orphanage. 

Large round eyes scanned the new environment curiously. The flat was big enough for both of them, it was cosy. Kitchen and living space were separated by a small counter, the living room was spacey enough for the child to play freely. 

Compared to the orphanage this place was way more luxurious… It was warmer, not in the sense of temperature but it was the first time that Ken actually felt at home somewhere. 

Renji felt how Ken shifted around while still being held by him. The little boy carefully observed his new home while he stuck his tiny hand in his mouth, then he pointed at a few framed pictures. 

Two children were smiling at him, their hair had a very dark colour not black like his hair, but still dark. They were older than Ken, judging by the hairstyle his papa had on the photo it seemed to be an older one.

“Who are they?” 

“Your cousins Touka and Ayato, but that's a very old photo. I’ll tell you more about them.” Renji patted Ken’s back as the boy nuzzled him lightly. “But first of all you need to eat something.” 

He put his son in the chair he had especially bought just for him, the child was seemingly impressed by the fact that he was the first one to use it. 

Waiting for his father to finish preparing dinner wouldn't be too boring with a book and Ken was so busy staring at the bright pictures on the large pages that he didn't realise that someone sat down next to him. 

Not until a paw touched his arm lightly. 

“Who are you?” 

Bright blue eyes just stared at him not making a move.

“I'm Ken.” 

She slowly moved towards him and sniffed on the boy.

Better not move, he really didn't want to scare the cat. 

“This is Kumo.” His father said before patting the cat, she immediately rubbed her head against his hand and purred loudly. 

Kumo… Cloud… She looked a cloud with her fluffy white fur. 

Ken wasn't too sure if he should touch her, he was convinced that she'd be scared if he'd do so. 

“Do you want to pat her?” 

“What if she gets scared?” The little boy looked at his father with a worried expression on his face.

“No no… Don't worry, I'm sure she'll love you.” But to make sure that Ken wasn't too scared, Renji assisted him by placing his hand on Kumo’s small head. 

The cat was silent until Ken started to move his hand hesitantly. 

“She purrs!” 

“See, she likes you.” A soft smile formed on the man’s lips before he got up and continued preparing dinner. 

“You're soft. We had cats at the orphanage too, but they were stray. They didn't have parents or a home like me, now I do though...” Ken talked to Kumo like she actually understood him and she didn't move an inch away from the boys side as he spoke. “We're both adopted you know? We have the same papa.” 

Over hearing the word papa Kumo started meowing loudly. 

Both of them stared at Renji who smiled at them before he focused on the food again. 

His new papa was really different from his other parents, Ken didn't remember much… except for a few things he'd rather forget too. 

The kitchen suddenly started filling with a smell that was oddly familiar but yet new to the child. When he still lived with his mother, she sometimes cooked his favourite meal for him, but only when he behaved well. … so not very often… Suddenly little Ken felt an unpleasant pain in his stomach and a few tears started rolling down his chubby cheeks, would papa be mad at him …?

Better not make too much noise, his tiny hands barely covered his face. He wanted to ask papa for a hug but he was busy, he’d surely be angry… Ken would just have to wait. It was hard not to call out and ask for a hug, but he knew that you shouldn’t do that, so he remained silent. 

A rough tongue rubbed over his fingers and he lowered his hands, then Kumo licked over his cheeks and purred loudly. There was absolutely no reason to cry. 

The next thing Ken knew was how was lifted out of the chair and his papa pressed a kiss on his cheek. 

“Hey, don't cry.” Thank goodness he could multitask, holding a child while cooking wasn't too easy but he managed.

Meanwhile Ken was more than just grateful for this gesture. He felt a little bad for not trusting his papa more in the beginning but that would change now. 

Being held by papa was so warm and comfortable Ken just might fall asleep again… 

Renji quietly hummed the melody that has been stuck in his head for quite a while now and it seemed like that was enough to make his son fall asleep once more. Small hands held on tightly to his shirt as he finished preparing dinner for him. 

“Hey… Wake up.” 

The words were so soft and warm, Ken wanted to sleep more, but the bear was kind to him so he better did as he said and as soon as he opened his eyes he saw his papa sitting in front of him. 

“Dinner’s ready.” 

And there it was, a small plate sitting on front of the boy, his tiny stomach growled louder than expected and he looked at his father. All he got as a reply was a warm smile and it made Ken feel more comfortable about taking action. 

He dug the colourful plastic spoon deep into his meal and shoved it in his mouth. The boy was a messy eater, mashed potatoes covered half of his face by the 3rd time he filled his mouth with the soft mixture. 

Renji couldn't help but laugh, leaving Ken baffled. “Hey, look over here and now smile.” When he was honest he didn't expect the first snapshot of his son to be one with his face covered in mashed potatoes, but raising a child meant that there would be many unpredictable events. 

“We need to clean you up after dinner.” 

Ken nodded eagerly before he focused on the food again, he couldn't remember the last time he ate hamburger steaks, but this most certainly were the best ones he ever had. 

While his son enjoyed his meal, he took the time to clean the kitchen and take a short break. 

So this was it… after 2 years of first meeting Ken, after holding him in his arms for the first time they were reunited as a family… 

“Papa.” 

“Hm?” 

Ken pointed at the empty plate and smiled brightly at his father. 

“Good, then we have to clean that mess off your face and you’ll have to brush your teeth.” 

The little boy wasn’t complaining to hard when Renjji rubbed the washcloth a little too eagerly over his mouth, no actually he enjoyed it. His papa bear was just a little clumsy that was all. 

Tiny arms slung around his neck was soon as he was done cleaning his son’s face, he wouldn’t complain, Ken would get everything he needed and attention and love surely were on top of the list. 

“Can we play with Kumo, papa?” 

His new friend was fast asleep until she heard noises coming from the bathroom, playing with a smaller version of her papa would surely be fun. 

The evening passed within the blink of an eye as Ken busily played with the white cat while Renji watched them. He knew that life wouldn’t always be as peaceful as it was now, but bearing this thought in mind only made him treasure this moments even more.


	3. Ken's new family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They only just met, but Ken was already so full of love for this family, Daichi held him tightly in his arms, letting him know that he love he gave, was also the love he’d get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey - a new chapter `^´ Little Ken finally meats the rest of the Yomo/Kirishima family.

Ken didn’t like going out, not that it wasn’t fun but he was nervous. 

“Do we really have to meet them?” He unwillingly put on his heavy coat that his papa had bought for him when they went in the city one day after he came here. 

“Yes we do, they all want to meet you. I know that it’s scary at first, but trust me you’ll love them.” It must be overwhelming for his son, but the sooner he’d meet the rest of this new family the better. Sadly there would only be adults, so Ken was the only child, maybe it would make it a little more difficult for him… but Renji hoped for the best.

“Can I say goodbye to Kumo first?” 

Just as he got an okay from his papa, Ken took off and hugged the fluffly cat. “I’ll be home soon.” Then he cupped her fat face with his tiny hands and kissed her head carefully. “I love you, Kumo.” 

Tiny feet tapped over the floor as Ken ran back to his father with stretched out arms, he could walk to their car, but it was best when papa carried him. It was also funny how his beard tickled every time he gave him a kiss on his chubby cheeks after he lifted him up. 

The little boy held onto his father’s coat tightly as they walked out of the flat. It was freezingly cold outside, but he was warm as long as his bear held him in his arms. 

Papa’s car was little Ken’s 2nd favourite place to be, he wasn’t used to go anyway by car, they usually only drove in the little bus the orphanage owned, it was always loud and crowded, compared to that being in this car felt like he was safe from the world around him. 

It was more enjoyable to be a quiet observer when you knew you’re safe from the world out there, so the little boy only watched the buildings grow and fall out of his private castle. 

Every now and then Renji glanced at the little boy and smiled. He got so excited every time they went for a ride, it was surely exciting to move to the big city from the quiet countryside. 

Life here was much faster, more anonymous, but maybe that was something that would benefit to Ken’s recovery. 

This part of Tokyo was unfamiliar to Ken, he’d been to the heart of the city, a few quiet parts, but he has never been here. It seemed like this area was a place where families lived in small and large houses, with gardens and pets. A few people waved at the curious little boy, but he was too shy to wave back so he slumped down in his seat and played with his small fingers. 

“We’re almost there.” 

Oh God. Those were the words he really didn’t want to hear. 

“It’ll be okay.” 

Well, if papa said that… there must be some truth in these words, but as soon as the car pulled over and stopped in front a of large white house, Ken held his breath for a short amount of time. He was really nervous. 

The little boy tensed up so bad that Renji had to unbuckle him and lift him out of the seat. Shortly after Ken realised that his father held him in his arms he clung to him. 

“Please don’t be angry…” 

Renji patted his back lightly and pressed a kiss on his forehead. “I’m not mad at you. I know that it’s overwhelming for you and I am sorry… but you know, my big brother doesn’t come to Japan often and he really wanted to meet you before he leaves again.” 

“You have a brother?” 

He smiled and nodded. “Yes. Do you remember the children from the photograph you saw the other day? We’ll also meet them today.” 

So maybe there was really no reason to be scared… 

“Do you want to meet them or should be go home?” 

Ken took a deep breath and hugged his papa. “I want to meet them.” 

Before Renji could ring the doorbell, the door swung open and a dog greeted them barking loudly while jumping up on Renji. “Hey there…” 

“Anpan! Sit… hello ojii-san.” The girl bowed lighlty and widened her eyes as she felt his hand resting on her head. 

“No need to be so formal. Ken say hello to you cousin.” 

He hesitated before he turned his head in her direction, his cheeks were glowing and he felt like crying again. “H-Hello…” 

“Oh no - ah, he’s so much cuter in person… hey Ken, I’m Touka.” She smiled brightly at her cousin and wiped the few tears that he couldn’t hold back from his chubby cheeks. 

Without a second thought he stretched his arms out and waited for Touka to hold him. 

“I didn’t think he’s ever warmed up with anyone so fast.” 

“I want to be a teacher, so it would be a shame if kids wouldn’t love me. Do you want to meet your other cousin, Ken?” 

The little boy noded but he stuck his little fingers in his mouth for comfort, he wasn’t sure if he’d like Ayato as much as he liked Touka-chan already. 

“Let's go inside Anpan.” 

He barked happily and jumped down the hallway, it was always nice when Renji ojii-san came over because he always had snacks hidden in his pocket. ‘Don't tell Touka about this’ he'd say, but she knew it any way. 

So they quietly walked down the hallway, while the dog happily chewed on his treat. Oji-san would never change. Thank goodness. 

But as soon as he spotted the kids playing in the living room he joined them. The little pupper ojii-san had brought along happily greeted Anpan, then he giggled as the dog lightly pushed his nose into Ken’s side. 

Renji smiled and walked over to his sister. It felt like the temperature dropped as his smile faded and he took his seat. 

“I was wondering how long that smile will last this time.” Hikari grinned and gestured at a pot of coffee that was waiting to serve another guest. 

“... not funny.” 

He nearly spilled the coffee all over the table as he felt a warm hand ruffle through his hair. 

“How are you little sunshine?” 

“... good…” 

Hikari tried to hold the laughter back that tickled deep down inside of her, it felt like they were children again, the way Renji’s face went red, how Daichi laughed ruffling his hair. It was sad that they rarely saw each other now that they all had a family of their own. 

“How’s everyone?” 

The eldest sibling took a seat inbetween the two younger ones and smiled absentmindedly as he played with his half empty cup. “Good. Haru said the kids are still too young to travel by plane, but she says that next year we’re going to visit you here in Japan.” 

Renji just nodded, he felt a little guilty for not visiting his older brother and his wife more often, he barely saw his nieces. Compared to Hikari, Daichi was a late bloomer when it came to things like marriage and children. 

Ji-min was 5 years old now, Seo-yeon was 3 years old now. They had only seen their uncle via skype calls, but never in person. The last time he actually saw his sister in law was at Daichi’s wedding 6 years ago. 

“I see the tiny wheels in your head spin, but don’t worry Renji. It’s okay. We know you’re busy. Talking about being busy - how does it feel to have the first time off since you started working as a policeman?” 

Detective actually… but those were just unnecessary tiny details to the big picture. “It’s odd being away longer than just one or two days, but I can’t leave Ken alone in the first time. I feel bad for going back to work the week after next week already…” 

Hikari shook her head. “He’ll be okay Renji, trust me. As soon as he’ll is a good day care and found new friends you’ll wish back the time where it has only been the two of you.” 

Actually he didn’t want to imagine things like that yet… he was still new to this whole ‘being a parent’ thing, he was glad to be able to see Ken grow up, but he really didn’t want it to happen too fast. In a way it wouldn’t have been able without him… for Ken to grow up like he did now. 

He felt his stomach ache again, so he just turned his head to his son as Daichi and Hikari exchanged worried looks. 

Touka was busy playing with the little boy who giggled and clapped his tiny hands against his cousin’s. Meanwhile Ayato was just watching them from the sidelines, recording everything on his phone. 

“I was expecting Touka to be on cloud nine when she meets him, but I never thought that Ayato would be so euphoric about having a little cousin. Remember how shy he was when he first met Ji-min and Seo-yeon?” 

Now he was desperately trying to get a kiss on his cheek, but Ken refused, he only patted his cheek lightly saying that his kisses were only for Kumo and Papa. 

“And what about me?” His oldest cousin said in a soft tone. 

Now little Ken got in distress, he loved his new family they were all so kind to him, there was no chance that he would let them down now. “Ayato first.” 

He felt secure as Touka held him up and his tiny hands touched his cousin’s face. It felt funny when Ayato started giggling. Why did it make him so happy? Ken wasn’t sure, but it made him happy too. “Touka too.” 

“Okay -” She smiled and hugged her little cousin, who insisted that she should let him go shortly after he pressed a kissed on her cheek, because he didn’t want to let Anpan live another day without having received a kiss from him. 

The shibe stared at the child with his large black eyes and waited patiently for a kiss, before he decided it’s time to return the affection to the small human and give him a kiss too. It was the first time that little Ken actually received a kiss from a dog and it was odd compared to Kumo’s kisses. 

So the little boy ran over to his father to report of this strange occurrence and he didn’t intend to leave any of the details out as he realized that there were other people around too. He hid behind his father and only looked them for a short amount of time before he turned his head away. 

“He’s shy, isn’t he?” 

Renji nodded lightly. 

“Just like you when you were his age.” Daichi laughed and waved at little Ken. 

At first he didn’t react, then he hesitantly waved back. Why did this man look so oddly familiar? Was he papa’s brother? And the woman who sat at the other side of the table looked like Touka-chan, only older and with lighter hair. Her hair looked like starlight, just like papa’s. 

“Ken…” Renji said as he carefully lifted his son up and placed him on his lap. “That is my older brother Daichi and that’s my older sister Hikari.” 

They both smiled at the little boy who only looked at his father. Then he stretched his arms out in the direction of Hikari not saying a word, but she knew too well what he wanted. 

“Hey there…” Her voice was just as soft as Touka’s and little Ken immediately clung to his aunt. Everything was overwhelming for him, but it was okay. It was okay… “He fell asleep… poor baby…” 

The last thing Ken remembered before passing out was the sweet scent of Hikari oba-san’s perfume and the warmth of her embrace. 

Now he felt a different kind of warmth, he slowly opened his large round eyes and looked up at Ayato who was fast asleep. How did he end up here? Ken didn’t want to wake him up, so he just made himself comfortable once more and closed his eyes, it was nice to nap with his cousin. 

The next thing he knew was how he Ayato lightly shifted below him, making Ken hold onto his shirt and look up curiously. “Hey lil buddy…” His voice was hoarse, but soft. 

“Is he awake?” 

Who was that? Ken got scared by the unfamiliar voice and hid away in his cousin’s shirt.

“Hey don’t get scared -” 

“Don’t take it personally Hide, maybe your voice just sounds strange.”

“That’s not funny Arata -” 

“True. I think sometimes you sound a little more annoying.” 

“Touka!!” 

Now the little boy got curious and peeked out of his safe hideaway. Ayato gently patted his head which made it easier, it gave me more confidence as he finally faced the strangers. 

It was a boy, maybe Touka’s age and a man who looked so much like… Ayato. 

Ken was confused so he starred at the man and then back at Ayato. It must be his uncle then… “Ojii-san!” 

Tiny arms stretched out in Arata’s direction and the little boy impatiently bounced on his cousin’s lap. 

He smiled and nodded. “Yes - yes I’m your uncle.” Little Ken was so incredibly light, but his face was chubby, his eyes sparkled as he looked at his uncle. “Hey there.” 

His voice sounded so nice and his smile made Ken feel safe, he giggled and hugged his uncle. 

“How -” Hide was a little let down by the little boy’s disinterest in him, okay, Ayato and his father looked incredibly alike, so maybe Ken just thought there was one more Ayato to love, but he wasn’t too bad either. Or was he…? 

Suddenly he felt a tiny hands run through his hair. “Sunflower.” 

“What?” 

“Your hair. It looks like a sunflower.” 

Now that was something he was never told before. “Now that you mention it…” He smiled and ruffled the boy’s hair. “And yours looks like the night sky.” And his large round eyes looked like the moon. 

It was oddly amusing how his eye colour was just the same as Renji’s, even though they weren’t related by blood. 

“Arata! Can you help us out for a moment?” 

“Yeah sure - hey Daichi can you hold Ken for a minute?” Before his brother in law could say anything, he already held the child in his arms. 

Ken was a little sceptical when it came to his Daichi ojii-san. It was a little scary how much he looked like Hikari oba-san, but also like his papa. His little hands grabbed his uncle’s face and pulled him closer, he had to take a good look at him. 

The little boy’s puffy lips touched his nose before he buried his head in his uncle’s sweater. They only just met, but Ken was already so full of love for this family, Daichi held him tightly in his arms, letting him know that he love he gave, was also the love he’d get. 

“Hey…” It felt odd to hold this lightweight of a little boy in his arms, compared to his daughters he felt like a small package. “Look outside…” Daichi pointed at the bright fullmoon. “You know when your dad was a child, Hikari told him that bunnies pound steamed rice into mochi on the moon. He wouldn’t stop staring at it, we found him sleeping under the window one time, he said he slept there so he wouldn’t miss seeing the bunnies work.” 

“Really?” 

“Yes, really. Your Papa always loved the stars and the moon. I actually thought he’d become scientist and not a policeman.” Now he was drifting off again. “Anyhow… you know, your papa is doing an amazing job. He’s a hero.” 

Little Ken nodded eagerly. “I know… that’s why I love Papa soooo much.” He stretched his little arms out, but that wasn’t nearly enough to express how much he loved his Papa. Daichi ojii-san would have to ask him about how much he loved he loved his Papa again when he was older, when his arms were longer he’d be able to give a more accurate answer. 

“So much? I’m sure your papa is happy to know that.” 

“That’s why I make sure that I tell him that I love him when I go to bed and when I wake up. Papa mustn't forget it.” 

Suddenly someone behind them tried to hold back laughter. “I won’t.” 

As much as he enjoyed being closer to Daichi ojii-san now, Ken wriggled out of his embrace and grabbed his father’s shirt. It was still best when he got a hug from his papa. 

“Are you tired?”

“Mhm…” 

“Onee-chan wants us to stay for dinner. You can sleep when we get back home, is that okay?” 

The little boy nodded and hugged his father tighter. He didn’t want to let go, but as soon as Touka-chan called him he forgot about his plans and ran over to his cousins and their friend. 

Renji watched him run over, his legs were still so short, he got a little heavier which was good, but he needed to gain more weight and… 

“Relax. He’ll be okay.” 

But instead of relaxing he tensed up even more as he felt his brother’s hand resting on his shoulder. “... Oh God - Daichi… please… don’t ever do that again…” 

He tried to hold back comment that would upset his little sunshine and just ruffled his hair again. “You haven’t changed a bit, you know that?” 

“I’m a policeman and I’d most probably punch you out of reflex… I have changed…” Then he looked at his brother out of the corner of his eye and smiled lightly. “But you haven’t changed. Not at all.” 

Daichi just shrugged and walked over the table. “Maybe… my little sunshine.” 

“Put dad’s glasses on him!” 

“Oh God… hey Ken, look at me, yes... “ Touka couldn’t hold back the laughter she held back as her little cousin looked at her with eyes that were now twice as large thanks to her father’s glasses. 

Bright light caught Ken’s attention as Hide shot another picture of him. 

The little boy giggled and ran over to his new friend and hugged him, just before he played with his hair again. 

“He loves you almost as much as Touka loves you -” 

“AYATO!” 

Before their little fight could escalate, they were called in the living room to the rest of the family. 

Eating dinner with his own family felt so different compared to eating dinner with his friends at the orphanage. Ken remembered being nervous and anxious being around the other kids, Yonebayashi-san and the others were always discussing things like money and chores when they thought the kids didn’t listen, it made him nervous. 

He remembered how angry his mother got about not having enough money for food and the rent and the bills… He remembered the nights his little stomach hurt because he was hungry, how his mother yelled at him… 

Being with the his new family gave him a different perspective. 

Everyone was laughing and chatting while they ate, Ken was busy eating his food when every now and then someone gave him some of their food. 

It was all so different to all the times before… He'd love to join the fun for a little while longer, but he was so tired… 

“Ah… He feel asleep…” Everyone went quiet after Hikari made that comment. 

Meanwhile Renji didn't dare to move and just glanced over at the clock. “It's late already. Past his bedtime. We should get going…” 

They weren’t happy with them leaving now, but they had enough compassion for the single father and his son. 

Just in time for saying goodbye to everyone little Ken opened his eyes and glimpsed at the bright street lights. It was cold outside and he sniffled lightly. “Home…?”

“Yes, we’re going home. Say goodbye to everyone.” 

At first the little boy only waved lightly, then he decided he wanted to go everyone a hug, he nearly fell asleep when it was Daichi ojii-san’s turn, but he managed to open his large round eyes again and give his uncle a kiss. 

When his father was finally able to place him in his car seat, he only briefly thanked his sister for the meal and bid his farewell to his older brother who suddenly pulled him in a surprising hug. 

“I won’t let you go like that little sunshine. I missed you.” 

It nearly hurt, Daichi was way stronger than Renji, even though he really didn’t look like that. His whole body tensed up, he only awkwardly hugged his brother, but after a while he gave in and hugged him properly. 

“Come back to visit us soon…” 

When he was still a child, he always hated it when his older brother ruffled his hair, now that he was an adult, it only made Renji’s heart sink. 

“Promise. Someone has to take care of you after all.” 

Hikari waved as the car pulled out of the driveway, everyone except for the siblings has walked back into the house a while ago. 

“What do you think…?”

Daichi sighed and looked up at the clear night sky. “I am worried about him. You know when I look at him, I still see my little brother… my 4 year old brother who fell asleep looking at the stars, my 17 year old brother who wouldn’t stop crying when his heart was broken for the first time…” He turned his head to his sister and smiled tired. “I can’t deny that I want to protect him…” 

“He’s a grown man, Daichi. He’ll be okay…” But she didn’t even believe those words herself. 

“Don’t fall asleep while brushing your teeth, little Ken.” 

The boy nodded and fought with Mr Sandman, but ultimately he lost the battle shortly after he finished brushing his teeth and slumped in his father’s arms. 

His body was light was a feather as his body sunk deep into the mattress of his bed, his small fingers dug deep into the fabric of the sheets. 

“Good night, sleep well… I love you, little bear.”

“... I love you too… big bear..” 

Renji tugged the child in and placed a small kiss on his forehead. Then he quietly left the room and as soon as the door fell shut behind him and the silence slowly spread through the flat, the nightly horrors came to haunt him once more. 

The smooth wall made it easy to slide down on it, his body hit the floor with a small thud noise, his hands dug deep into his pants as cold tears rolled down his cheeks. It was too much. Everything was too much… 

“... Papa…” 

His head shot up and he froze. 

“... papa don’t cry... “ 

Tiny arms wrapped tightly around his body. “I love you, papa… now I’ll take care of you… please don’t cry.” 

He could barely make a sound, so he just hugged his son and waited for the tears to stop falling. There was no reason to cry, now that he had little Ken in his life.


	4. Ken's busy day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that it took me so long to update!
> 
> The past weeks have been incredibly stressful and draining, I hope you enjoy the update (❁´ω`❁) Feel free to comment when you read the chapter, it would make me very happy ヾ(｡･ω･｡)

“Uncle Uta?”

“Yes?” How did Renji even manage to do so many things at once? Preparing breakfast and packing lunch for his son, Uta was already over working himself by trying to get this little human into his coat. 

“... why can’t papa drop me off at the daycare…?” 

He sounded so sad, it was almost heart breaking. “Hey… cheer up. You know, your papa needs to save Tokyo again, he told me he’s very sorry and he’ll make sure that he’ll drop you off at the daycare from tomorrow on till you’re old enough to go to school.” 

Ken’s eyes widened. “Papa is a hero, isn’t he?”

The man cracked a smile and ruffled the boy’s thick black hair. “He is and I’m sure he wouldn’t want you to be sad.” 

Now everything seemed to work a lot easier than before, Ken even put his coat on by himself and kissed the sleeping cat goodbye, then he grabbed his backpack and ran over to his uncle. 

They had met only a few days ago, but uncle Uta was funny. Sometimes he wore clothes that looked like Yonebayshi-san’s and other times more like Kuki-san’s.

Also his haircut was kind of weird, one half of his head was covered by only a thin layer of hair, while the hair on the other side was long, wavy and thick. He had pretty eyes that looked like cat eyes, but the colour was way too brown and deep, mixed with a hint of gold. 

The first thing the little boy had noticed about him were all the piercings and tattoos his uncle had. ‘You look like a canvas’ said the little boy, it seemed like that comment had made his uncle very happy. 

Little Ken was happy when his family was happy too and he loved his uncle Uta his husband very much, but all the love in the world wasn't enough to calm the little boy down now, he felt nauseous and anxious and held onto his uncle’s hand tighter.

Was he nervous? Ken held his hand with a little too much force as they walked down the stairs to the parking lot of the apartment. Well, who could blame him? It was his first day away from home and Renji wasn’t there to comfort his son. 

Then he had to admit that it wasn't Renji's intention at all to leave the work to Uta, when his boss needed them around they didn’t have a choice. He overheard that they planned to go easier on Renji since he was a father now, but Take didn’t put too much hope in the empty words of their bosses. 

“Will papa be okay…?”

“What do you mean?” 

Ken nervously played with the zipper of his jacket. “... will papa be okay without me…? He was so stressed in the past days and I’m worried about him. I need to take care of papa.” 

It seemed like Renji hadn't changed at all in the past 10 years when even a 4 year old could read him that easily. “Don’t worry, Ken. Your papa knows that you’re thinking about him and that gets him through the day.”

The little boy gasped amazed and look up at his uncle. “Really?” 

Uta smiled and nodded. “Yes, really. You know, your papa loves you very much, don’t ever forget that.” 

“I won’t.” His voice was shaking, but he needed to be strong for his bear. 

So they quietly walked over he car and Ken waited for his uncle to unlock it and sort everything out.

Uncle Uta’s car wasn’t as large as papa’s, it only had two seats and was black, not silver. Ken was nervous when his uncle lifted him up to place him in the passenger seat, this car didn’t look very family friendly and shortly after the little boy put on the seat belt he pressed his backpack tightly against his body. 

“Ken, relax everything’s fine.” Just watching the boy tense up so badly made Uta wonder what happened to him before he met Renji. Someone said that children barely understood what happened around them, but it seems like the past still affected this kid to an worrisome extent. 

It was surely easier said than done, first of all he missed his papa, second and even worse the aspect of being stuck in a daycare for n hours until he’d see his father again gave him stomachache. “Do I have to go…?” 

“Sadly yes, but it will be okay. Trust me.” 

Even the kindest words could hurt in a situation like this and small hand tried to wipe away the hot tears. Small whimpers escaped Ken’s trembling lips and he coudln’t bring himself to stop crying. 

Meanwhile his uncle had to focus on the traffic, but maybe it was the best if Ken would just let it all out and cry until they reached their destination, which unfortunately was closer than expected. Just as he parked the car the little boy took one deep breath and calmed down. 

“Are you okay, little Yomo?” 

Ken nodded, he knew that there was no reason to cry but he was still so upset. 

After a while Uta got out of the car and walked over to the other side, he unbuckled the seatbelt and lifted Ken out of the vehicle. Was he mad at him…? A few tears rolled down the boys chubby cheeks again, he didn’t want to make his uncle angry, he’d behave better from now on. “Uncle Uta I -” But before he could speak his thoughts out loud, Uta had already placed his little head on his shoulder and gently patted him. “It’s okay, I know you’re nervous. We all are before we do something new or go to an unfamiliar place on our own.” 

The little boy nodded and his body shook as he cried even more while he clung to his uncle’s shirt. “I’m here now, your papa will pick you up later and I’ll stay with you as long as you need me.” 

“Thank you…” 

Uta held Ken a little tighter and pressed a kiss on his forehead. “I love you, your papa loves you, uncle Take loves and Mochi loves you too. We want you to be strong now. You can do it.” 

“Yes.” He sniffled lightly and put on a bright and toothy smile. “I can do it.” There was no way that he’d let them all down. 

But he still held onto uncle Uta’s hand tightly as they walked over to the main entrance of the day care. One of the teachers was still standing in the doorframe, waiting for the last group of children to be dropped off by their parents. 

It was young man with golden blond hair and some kind of foxish expression, he waved at Uta and Ken, he was wearing a sunflower yellow shirt, blue pants and a green apron. 

Little Ken as sure that that was a teacher, but it wasn’t the one who spoke to him the day his father went here with him to sort out the paperwork. 

“Hello, you must be Ken, I'm Kuramoto-sensei, and you are…?”

“His uncle, Hirako Uta, nice to meet you. His father is already at work, but he’ll pick him up later.” Uta bowed lightly and so did Ken. 

What an odd pair they were, the little boy’s uncle had a quiet androgynous look, he was quite handsome, but didn't really look like the type of person who'd raise a child. 

The little boy was a little pale, his chubby cheeks were glowing and his clothes were at least one number too large for him, but he looked healthy. Itou gave him a warm smile as he finally peeked out of his hideout behind uncle Uta's legs. 

Even though the teacher looked friendly, Ken prefered to hide behind his uncle. Just until another child walked over to the main entrance.

“Hello.” The girl smiled brightly at the little boy, she had auburn coloured hair that barely reached her collarbone, she wore dark pants and a large sweater with an embroidment of a cat face on it.

“... hello…” It was quiet but she still acknowledged it as a reply. 

“I’m Nishino Kimi, but you can call me Kimi. Who are you?” 

“... Yomo… Ken... You can call me Ken… If you want to...“ He slowly stepped closer to her and grabbed her hand without hesitation as she offered it, but he let go of it shortly afterwards. “Wait, I have to do something first.”

Little Ken ran to his uncle and gave him a hug. “Thank you. I love you, kitty.” Then he gave him a kiss on the cheek, just like he did with all the other members of his family whenever they met and parted again.

“I love you too, little Yomo. Don’t forget your backpack.” 

As soon as his little hands had grabbed it he ran over to his new friend. Uta watched them take of their shoes while they busily discussed whatever kids their age had to discuss. 

“Kitty?” 

The man laughed and brushed his fingers through his long and curly hair. “Yeah, he loves giving people nicknames based on animals. He calls his cousins bunnies, his father bear and well seems like I’m a cat.” 

“Oh.” His teacher smiled and turned to the kids to see that they already ran off to play. “Thank you for dropping him off.” 

“No problem at all, but I have to go now, there’s a lot of work waiting for me… well and for you too.” Uta cracked a smiled and bowed lightly. 

The teacher returned the gesture and rushed over to the kids who were already painting each other’s faces when it wasn’t even time to draw yet. 

“How about I introduce you to everyone?” 

Ken got a little nervous, Kimi was nice and he liked her, but would he get along well with the others too? He wasn’t sure yet, but he was curious. “Yeah…” 

The girl smiled and clapped her hands together. “So the three that Kuramoto-sensei just sent to the bathroom are Akira-chan, Seidou-kun and Kotarou-kun. You’ll always see them together, they only split up when they go home.” 

Who else? “You see that boy over there who’s solving puzzles? That’s Nishki-kun.” 

He was a little older than Kimi, a little confused that they pointed at him, but he smiled and waved at them. Ken felt a little uneasy but waved back. 

“Then there’s Tsukiyama.” Suddenly the tone of Kimi’s voice changed. “He’s… well… he doesn’t really talk to us, he usually spends his time reading.” 

“He can already read?” 

The girl nodded and tilted her head in his direction. “He taught himself to read and that’s all he ever does all day. In all the time that he was here he never really talked to any of us, accept for his little brother Kanae, but since the Takizawa twins joined our day care he only spends time with Shiro.” 

So maybe he was lonely…? 

Noticing that someone was staring at him, Tsukiyama-kun raised his head and looked at Ken, he smiled faintly. 

For the first time the little boy wasn’t too shy to return the gesture, he was pretty sure that this Tsukiyama boy was lonely, so he gave him he brightest smile possible just like papa did when he first came in the orphanage to visit Ken. 

After a while Kimi had notices that her little protegee had stopped walking next to her and she had to take his hand and show him around some more. She introduced him to the others kids, showed him the places where they ate, played and slept. 

“And after our nap we all go outside to play when the weather is nice! There’s a very big playground outside.” Her hand was warm and she firmly grasped the other’s hand as she walked him over to the large window to show him the backyard. 

“That sounds amazing!” 

Kimi smiled as she saw little Ken’s expression finally brighten up. “Should we play now?” 

But before they could flee the scene a small crowd formed around them. The other kids got curious and wanted to get to know the little boy better. 

“Tell us something about yourself.” 

“... eh…” What was there to say? Ken didn’t like being the center of attention at all, he never liked it, but he coudln’t avoid it. “... I have a cat... “ 

“What’s its name?” 

“Kumo! She is white and fluffy and so tall!” The little boy held his arms up to his chest. “And I love her very much. My papa adopted her too, like me!” 

Now everyone was quiet, a few kids looked at each other when finally someone spoke out what they were all thinking. “... what you mean with adopted…?” 

“Eh... “ How to explain? Ken wasn't even sure himself what that word even meant. 

“Some children don’t have parents. They live in special houses that are called orphanages. Sometimes adults go there to adopt children, they give them a home, a new name and care for them. My sister and my brother are adopted.” It was the first time that everyone heard Tsukiyama speak, he could already talk like an adult with a voice that had quite a melodic sound. 

His little brother noded in agreement, he was a pretty boy, with long lavender coloured hair and pale porcelain skin, his eyes weren’t as round as Tsukiyama-kun’s but they red was just the same deep shade.

“So… that means you don’t have a mama, Ken?” 

There was a small list of things that he really didn’t want to be asked and this question was number one on his list. “... no… I don’t…” 

“Kids, that’s enough now. Time for lunch.” 

Just like a hoard of trained puppies, the little children swarmed out and prepared everything. 

Little Ken felt lost and looked around, tried to spot Kimi in the crowd when suddenly a fox kneeled down in front of him. 

“Are you okay? They are always a bit too noisy…” Kuramoto-sensei carefully took Ken’s hands and held them gently. 

His hands were warm and soft, not as big as papa’s but something about sensei touch was very similar to his bear holding his hands. Ken nodded but sensei’s smile told him that he knew the truth. “New beginnings are hard for everyone, you know? It’s okay to cry.” 

Little Ken fought so hard with the tears, he had to be strong for his bear, but it got harder and harder so he started sobbing loudly and fell into his teacher’s arms. 

Kuramoto-sensei was so kind, still Ken didn't expect anyone to ever understand his situation, he was kind but his embrace wasn't as comforting as papa’s. It was still enough to calm him down.

His face was still puffy and red when they sat down to eat, but he didn’t cry anymore. Everyone looked at him, they didn’t judge him, they were worried and sorry, but no one dared to say it out loud. 

Small fingers fought with the bento box trying to open it and see what his bear had put inside of him, maybe that would make him happy again. 

Little Ken wasn't mistaken. Bear shaped onigri smiled at him, a hard boiled egg that was shaped like a little chick and tempura chicken accompanied the two smiling bears. They rested well ok a few fresh salad leaves, it was almost too pretty to eat.

Papa always gave him a lot of food, but Touka-chan said that it was good that he gained weight, that it meant he was healthy. 

“Woah, did your papa make this?” It was a little surprising to hear Tsukiyama-kun speak again. He was sitting next to Ken, what didn't make Kimi too happy, but the little boy didn't mind. 

“Yes, he always makes food for me and it tastes very good.” A bright smile formed on Ken's face. “My aunt Itori said, papa does that because he loves me very much.” 

Meanwhile Tsukiyama stared down at the skillfully arranged bento his family's cook had prepared. It was healthy and delicious but not as playful as Ken's. 

“You can have one of my bears. Papa always gives me too much food.” There was no reason to wait for a reply and his tiny hands had already grabbed the rice ball and placed it in the other boy’s hand. 

“T-Thank you.” How would it taste? Shuu never ate anything that hadn't been prepare by anyone who wasn't a skilled cooked. This was an amateur's work, but he wouldn't judge a book by its cover and give it a try. “Ah… this tastes amazing!” 

How fast his small heart could beat when he got excited. “I know, right? Bear makes the best food in the world.” 

Shuu laughed and it was a bell bright and whole heartedly laughter. He wouldn't say things like that but little Ken surely loved his father very much. “Yes, I'm sure he is.” 

Itou quietly watched the kids eat, it was good to see that they got along so well after the little incident from before. Everyone seemed to be so happy and content, maybe the kids thought it couldn’t get better, but they were mistaken. 

“Who wants anpan?” 

Countless hands shot up and the kids started laughing. Sensei always made the best sweets for them. Little Ken was a little unsure if he should really eat it, all he could think about was Touka-chan’s dog, but watching everyone eat the sweets finally made him give into the temptation and he was more than just grateful that he did. It was so good and little Ken had to admit it was even a little better than the sweets his papa made. Just a little bit. 

After they had eaten their meals, it was time for them to clean up the place, then to wash their little hands and faces just before they’d take a nap. 

This time Kotarou-kun decided to take care of Ken. He led him to the bathroom and lifted him up so he could wash his tiny hands. “You're short.” Also incredibly light just like a pillow, but he woudln’t mention it.

“And you're too tall.” The little boy puffed his cheeks, he was grateful for the help, but he didn't like being called too short. 

“Well I'm older than you so…” He carefully put Ken down after he finished washing his hands, then they dried them even more careful and walked back to the other kids. 

Some of them were already sprawled out on the futons on the floor and snuggled up against each other, some others needed more space for themselves and others cuddles with their favourite toys. 

Ken wasn’t used to take a nap without his papa yet, usually he got to sleep on papa’s chest while he quietly watched TV, listening to his heartbeat was calming and he was always warm. Now he was lying on a soft futon, it smelled nice and the blanket that covered his little body was warm, but it was nowhere near as comfortable as it was to nap with papa. 

After a while everything got quiet, the kids had fallen asleep and Kuramoto-sensei quietly read a book alongside with the older kids who didn’t need to take naps anymore. The ones who couldn’t read or didn’t want to look at pictures, drew or just quietly worked on small projects. 

It would be better if Ken would sleep but he couldn’t, he didn’t even shift because he was worried he’d make too much noise. What was papa doing right now? Was he alright? Did he think of him…? 

What about Kumo? Was she okay all alone at home? His mind drifted off in all directions to all of the family members he had met yet, all the people he loved so much. How was everyone at the orphanage? Maybe he should ask Papa if they could go there soon… 

“Hey… it’s time to wake up Ken.” The voice was soft and warm, just comforting enough to make him wake up from a sweet dream without making him cry. 

Everyone else was being woken up too, the sun was hiding behind the thick curtains that were opened now, warming everyone’s skin and finally given them enough energy and reason to get up. 

It only took them a few seconds and they were already running around and laughing again, maybe it would be best if they’d let out all the extra energy outside. 

Even though Kuramoto-sensei tried to be stealthy on his way to the back door, the kids were already following him like little ducklings. They could smell Itou’s plans from 5 kilometers away on a windstill day. 

“Okay. You can play on the playground but behave.” 

“Yes, sensei.” Sensei didn’t scare them or anything, he was just the kind of person you didn’t want to let down as he was always cheery, understanding and kind. 

Still, it was a little hard not to scream too loudly and laugh even louder as they stormed out. Even little Ken joined them without hesitation, but he didn't feel like playing with either of them just now, he preferred to watch them. 

Shiro was busy climbing while Kanae was dancing all by himself. Meanwhile their brothers decided to lay down in the grass with the other older kids and just stare at the clouds that passed by. Nishiki and Kimi sat on the swings and held a tiny contest trying to figure out who could reach the sky first. 

Nothing really seemed to attract Ken's attention so he ran over to the sandbox and started painting faces in the sand. He just drew whatever came to his mind and soon afterwards the box was filled with various portraits.

“Who is that?” 

This voice didn't sound familiar at all, so he looked up and stared at the seemingly never smiling Akira. 

“That's my papa, my uncle Daichi, aunt Hikari, uncle Arata, my cousins Touka and Ayato.” They were as well drawn as a four year old could do, but it still gave Akira an impression of what they looked like. 

Did she like the drawings…? Even after a few minutes she was still staring at them, then the girl crouched down next to him and started drawing too. 

“I'm done.” 

Ken was eager to see what she had drawn, but he nearly fell over once the took a look at it. Whatever it was, it looked like a yokai. “Who is that?” Asked the boy carefully, maybe she was one of the people who found a strong liking to monsters and demons. 

“My father.” She smiled seemingly pleased with the outcome of her hard work. “I love him very much… after all he’s all I have…”

Those words touched him more than expected. “... you don’t have mama either, do you?” 

The girl sat down and buried her feet in the sand. “I don’t. So does Amon-kun, he doesn’t have… a mama or a papa… he lives at an orphanage that’s run by a priest. He seems to be good to him, because Amon-kun doens’t want to leave the place, even though a lot of people wanted to adopt him already.” 

For some strange reason it was comforting to know that he wasn’t the only one who didn’t have a full set of parents. It was nice to feel a connection to a stranger… well now they weren’t strangers anymore, there were somewhere on this odd stage between being a stranger and being friends.

“... Itou…”

“Huh?” The young man abruptly turned to his colleague and looked at Irimi confused. “Yes? What is it?” 

“Something happened to one of the family members of your kids. It’s Ken’s father…” Even though the look on her face already spoke for itself, he opened his mouth trying form a proper sentence. 

Shuu sat up and stared in the direction of the teachers, it seemed like something was wrong, they turned in little Ken’s direction and had some kind of troubled expressions on their faces. 

Meanwhile Ken didn’t even notice it as he was busy drawing, this day was so nice, he was sure the end would be the best part going back home with papa, having dinner and playing with Kumo until he’d fall asleep. 

His excitement only increased when the first kids got picked up by their parents, the first were the Takizawa twins, both having a hard time letting go of their friends. Second was Amon, the man who picked him up didn’t look Japanese at all, but he seemed to be friendly. The second he noticed Ken watching him, he gave him a warm smile. 

Then more and more kids left and Ken sat on his chair impatiently moving around. Did papa forget him…? Didn’t he love Ken anymore? Usually he was always on time that’s what Ayato-kun had said once and he never forgot things like that. 

“You know, my dad rarely has time to pick me up.” Shuu sighed lightly and sat down next to Ken. “He works a lot, abroad and here in Japan. Papa tries to be here as much as possible though, he takes his time for me and my siblings.” 

The little boy didn’t reply, but he listened to him carefully, it was better than losing himself in thoughts. 

“My older sister will pick me up today, she promised it…” Then he stared down at his thumb. “She always keeps her promises, sometimes it just takes time, like today.” 

Sometimes it just takes time… Ken looked up at Shuu and moved closer to him to lean his head against his shoulder. He’d ask him if he’d stay with him until his papa would arrive, but little Kanae was already curled up and asleep, they’d need to go home when their sister would arrive. 

Just when little Ken was about to lose all hope, Renji walked into the daycare, his neck was patched up, so was his face and he was limping slightly, but those were things Itou notices, not Ken. 

Renji bowed lightly in front of the teacher, he’d be more respectful but he was in pain. Then he crouched down to get on eye level with his son. “Hey…” His voice was hoarse and shaky. 

Even though he was happy to see his papa, Ken turned his head away and puffed his cheeks before putting on a huge pout. In any other situation this would have been cute, but Itou felt sorry for the man. 

“Don’t you love me anymore…?” 

Now that was something he shouldn’t say, it was impossible not to love papa, but Ken decided that he should hide behind sensei. 

“Well, I still love your papa.” 

“Really…?” 

“Yes, r-really.” Itou had to hold back laughter as he saw that the colour of Renji’s face went from a light tan to bright red. Suddenly the little boy behind him started sobbing loudly and fell into his father’s arms. 

“I’m sorry, papa, I love you…” 

He gently patted his son’s back and held him in a tight embrace, little Ken couldn’t even imagine how glad Renji was to still be able to hold him like this. “It’s okay… I love you too. Stop crying…” Or he’d might just cry too.

“Yomo-san… how did you get here?” Sensei’s eyes looked different now, it was little unsettling how much they exposed, so he knew what happened… 

“My colleague dropped me off… I’m not allowed to drive yet.” Strong medication, heavy blood loss and all the adrenaline took their toll on him. “I’ll might just call my sister to pick us up.” 

“No offence, but I think that would take too long, I can drive you back home as soon as Kanae and Shuu…” 

Just in that moment a tall and slender girl, who was wearing the boys uniform of the local middle school, walked in and smiled brightly at her younger brothers. She was followed by a smaller, tired looking girl with shoulder long pink hair. 

“I’m sorry that it took so long, Kuramoto-sensei.” Both of the girls bowed deeply. 

Shuu grabbed his sister’s hand, while the other girl picked up the sleepy Kanae. They waved lightly at sensei and little Ken who was quietly watching them leave. 

“So…” 

“No… I don’t -” He felt uneasy being a burden to Ken’s teacher, but he had to admit that his glare was more than just convincing. “... okay…” 

What an honour it was to sit in the passenger seat next to sensei, but when Ken was honest, he’d prefer sitting next to his father. Actually, he didn’t even understand why sensei dropped them off at home, did something happen with papa’s car? 

Renji was just thanking all Gods that existed that his son didn’t have to see him gritting his teeth while pressing his hand on his left leg, trying to stop the pain and the bleeding. 

“Your apartment is close to the daycare, right? I remember reading something in Ken’s file.” 

Renji only nodded, he slipped in and out of consciousness and made the young teacher wonder if it woudln’t be better to drive to the hospital, but as if he could read the other’s mind, the policeman slowly shook his head. 

Maybe it was reckless not to drive to the hospital, but at this rate it woudln’t be okay to upset Yomo-san, so Itou sighed heavily and gave in. As they reached the apartment building, it seemed like the situation had normalised again. 

Ken waited for sensei to unbuckle his seatbelt, before he slipped out of his seat. He’d wait for Papa to get out of the car and thank sensei, but in his mind he was already back home playing with Kumo. 

It was hard just to get out of the car without fainting right on the spot, but knowing that his son was around, the policeman tried his best not to let anything show. All he had to do was move very slowly and carefully… right?

“T-Thank you.” He barely pressed the words through his lips and even little Ken noticed that something wasn’t right. Just until someone called out his name. 

“Aunt Itori!” 

She laughed and walked down the stairs to meet the little boy halfway, she lifted him up and only gave the stranger a small nod, before she walked back to the flat, this time with Ken in her arms. 

“Are you okay?” Itou’s slender finger brushed over Renji’s forehead. He was ice cold and sweating like a just ran a marathon. “It doesn’t feel like it… listen… I don’t want to tell you how to live your life, but don’t you think you should check into the hospital again?” 

“No… it’s not the first time…” The teacher might have been way smaller than Renji, but he most certainly felt threatened by his aura. “... I’ll take better care… next time.” 

“I hope so. … see… Ken loves you and is always worried about you, please don’t break this little boy’s heart. The moment you decided to adopt him, you stopped living just for yourself…” He wasn’t a father, but he knew how it felt to be responsible for children. “I don’t live too far off from here, if you need anything please call me or send me a mail. … there’s no one waiting for me at home anyway.” 

Then Itou slipped small piece of paper into the chest pocket of Renji’s shirt, he smiled weakly and for the first time since they met, the teacher seemed to let go of the tension and relaxed, replying with a small grin. 

“Do you need an escort to your apartment?” 

Now the smile faded and he laughed as much as he could. “Thank you, but I think I can manage. You already did enough for us. Thank you very much.” 

“No need to thank me.” Itou coughed lightly and got into his car, it felt wrong to drive back home now, but as he drove away he realised that it wasn’t just because he wanted to make sure that Ken’s father was okay, he wanted to stay because he didn’t want to walk back into an empty flat again. 

Meanwhile Renji fought his inner demons and walked upstairs feeling like the wound on his leg would burst open at any given moment and he’d faint again, but then he felt a pair of arms giving him support. 

“Hey, sleeping beauty, this is not your bed, is it?” 

Why did Take always find his humour at the worst times possible? 

“Fuck… off…” 

“No, you need us now.” Okay, maybe it wasn’t the best move to crack jokes now, especially since he got away better than Renji did. Should he apologise? Take’s throat tightened up every time he tried to speak his thoughts out loud. 

How long could he even keep the act up? It was hard to pretend that everything was okay and to Take’s relief Renji fainted just when he placed him on the sofa. 

Even though aunt Itori’s game was funny, Ken immediately got up and ran over to his papa. “... is he okay?” 

“Yes, your papa is just tired, let him sleep… you know what, Ken? You could help us out in the kitchen.” 

Everything around him was faint, noises, smells, everything was blurry, Renji tried to open his eyes but his lids felt so heavy, there was no chance that he’d wake up just now. What did even happen? The only memories he had of the past events were cloudy, fogged up and hazy. 

Jumping in between the daycare and trying to catch a thief. Who fought back harder than expected… judging by Renji’s injuries. 

How many hours did he sleep? He slipped in and out of consciousness, after a few hours he felt stable, but didn’t really feel the urge or need to get up. Until little Ken walked over to his papa to check on him, maybe if he’d give him enough kisses he’d be okay again. So he pressed a sloppy kiss on his papa’s cheek. 

Renji couldn’t hold back and started laughing. “Hey there…” 

“Papa!” Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to climb up on the sofa and slump down on his injured father, but there was no holding back anymore. “I love you… please be okay…” 

“... I’ll be okay… don’t worry, with all that love and care…” It was a little difficult to sit up when a small child rested on one’s chest, but he managed. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll take better care from now on.” 

“Promise?” 

“Promise.” 

Ken hugged his papa tightly, not willing to let go, even when uncle Uta tried to convince him it was time to eat. 

“But you want your bear to recover soon, right?” 

The glare that the little boy gave him was almost as good as the ones that Renji put on and he coudln’t hold back started laughing. “He’s really your son. Now get over here, both of you. We won’t start without you.” 

While little Ken was more eager to get over to his uncles and his aunt, mostly to get revenge on Uta, Renji decided to stay back. He quietly typed a message and after a few minutes of ignoring the others staring at him, he looked up. “Someone’s coming over. Can we wait for him?” 

“Sure…” Itori couldn’t help but smile in the most inappropriate manner. 

“Don’t tell me you have a boyfriend now.” It was almost upsetting how scandalised Uta was. 

“... no. I just want to thank Ken’s teacher for helping me out.” But there it was again, this heavy blush on Renji’s face, he was really bad with putting into words what he felt, no matter if it was gratitude, anger or anything else. 

Just then the doorbell rang little Ken jumped up and ran over to the door, opened it and hugged his teacher’s legs. 

“Oh hey there…” Itou laughed and gently patted his student’s head. “Would you let me in, please?” 

“... up.” 

“Your wish is my command.” How light this little boy was, it was so easy to lift him up and carry him around. The young man carefully shut the door behind him and awkwardly smiled at the 3 strangers who were staring at him in disbelieve. 

Renji slowly walked over to him and tried to take Ken, but the little boy refused to be carried by anyone but his teacher. “Thank you for coming, I really felt bad about not inviting you in, I didn’t know my friends would… well… cook for a whole army.” 

After a rather embarrassing discourse of them discussing whether or not they overdid it, the small group consisting of Ken, his teacher and his papa finally took their seats. This day was oddly eventful at least for the small Yomo family, even though they could both agree on the fact that it ended well, neither of them wanted to relive a day like that ever again.


	5. Ken and the big question

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this took me so long... I had a lot of personal problems in the past weeks, but I'm trying to update faster in near future. Ah ;; now I'm rambling, enjoy the new chapter!

Ken smiled pleased as his father gently held him in his arms, he liked talking to uncle Daichi but he was already tired. These video chats with him had become their weekly ritual, sometimes his cousins and aunt joint them. Usually they talked about boring stuff that only interested adults, unless Ken could talk to his cousins, they were a little older than him but very kind, even though they had been just as shy as he was when they had first talked to each other. 

After another long and outstretched yawn by the little boy, the brothers decided it was time to end the phonecall for now. “Say goodnight to your uncle.” The little boy glimpsed at the screen of his father's laptop and smiled. “Good night, uncle Daichi. I love you.” 

“I love you too. Sleep well, little Ken.” Then he focused on his brother again. “Call me back later, okay?” 

Renji only nodded and shut the laptop as soon as Daichi hung up. “Hey… Don't fall asleep yet little bear, it's time to brush your teeth.” But the small bundle that rested on his thighs didn’t even listen anymore. 

Being 4 years old was so exhausting, why woudln’t papa just understand that? Playing with Kumo, cuddling papa and socialising with his friends at the daycare was hard work. 

Not falling asleep was even harder with a toothbrush in hand, but with bear’s guidance it got a little easier. Slipping into something more comfortably was the easiest task, Ken loved his pyjama so much some days he refused to take it off for hours. 

Little feet tapped over the floor with eager pace as he wanted to slip under his blanket as fast as possible. Now that Ken got a little heavier he actually grew a little bit and was finally able to climb up in his bed by himself. 

This room had been his since 4 weeks now, it had changed slightly since he first came here. Now there were more books in the shelves, the countless toys people had given him were safely tucked away in his toy boxes, but the thing he loved the most were the empty picture frames on the walls that were slowly filling with happy memories. 

There were pictures of Touka-chan’s and his picknick with Anpan. A photo of him with Kumo and Mochi, a few pictures of uncle Take carrying him around when he was already asleep, pictures of him playing with aunt Itori’s hair and so many more. 

While his son was busy talking to the teddy bear that his uncle Take had given him, which had the highly creative name Papa, Renji tried to pick a proper bedtime story for little Ken. 

There was a vast variety he could pick from, from traditional Japanese stories, over Russian to German. 

… maybe a Danish one today… 

Little Ken was captivated by the story of the little mermaid and her tragic one sided love. Papa’s voice was as soft as the ocean waves described in the story and as warm as the sunshine, but in the end nothing could prevent the tears that the little boy cried out of pity for the mermaid. 

Large warm hands wiped them away and Ken hugged his father tightly. “The prince wasn't fair to the mermaid.” He whined. “Why didn't he just… love her back?” 

Renji chuckled lightly and held Ken a little tighter. “There are many reasons you know… Sometimes people fall in and out of love within the blink of an eye… It's easy to blame the prince, but in a way he loved the little mermaid, just not like she loved him and that's okay.” 

“But it's not fair.” The little boy protested seemingly unimpressed by his father's words. 

“I know, Ken… But sometimes we don't find happiness in the people we desperately want to love us back.” It felt odd to talk about this to a child. “Years back, when I was 13 years older than you are now, I was in the same place as the mermaid.” 

But his papa was still here…? He wasn't see foam. “What do you mean by that? You're not sea foam.” 

His bear laughed and patted Ken's small head. “No… But I'm like a daughter of the wind, I decided not to hurt the person I love and let them go. Sometimes it's a hard decision to make and you have to pretend you don't love the person anymore, even when you still do it… your heart may break and hurt but it'll be okay.” 

“... do you think the mermaid found her happiness?” 

“I'm sure she did. She gave other people hope and joy, she was selfless and kind. I'm sure she's happy now, where ever she is.” 

That was enough to comfort the little boy and make him slip back under the sheets again. He held Papa in his small arms and looked at bear. “... are you happy…? Even without your prince?” 

This was a question he most certainly did not expect but he would answer it truthfully. “I am. You know sometimes certain things make sense when you look at them years after they happened. If I'd stayed with him, I'd might have never adopted you and you are what's most important to me. Now sleep.” He pressed a gentle kiss on his son’s forehead. “I love you.” 

“I love you too, papa.” Little Ken slowly shut his large round eyes and dozed off while Renji watched him. When he first met the little boy, he had never expected that this would happen, that he'd find himself standing next to his bed one day making sure that he was safe.

With Ken in his life many things had changed already… but not to fast, he wanted to enjoy the time he had with his son. 

Oh right, he wanted to call his brother. He was currently alone at home since Haru went to Jeju to visit her parents with the children. Daichi has never been someone who enjoyed being all by himself, unlike Renji. 

No… When he was honest he enjoyed being around people just as much as his brother did, even though he still found it hard to express himself, but since he didn't talk much and kept a rather stoic facial expression around adults it was hard for him to make friends. So in the end he was stuck with the same 3 people he had known since a time span that felt like an half eternity. He wouldn't complain though, walking past all the picture frames that they had filled with shared memories made him remember that it was good to have them in his life. 

Renji only hesitantly pressed the dial button on his phone, but he was relieved to hear his older brother’s voice again. 

“Is he asleep?” 

“Yeah… It took him a while, but he's fast asleep now.” A small smile formed on the younger man’s lips. “He was a bit upset after I read ‘The little mermaid’ to him…” 

Suddenly his brother bursted out into relentless laughter. “He’s really your son.” Was the only thing he managed to press through his lips before he started laughing even harder. 

What on earth was Daichi even talking about? “Would you mind enlightening me on why exactly this situation is so amusing when you're done making fun of me?” 

After a few more minutes older Yomo had finally managed to calm down and coughed awkwardly. “You know when mama first read that story to you, you wouldn't stop crying the whole night through, you were so upset… You only calmed down when she picked you up and showed you the moon and the stars, she said that the little mermaid is somewhere up there, smiling at you because she's happy that someone cries for her, but she wants you to smile too.” 

“Oh… I… forgot about that…” It was just a blurry memory for him now. He remembered always needing his siblings around because everything made him cry, then one day it just stopped. 

“You don't have to act tough around me, Hikari or our parents.” When was the last time Daichi sounded so serious? Not that he was immature, but he was usually the easy going, happy type of person. 

“I’m not -” But the way his voice broke and how the words made him choke was enough for both of them to know that he was acting tough again. 

His brother sighed and rolled his eyes before smiling unseen by his younger sibling. “Listen… we’re here for you. We know you’re strong, but being strong doesn’t mean you have to carry your package on your own, okay? So what’s wrong, little sunshine?” 

Renji curled up on the sofa and was accompanied by Kumo only moments after he lied down. “I’m worried about Ken…” 

“... is something wrong with him?”

“... no… it’s just…” How to explain without sounding ridiculous? “... do you ever feel like your kids are growing up too fast…?” 

“... yes, but that’s natural.” 

“... no I mean… I mean like… I know that it feels like it’s too fast for every parent… I’m just scared that I make mistakes I can’t fix in the future… you know… I just want to do my best.. For him.” 

The only noise that was audible for a few minutes was the sound of breathing and the soft purring of Kumo who stretched out and rubbed her head against Renji’s arm before falling back asleep. 

“You’re doing your best, there’s nothing more he could ask of you… the first few years of his life have been awful for this little guy, you’re doing your best to give him something he can build on in the future, I’m proud of you okay? Not everyone has the courage to do that.” 

Renji only nodded, but the sound of hair rubbing against fabric was loud enough and Daichi understood his brother even without words, he always had. 

“Don’t worry so much… and now get some rest. I love you.” 

“Love you too…” 

In the morning he wouldn’t even remember how he got into his bed, but somehow he did… as well as Kumo and Ken. 

“He’ll wake up if you touch his face gently… see… gently… not with your claws -” Little Ken gently brushed his fingers over papa’s cheeks, he was softer than he looked liked when the little boy was honest. 

Kumo was a little confused but also touched Renji’s face, they repeated the procedure until he finally opened his eyes. “... are you two enjoying yourselves…?” 

“Yes.” The little boy started giggling and gave his father a hug, that was too much action for the tired cat so she took off and ran into the kitchen. “I love you, bear.” 

“I love you too, Ken…” God, it was way too early… his alarm didn’t even go off yet, usually he was the one to wake his son up, but maybe he was hungry. “... should we get ready?” Small hands cupped his face and small lips touched his nose. 

“Only if you’re ready.” 

“Always.” Renji let his fingers run through Ken’s hair, he was such a kind person, always putting others before him. “Let’s go.” 

Being a little more eager than his father, the little boy already took off while the adult only got up. He sighed and looked into the mirror, he looked awful, but when didn’t he? Who cared anyway, there were more important things to do than drowning in self loathing, like Ken’s morning rituals, he was able to do more things all by himself now at least he was eager to do it by himself but his papa still needed to help him here and there. Getting into the bathtub wasn’t too easy for example, but his bear was strong, he could lift him up. The water was nice and warm, just how Ken liked it. 

Kumo had meanwhile filled her tiny stomach and joined Renji who was watching his son play. She would never really understand why this hairless cats loved sitting in water so much, maybe she’d get an answer if she’d ask papa? But he only patted her head, well that wasn’t bad either. 

“Can I play with Kumo too?” 

“Then we’ll have to get you out of the tub first.” 

Why did he have to make such important decisions already? He wanted to stay in the bathtub but also play with Kumo… oh well, there were sacrifices he had to make and he’d gladly make them for the little cloud. 

After less than 30 minutes Ken was ready to go and chase after the fluffy cat just before breakfast was ready, even though they’d been living together for a month now Renji still wasn’t used to preparing meals on such regular bases, before he adopted Ken he sometimes lived on takeaways and cup noodles for days. 

When he was honest, the last time he actually remembered cooking proper meals this often was the time when he was still living with Hikari in their small apartment in one of the less glamorous parts of Tokyo. 

Back then he just started his training as policeman, his sister who got married at young age, already mother of 2 children, was attending University even though people heavily criticized her for this decision. Arata had to leave his little family for a few months because he got an offer for a job training abroad. They were so unorganised back then, but at least someone could always look after the kids. When Renji was at the academy Hikari was at home, when he was at home, she was at University. Touka and Ayato were still so young and barely understood what was going on, but they enjoyed the time living with their uncle and he enjoyed being around them. 

“... papa?” Ken wasn’t used to his papa being so quiet, usually he was singing when he prepared the meals, he was a good singer in the little boy’s opinion. Papa could even sing the very high notes and the very low ones, but today he seemed somewhat sad. 

“Hm? What is it?” 

“... don’t be sad papa, I love you.” Maybe he’d be happier if little Ken showed him more affection than usual, if that was even possible of course, so the little boy clung to his leg a bit too tightly. 

Renji wasn’t too sure what to do so after a while he lifted his son up and looked him in the eyes. “Sometimes people are sad, Ken… that’s okay, it just happens. It doesn’t mean they’ll always be sad and I’m not sad, I just thought about something.” 

“Really?” For some reason he couldn’t really believe what his papa said, but in the end he had to trust him. “... I love you…” 

“I love you too.” His son’s cheeks had become a little softer over the course of the past month and he giggled and lightly kicked every time the got a kiss, so his father had to put him down rather quickly. “You can take your seat, your breakfast is ready in a minute.” 

Without putting too much effort into it the little boy climbed up his chair and took his seat, he had gotten much stronger since he started eating more and he grew a few centimeters. Plus it was actually a lot of fun to run and climb up on things… as long as papa said it was okay to do so. 

Bear made the best breakfast in the world, sure Ken hasn't eaten at many different places yet, but he was sure that everything his papa made was the best. Even though it was always a bit too much… 

Renji wasn't too minimalistic with his breakfast either, before he adopted Ken he only ate leftovers of takeaways and now he actually ate proper meals. How much this little bundle of joy changed his life already… his hand gently brushed over his injured leg, the wound was healing and he could walk again without worrying to much about the throbbing pain around the wound area. It still hurt a bit when he had to run after Ken, but the little boy was a bit too eager to get ready for his next adventure at the daycare and Renji had to make sure he didn’t hurt himself or get his clothes dirty. 

“Can't wait to see your friends?” 

“Yes!” Exclaimed the little boy while fighting his way into his coat. “And sensei… Why doesn't he come over here more often…? He used to be around almost every night.” 

Why did this question make him so uncomfortable…? After all it was just the innocent curiosity of a child. “Kuramoto-sensei was only here to help me out while I was sick, Ken… He's got an own life to live and that means he also needs time for himself.” 

“Okay…” When he was honest Ken didn't think too much about him being around sensei, but it made papa so happy and he didn't understand why they stopped seeing each other now… or maybe sensei didn't want to be around bear anymore. No, that was a stupid thought, who wouldn't want to be around Ken's bear? 

It was almost too funny how his son tended to look at him from time to time, he'd just space out and focus on him, his large round eyes would sparkle just before he jumped up and ran to his father to give him a hug. 

This time it was a little different as Ken ran up to the door and demanded that his father should hurry up, they were running late already, at least in the little boy’s opinion. 

What was so funny? Papa rarely laughed, but now he could barely stop, little Yomo puffed his cheeks and opened the door himself. He had to do everything himself these days. 

“Don’t make such a face, I love you.” 

“... I love you too…” No, now wasn’t the time to cry he had to stay strong. “But we really have to go now!” 

Did he copy his aunts speech pattern by now? It was a little too amusing to see that Ken’s role model turned out to be Hikari, but it wasn’t bad of course… she was amazing after all. 

“We’re faster if I carry you.” Ah, no they weren’t. “Bear just wants a hug…” Papa’s body shook as he laughed while Ken hugged him tightly, he loved him very much, no need to pretend that he didn’t want a hug in first place. 

Today everything was too slow for little Yomo’s taste. Why couldn’t the cars drive faster? Why was papa walking so slowly? Usually he’d wait but today he didn’t have much time, so he just started running towards the entrance of the day care. 

“Ken, slow down a bit.” Exclaimed a friendly female voice. 

“Kaya-sensei!” It almost sounded like an delighted scream as Ken ran even faster and only stopped to bow in front of his sensei. 

His father didn’t seem to be too happy to see her, a small grin formed on her lips. “Kuramoto gives the kids a lecture on why they shouldn’t painting on walls.” 

Was he so easy to read? The policeman only nodded lightly and then crouched to get on an eye level with his son. “Be good, okay? I love you.” 

“I love you too, bear.” Even though the time was running out he had to give his papa a hug and gave him a kiss before they parted, then he ran off into the daycare. He needed to talk to as many kids as possible, this was something very important. 

“Onee-chan!!” Little feet tapped over the floor as soon as he got rid of his shoes and his bag. 

“Oh hey K-” There was no way she could stop the little boy and so Kimi just let him crash into her. “Hey, is something wrong?” 

Good question. “I'm not sure… it's a difficult situation nee-chan. I need to find someone!” 

“Who are you even looking for?” The little boy was talking so fast she barely understood him. 

Now that was an even better question. “I don't know… You know…” They slumped down in the middle of the room and Ken started thinking hard about who he actually needed to find. “Papa told me that he lost his prince when he was… younger… And I don't want him to be sad anymore!” 

“Did your papa say he's sad?” 

Well, actually he never said he was, but Ken remembered the one time he found papa sitting outside his room crying and all the times he was lost in thought, then he looked sadder as when he actually cried. “He didn't say it, but the little mermaid was sad too when she lost her prince…” 

“Love is nothing you can force Ken…” She sighed. “Well that's what they say in movies, you could buy my love… With pudding.” 

Kimi nee-chan was funny and she knew so many things. “What if someone gives papa a lot of pudding? Will he be papa’s prince then?” 

The girl shook her head. “I don't think it's that easy for adults, maybe the others know more.” That was enough to make Ken run off, he didn't even have the time to thank nee-chan for her kindness. 

So who could he ask? Shiro and Kanae were holding hands again while they were lying on the floor and just stared at the ceiling. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

They both sat up, Kanae rested his head on Shiro's shoulder and looked at Ken. He was such a pretty boy, with sleepy eyes and rosy cheeks. Shiro was a bit more scruff, they either made a good match or formed a hard contrast.

“What do you know about love?” 

Weird question. “I love dancing.” Exclaimed Kanae, moving his small feet. “One day I'll dance on a big stage… I'll be the prince in Swan Lake.” A gentle smile formed on his lips. “Because I love this ballet.” 

Meanwhile Shiro’s answer went into a completely different direction. “I love Kanae.” Awkward silence spread and a blush coloured his face in a bright red. “I’ll marry him one day.” Did he just make it worse? 

Suddenly the other boy started giggling and held his friend’s hand a little tighter. “... yes… one day.” 

“How much pudding did he give you, Kanae?” 

A little bewildered by the question he rose a brow and shook his head. “None…” 

Ken sighed, maybe Akira-chan knew more? 

“Akira nee-chan!” 

The little girl turned her head in the direction of the noise and smiled. “Hello.” 

“What do you know about love?” He coudln’t lose time now, so he just had to ask her straight away. 

“Hm…” Now she had to pretend that she was thinking hard about the question and after a few minutes she clapped her hands together and said. “I love my papa, spicy food and my cat Maris Stella the first.” 

Amon, who had joined them quietly, pulled a grimace and shook his head. “You only love things that are scary.” Oh God no… they always bickered when they were around each other, but they would never separate either. 

Okay so those two weren’t much of a help for him, maybe he had to ask someone else… Shuu-kun surely knew an answer that would help him. So little Ken took off and ran to his friend. “Shuu-kun!” 

He was reading again, but as soon as he heard Ken approaching him a small smile formed on his lips and he put the book away. “Hello.” 

The little boy sat down next to him and sighed. “... what do you know about love…?” 

That was a surprising question. “Not much when I’m honest… Well, I do love my family and other things, but I suppose your question goes in a different direction, right?” 

How did he know so much…? Ken’s little mouth ran dry and he nodded lightly. “... it’s … because of something papa said… you know… I just… I think he’s lonely, you know?” 

“... my father doesn’t have a partner either. He didn’t remarry even though my mother passed away when I was born, he said he saves all his love for the 3 of his children." A small smile formed on his lips. “Sometimes people are happy like that you know… not every adult needs a partner.” 

“Yeah I know…” Ken shifted nervously until Shuu put one arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer. “It’s just… he looked so sad when he said that he lost his prince when he was younger. I have to find a new one for him!” 

How ambitious the little boy was. “Give him some time, you can’t force things like that.” 

Now 2 people had already told him that… so there must be some kind of truth in that statement or maybe he just had to ask an adult, but for now it was enough just to lean against Shuu and think about everything they said. 

***

“... sensei?” 

“Huh?” Kuramoto-sensei looked up and smiled at Ken. “Why aren’t you asleep?” 

Was it odd to say that it was because of the things in his head? The things he had to think about? “Can I ask you something?” 

“Sure.” He lifted the boy up and placed him on the last free chair next to him. “What's bothering you?” 

“...I think papa is lonely… And if can find him a prince he'll be okay!” 

It was hard not to laugh, not because it was ridiculous but it was way too cute how determined this 4 year old was. “A prince?” 

“Someone who'll stay with him when I'm not there.” Ken felt how his eyes started to fill with tears. “Who takes care of my bear when I grow up?” 

“Don't cry. You know there a lot of people who are okay with the people they have in their life you know… No need for a romance.” But when he was honest, he understood what the little boy meant. “You can't force or hurry things like that, Ken. If your papa finds his ‘prince’ it'll all workout… magically.” He pinched the little boys nose which made him giggle. “Give it some time.” 

“Did you find your prince yet?” Now that was a question he wasn't prepared for. “Well… Uh…” Kuramoto-sensei nervously scratched the back of his head. “Yes… Well there's someone I like but he doesn't know that I feel that way.” 

“Then tell him that you do.”

Easier said than done…

“You know, papa said it’s important to be honest with everyone, be honest with your prince.” The little boy looked at his teacher and smiled brightly. “I'm sure he'll love you too and if not give him pudding until he does.” 

“Sounds like a good plan. I’ll do it, but now go to sleep, I don’t want you to get sick.” 

But little Ken was way too excited to fall asleep now, what kind of person did sensei like? What was his prince like? So many questions were a bit too much for his little head. 

*** 

“Your papa is running late…” But it seemed like sensei was even a little more distressed than Ken. “Mhm…” He mumbled while he put more paper flowers in Kanae’s hair. “It’s okay. Matsumae nee-chan wasn’t here either yet… so…” 

The first time his papa was running late he threw a tantrum and now he was so calm and collected, Itou wished they could switch places, why was he so nervous? All he had to do was… 

“Hello!” A pretty young girl exclaimed, before she bowed lightly, she had dark hair and blue eyes, a small tote bag was dangling from her right shoulder. Was she someone’s older sister? Itou had never seen her before, but the reaction that followed when the kids finally looking at the girl explained the whole situation. 

“TOUKA-CHAN!” Ken jumped up and ran over to the girl, she kneeled down and lifted the boy up, who giggled and gave her a hug before he turned to his teacher. “Sensei, this is my cousin Touka.” 

“Nice to meet you, I’m Kirishima Touka. You must be Kuramoto-san, right? My uncle talks about you a lot.” She smiled brightly and acted like she didn’t notice the blush on the other’s face. “He told me to pick Ken up today, they’ll stay at our place tonight.” 

“Ah, okay… then get ready to leave and tell everyone goodbye before you go.” 

It was surprising how much power the little boy had, wriggling his way out of his cousins embrace. Ken giggled excited as he got ready and hugged his friends before leaving. “See you tomorrow! Goodbye, sensei.” 

“See you tomorrow, Ken.” As the little boy’s cousin bowed again he returned the gesture before he walked back in the daycare to the kids who were still waiting for their parents and parental guardians. Soon this workday would be over and he’d go home alone again… he felt the weight of his phone increasing in his pocket, maybe Ken was right and he just had to be brave, but now was not the time. 

“Shuu-kun said I should visit them soon!” If he wouldn’t hold onto Touka-chan’s hand tightly she might get blown away by the strong wind that started blowing so suddenly. “On Saturdays we can go home earlier… but I have to ask Papa if it’s okay for me to go there.” 

“I’m sure he won’t mind.” She smiled at Ken as he looked at her in amazement. “Ken, I want you to meet someone… you could say she’s something to me like Shuu is to you.” 

Someone was standing at the gate and waved at them, she was a bit shorter than Touka-chan, chubby and had caramel brown hair. She was pretty, with her fluffy cheeks that were glowing in a rosy pink and her clothes that were coloured in pastel tones. 

“Ken, this is Yoriko-chan, Yoriko this my cousin Ken.” 

Even though the little boy has gotten a bit braver, he still was too shy to approach the girl, so he just held his cousin’s hand a bit tighter and waited for her to make a move. 

“So this is the youngest Yomo, hm? Hey there.” She smiled at him, but he didn’t show any sign of being less scared of her. “... I am really surprised that he is intimidated by me but not of Yomo-san, usually it’s the other way around.” 

Touka could barely hold back the laughter. “You should see my uncle when he’s around Ken, I haven’t see him smile like that in ages.” While they were on their way to the Kirishima’s house, the girls wouldn’t stop talking about all the things they already did with Ken’s papa. They’d been to the zoo, the beach and even took a few dance lessons together, but now it were just distant memories. 

Yoriko-chan was Touka’s best friends since they met in middle school and even though she had know her friends family for so long, Yoriko prefered to call them all by their last names, except for her friend and her friend’s brother. 

When they finally arrived at their destination, little Ken was already too tired to walk by himself and just let Touka carry him, it was so nice to have older cousin, especially one that was almost as strong as his bear. 

“Hey Ken… look over there.” 

The little boy groaned, not willing to move away from the comfortable spot, this neighbourhood was oddly familiar… they were already there! When he turned his head to the frontside of the house he saw his papa standing in the door with Anpan by his side. 

“PAPA!” 

It was almost painful to hear him shout it out and Touka had to put him down once more. “Slow down, Ken -” Hopefully he wouldn’t fall, he was running a bit too fast in his cousin’s opinion, but he just couldn’t be stopped. Just when his father lifted him up and gave him a hug the little boy calmed down. 

“Is that really your uncle? Are you sure that’s Yomo-san -” Yoriko was seemingly bewildered by seeing him smile so brightly. “Or did we just enter the twilight zone…?” 

“He’s always like that when he’s around his son. I’m always amazed to see how much he changed since he adopted Ken… but enough of that let’s go inside.” 

Eating dinner with the newest edition to Ken’s family was more exciting than he thought, Yoriko was a baker and she even made a cake for everyone. It was a little embarrassing when she told everyone how well little Yomo did helping her out with decorating the cake, when all he did was just putting a strawberry on top of it. 

Everything was peaceful and quiet except for occasional slurping sounds whenever someone decided it was time to take another sip of their tea. Just the ringing of a phone disturbed the blissful silence and everyone turned to Renji who was visibly uncomfortable. “It might just be Take…” But that ringtone wasn’t the default tone he used for his best friend, his hands were shaking lightly as he opened the message, now they were certain that it wasn’t his colleague. 

“Oh my God…” 

Did he just blush? Yoriko nearly choked on her cake and everyone else stared at the young father with a mix of delight and confusion. 

“... stop staring at me like that…” 

Did he just smile? Shyly? He fastly typed a reply and let his phone slip into his pocket again. “Mind your own business.” And the only one who did was little Ken who happily devoured his 2nd slice of cake.


	6. Ken's favourite uncle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- tw Parental death mention - 
> 
> Sorry for the late update! Uni life is busy atm, but thank you all so so so much for the support!! Please have patience with me OTL

“Why can’t I stay with you?” Ken whinned as he pulled on his father’s jeans, at least he tried this damn thing wrapped way too tightly around his leg. “I don’t want you to leave.” 

He was saying that now, but as soon as he’d see who’d take care of him today he’d forget about his papa. “I won’t be away too long, just a few hours, someone invited me to go out… and he wants to see me alone. We can do something together tomorrow, promise. How would you like going to the toy store?” 

“... are there bears?” 

“Yes, there are bears.” 

Before Ken could even say anything the doorbell rang and attracted his attention. “Coming!” For some reason he loved to pretend to be already grown up. Renji just laughed as he watched him run over the door while he fixed his shirt. Was it too much…? Tight fitting black jeans, a loose fitting white shirt and a large leather bracelet, he wouldn’t go overboard on the first date. 

“UNCLE TAKE!” 

“Hey there.” There was no way that he could step into the flat without lifting Ken up first, everyone who wanted to enter had to give the little boy a hug first. “How are you?” 

“Good, how are you?” 

“Me too.” Take smiled and let his dog run into the flat before he shut the door, then he looked at his colleague and wasn't quite sure how to react. “Wow - Renji, is that really you?” 

“... just tell me if it's too much.” 

The man laughed and shook his head and little Ken copied him. “No no, you look fine, it's just a little unusual to see you like that.” 

“No no.” Repeated little Ken in the same tone as his uncle until he pinched his nose lightly. 

“I’ll have to be there in 20 minutes, so… You know what to do, I'll be back soon.” Renji took a deep breath and checked it he really had everything he needed, gave his son a kiss goodbye and hesitantly stepped out of the door. He turned around one last time and gave Take a pleading look. 

“Go or you'll regret it for the rest of your life.” 

The young father nodded and shut the door, there was no turning back now. 

Ken watched papa’s car pull out of the driveway, now he'd spend the evening with uncle Take. If uncle Take was here, then… “Where is kitty?” 

“He was to work a bit longer today, but he'll come here later.” Uta said something about a vernisagé he had to organise, nothing that Ken would understand at this age, well it wasn't that he wouldn't understand what a vernisagé was but his husband’s art wasn't appropriate for young children. 

“Okay…” Was he let down by it? “Now you're mine.” Even though his arms were rather short Ken still managed to give his uncle a tight hug. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Nothing had changed since Ken had met him for the first time, he still held onto the people whom he could trust so tightly... an unpleasant feeling made Take hug the little boy a little tighter. “Please don't ever forget that we all love you very much…” 

“I won't.” Was uncle Mochi crying? It seemed so… maybe a kiss would make it better. 

Take was a little caught off guard by the small kiss from his nephew and he started laughing. “What was that for?” 

“So you’ll stop crying and it worked!” Now it was time to play with Mochi though and Ken wriggled his way out of his uncle's arms. He carefully put the little boy down who immediately ran off to look for Mochi and Kumo. Despite all that happened Ken was still just as soft as water and Take quietly prayed that he'd never change.

While his nephew was busy playing with the pets, Take stared down the list of things the little boy had to do throughout the day. He had to clean his room, play (which seemed to be the most important part on the list), eat dinner and take a bath before going to bed. It seemed like Ken had helped his father write the list, because there were little drawings of him and his family members on the paper. 

“Are you hungry?” 

“No…” He wanted to keep on playing with Mochi, Kumo was fast asleep on the bookshelf where no one could disturb her. “What about you?” 

“Not really… but you know what your papa said, you need to clean up your room -” 

Tiny cheeks puffed but then the little boy sighed and got up. “Okay…” 

As his nephew stomped away Take took the chance to check his phone, 4 missed calls by his husband. “Oh God…” What was going wrong now? Hopefully it was nothing serious. 

“Take-kun -” 

“Yes…?” It sounded like he was whining again, but when wasn’t he, sadly Take had to admit that it always made him smile to know how clingy his husband could be even after being married for 3 years now. “What’s wrong?” 

“I still have so much to do… I don’t want to… can I come over?”

“When your work is done yes.” So was Ken the 4 year old or…? 

“How’s ursa minor?” 

“Good. Cleaning his room.” 

“Can I talk to him?” 

There were two options, number one was that Uta really missed little Ken and really wanted to talk to him or option two he was just trying to save time before he had to go back to work. “Sure. Ken, uncle Uta wants to talk to you.” 

“KITTY!!!” Ken immediately dropped the book he wanted to put in his shelf and ran over to his uncle to grab his phone. “Hello.” Then he wandered off, lost in the conversation that seemed to be rather important, every now and then little Ken glanced over to his uncle Take and started whispering all of his replies. “Okay. Yes I will, I love you too.” Tiny feed tapped back to Take, he handed over the phone with a blank expression before he started cleaning again. 

“Ut-” 

“Sorry, I must go. I love you, see you later.” 

Uta didn’t even wait for a response he just hung up, Take sighed and looked at his dog. “Can you believe this?” Mochi just yawned and barked quietly, he didn’t even know what his papa was talking about, but it seemed to be upsetting. Maybe he should just prepare a snack for Ken as a little reward for all the hard work he put into cleaning his room. Actually Take was just curious how his best friend’s diet had changed since he took care of a child. 

“Oh wow… I never thought I’d see fresh fruits on his counter.” The kitchen was packed with a variety of ingredients they needed to prepare a fresh meal every day. Just a few months ago Renji’s kitchen looked more like a poor University student tried to live on the cheapest cup noodles they could find. How much positive change this little bundle of joy brought into Renji’s life, but well, look who’s talking, Take went through similar changes when he got married. 

He had to focus on the food now, otherwise he’d might just cut his finger trying to cut fruits into small pieces. While he was busy preparing Ken’s snack, the little boy sneaked into the kitchen and wrapped his small arms around his uncle's leg. 

“Are you done already?” 

“Yes.” 

“Are you sure?” 

Ken noded eagerly. “Yes I am. You can check if you want to.” 

“No…” He smiled and patted his nephew’s head. “I trust you.” 

Not sure how to react, being too flustered to speak little Yomo buried his face in the fabric of Take’s jeans. It felt a bit odd when he started giggling, then he ran off and climbed up on the couch. “Cuddle.” 

“Yes, yes.” After work is done there must be some kind of reward. “Are you hungry now?” 

“... maybe…” Should he be honest? It was the first time that he was alone with uncle Take, would he be angry if he told him the truth? “A-Actually I am… a little bit…” 

A wide smile formed on his uncle’s lips. “Great, I wasn’t sure what kind of fruit you eat so I … might went a little overboard with it.” Well, it wasn’t that much… or was it? Ursa minor didn’t care, all he wanted now was hugs from his uncle and something to eat. 

Take carefully took the seat next to Ken who immediately slouched down on his lap. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

Tiny hands grabbed the fruit pieces and the little boy quietly ate the snack while Take watched him. He seemed to be so grateful for every bite and every now and then, just when he picked a piece that was especially sweet he made a delighted noise and smiled peacefully for himself. 

When he first saw Ken, the only thing he asked himself was how anyone could do that to a child, now this feeling was even more prominent, heavier, they had to do everything humanly possible to give this boy the life he deserved. 

“How about we go to the park when you ate up, hm? Mochi needs to go for a walk and I’ll have to go shopping for dinner.” 

“Mhm.” No chance he’d reply properly, he had to eat everything, uncle Take had put too much effort into the preparations, there was no way that he’d let it go to waste. Once he was done, he rushed into the bathroom to wash his tiny hands, next he had to get dressed and get Mochi ready. “Mochi! Mochi we’re going to the park!” 

Just seconds before little Yomo mentioned the park, the dog was rather sleepy and disinterested, but now he jumped up and barked happy. The barking turned into a softer noise when Take told him to be quiet. 

“Let me just put on my coat and then we’re ready to go.” A rather impatient dog and a very excited 4 year old made him hurry up and just seconds later they were standing in the cool afternoon air. “Come on, let’s go.” 

Tiny feet tried to take big steps, but it would be better to hold uncle’s hand for support. Large round eyes scanned the area around them, this place was so quiet and beautiful, the small park around the apartment complex, the shiny cars that were parked on the parking lot, the few familiar looking faces of his neighbours. Was this the feeling of actually being home somewhere? 

Ken tightened the grip on his uncle’s hand as he felt tears rolling down his cheeks. 

“What’s wrong little bear?” Take stopped and kneeled down next to the boy. “Are you hurt?” 

How should he explain this? He wasn’t sad and nothing hurt. “I… don’t know… I’m happy and then I started crying... am I broken? Can we fix this?” 

“You’re not broken, you know sometimes when you just feel too much at once and your body isn’t sure what to do, so you start crying.” He carefully lifted the child up and let him rest his head on his shoulder. “Just calm down, I’ll carry you until you can walk again.” 

It felt like a deja vú, he heard this words before. How old was he back then? Maybe 8… so twice the age his nephew was now, his grandfather whispered those words back then, ‘Just calm down, I’ll carry you until you can walk again’, but it was a completely different situation. 

Take tightened his grip on Ken, it felt like he was the one who needed support now as he remembered the night that his grandparents picked him up, the night he had to pack everything he needed into a suitcase and leave his home forever, the night that he first heard the words he just told his nephew. 

Ken was incredibly quiet as if he knew how his uncle felt, he quietly nuzzled against him and stopped crying after a while. “Uncle Take…?” His voice was quiet and broke when he tried to speak. 

“Hm…?” 

“You can put me down now… I can walk on my own, just hold my hand.” His tiny fingers were barely able to wrap around Take’s large hand, so he just grabbed a finger. “... did you know that bear make clouds?” 

“They do?” 

“Yes!” It seemed like Ken’s good mood had a debut. “When they cook noodles they accidentally make clouds.” 

“That sounds interesting, how did you find that out?” 

“When papa cooked noodles he made clouds!” 

Or he just was too busy texting and managed to evaporate it, it was way too funny to imagine Renji’s terrified face when he realised that he managed to evaporate a half liter of water. 

It was nice to hear uncle Take laugh, he was so tense just a few moments ago. Ken smiled pleased and squeezed his uncle’s finger a bit tighter. 

The park wasn’t too crowded and Mochi could run freely as Take and Ken watched him, they sat on one of the many benches that were placed in a neat line at each side of the park. What was going on in Ken’s mind right now? He blankly stared at the scenery before him, lost in thought. 

If his father had the same thoughts, back then when he was still a child? How did it feel to see your own child growing up? Now he couldn't help but wonder if they'd be proud of him, would they support him and the decision he made? Could he even say that they knew him…? He was only 8 years old when they died, twice as old as Ken was now, but he still vividly remembered them.

His mother was short, timid, gentle, she was a beautiful woman with a kind smile, she had long silky black hair, her skin was tanned, much like Renji’s. His father was the complete opposite, he was tall, muscular, had red hair and pale skin, his mother always said his freckles looked like stars. He was an English professor from Scotland who fell in love with a bioscientist who accidentally bumped into him on the train. Take was the proof of their love, that's what they always called him, their little star, they've loved him he was sure of it, they always did. 

Ken quietly moved closer to his uncle and snuggled up against him. Uncle Take was Ken's second favourite person after papa, he knew that he could trust them no matter what happened. 

After a few more minutes Mochi decided that he had played long enough and trod over to his papa and little Yomo. 

“Can we go now?” 

Mochi sighed and rubbed his head against his papa’s leg. 

“I take that as a yes.” 

Uncle Take was amazing, he could even talk to animals. Little Ken slid off the bench and took his uncle’s hand, it was cold. December was approaching and that meant that Ken's birthday was close. 

“It's my first birthday that I don’t spend at the orphanage…” 

“I know.” He couldn't smile so he avoided eye contact, he'd never forget Ken's birthday as it was so close to that night he'd rather forget. “What do you want for your birthday?” 

“Papa.” 

Now that most certainly lightened the mood. “He's already yours Ken - no one will take your papa away from you.” 

“More bears.” Little Yomo jumped up and down. “I want bears! Bears, bears, bears.” 

It was hard to breathe and laugh at the same time and Take nearly choked on air. “Yes, yes you’ll get all the bears you want.” 

“Really? All of them?” 

“All of them.” Take gently wiped over his eyes and tried to stop laughing, this child had so much energy. “But first you have to tell me what you’d like to eat for dinner.” 

“Hm…” Why did he always ask him difficult things? “Katsudon.” 

“Good, then I’ll make it for you.” Seeing his nephew smile so happily gave him such a good feeling, now he finally understood why his grandpa always tried to make him smile. “Then let’s go shopping.” 

Unlike his papa, his uncle went to the bigger stores, ones that could be found in all parts of the city. When he was honest he found the kind of atmosphere in these stores unsettling, so he moved closer to his uncle and held his hand a little tighter. 

“Hey, no need to be nervous little Yomo.” 

There were many reasons to be nervous, first of all Mochi had to wait outside in the cold, second there were too many people and when he was honest he missed his papa… He didn’t want to be angry but for some reason his mood dropped so low that he started sulking. 

Take gently patted his head and then lifted his nephew up. “I’ll hurry up, okay? We’ll be back home soon.” For some reason it was relieving to know that Ken got upset, he slowly let go of his old habits and adapted to his new surroundings. “Let’s see…” 

Did he talk to himself while he was shopping? Uncle Take was funny and soon Ken forgot why he was upset in first place, still it was too nice to be carried around. Even though he got a little sleepy… No he had to stay awake, so he just lifted his small head and looked around, maybe he'd spot something interesting. 

To his disappointment he spotted no familiar faces, but all the colourful boxes and things he spotted made up for the lack of people he could say hi too. “Bears!” 

“Huh?” Take was a little caught off guard and nearly dropped the package of of meat he held in his free hand. It was seriously way to difficult to hold Ken and the basket with one arm, but he didn’t want to be put down. “Where? Oh over there.” 

Little Yomo had spotted bear shaped candy, he wouldn’t stop pointing at it and looking at his uncle again. 

“Do you want it?” 

“Yes please.” He nodded eagerly and stretched his arms out to grab it, but his uncle was faster and put it in the basket before he could reach it. Now he was sure that uncle Take was his best uncle. “Thank you.” Maybe a kiss was enough of a thank you. 

“You’re welcome… I think we have everything, I’ll pay and then we go back home.” Why was Ken suddenly so impatient? Take had to put him down as he started bouncing up and down nervously, staring at the supermarket’s entrance. 

“What a cute little boy, is he yours?” The cashier was an older woman, most probably already a grandmother. 

“No.” He smiled lightly. “He’s my best friend’s son. I’m only taking care of him.” So much to small talk, Take paid and grabbed the bags, Ken had already left the store to run up to Mochi. 

“I’m so sorry.” Was he crying? “I’ll never leave you again. I love you Mochi, please don’t hate me.” The dog didn’t really understand what the fuss was all about and he just gave Ken kisses until he stopped crying. 

“He’s used to it, you know? Mochi needs little breaks when we go out, otherwise he’ll might get sick.” Take carefully untied him and the dog got up. “No need to worry about him, he’s not mad at you.” 

If his uncle was so sure about it Ken trusted him. “You know so many things.” He really looked up to his uncle. “When I'm all grown up I want to be like papa and you.” 

“I'm sure you'll be great on your own, you know? You'll be Ken and that's enough. No need to strive for becoming like us.” It was a little ironic how these words were passed onto him by his grandfather. He missed him so much, maybe he should just give him a call…? 

The way back felt so different, for a moment he even forget that they were still in Tokyo. Little Ken peacefully walked next to Mochi and held onto him, quietly talking to the dog. It was funny how they were actually the same age. 

Take’s first dog was younger, thinking about her now made his heart ache. He found her the 3rd night he spent at his grandparent’s house, it was the night in which he finally realised that his parents were gone forever. Back then it snowed and he ran away from home, he didn't get far as he stopped under a bridge because desperate cries caught his attention. 

A little puppy was fighting against the rising tide as it held onto a piece of the brick wall that fell into the water. If he wouldn't help the puppy it would die, it was alone… Just like him, without parents who would save it. 

Maybe it was for the fact that he was only eight years old and didn't understand how dangerous it was to lean down and fish the dog out of the water. Not really caring about the cold he wrapped her up in his jacket and ran back home crying. He cried because he was ashamed, he wanted to leave this place behind and still returned because there was no where else he could go. He cried because of the life he had just saved risking his own and he cried because his grandparents didn't scold him for running away. 

Take spent that night sleeping in front of the oven curled up in a warm blanket with the little puppy in his arms, his grandmother had fed her with a baby bottle, some odd liquid she got from the vet who lived in the neighbouring town, despite the bad weather she drove there for the sake of Take’s new friend. Now it had been up to him to make sure that the little puppy would survive, she shared the same fate as he did after all.

A few tears started rolling down his cheeks as he remembered waking up the next morning, staring into a pair of large brown eyes. The dog, whom he later named Kohana, made it safely through the night, she woke Take up by giving him sloppy kisses as if she was thanking him. 

Kohana lived an exceptionally long live for a dog, something that was only possible because he was brave that one time… 

Just thinking about her made it hard to talk, it felt like the memories slowly suffocated him, he didn't want to think for a while and just kept on walking. This time the distance between the busy part of the city and little Yomo’s home seemed so much shorter, thank goodness. 

“Can you walk upstairs alone?” Take was a little worried about Ken's attempts to reach the apartment all by himself. 

“Y-Yes… I hope so…” These stairs were a little intimidating after such a long walk, but before little Ken could even take the first step someone rushed down the stairs and picked him up. “Kitty!” 

“Hey, Ursa Minor.” Uta laughed and hugged his nephew, then he turned to his husband and smiled at him. “Hey star man.” 

For a moment he was baffled but then he started laughing. “Oh stop it…” That he still remembered the story about his parents calling him their little star. Well, Uta refused to call his husband small, sometimes he even refused to call him cute, but both of them knew that whatever it was that connected them, was so much deeper than words could ever describe. 

“So how was your day?” 

“Good! I cleaned my room and we went shopping…” Then he proceeded to talk about various unimportant things, but his kitty gladly listened. 

Meanwhile Take stood behind, he watched them walk back into the apartment, but he didn't want to join them yet. Mochi have him a questioning look as his papa took of his leash and put the bag in his mouth. “Go to Uta and give him the bag, I'll be there in a minute.” 

Mochi did as he was told, he was so attached to both of them that he never misbehaved, but before he joined Uta and little Ken he took a last look at his papa. 

“Go… It's okay.” 

What was even okay right now? Spending the evening alone with Ken triggered so many memories he had repressed. Did he ever thank his grandparents for everything they did for him? 

He sat down on the stairs and stared into the slowly darkening sky, it would rain… maybe snow. It was oddly cold this year, it was the same in the year his grandparents got the custody for him. 

Just as the first snowflakes started falling from the sky, he remembered how Renji called him in the middle of the night last december, not being able to form a proper sentence and crying like a child. … why did he do it again? Oh yes, he said that he had listened to a song that made him realise how grateful he actually was for being a part of his friends’ lives. 

Back then Take only smiled and shook his head, told him that he was a little over dramatic, but that he was glad and that he felt the same… Only now he realised that didn't even fully grasp what Renji was saying, only now he understood what he actually meant. 

He pulled out his phone and dialled his grandparents number after a while. It was so dreadful for wait for them to pick up, he wanted to talk to them so badly. 

“Hello?” 

Just hearing his grandpa’s voice made him tear up. “Ojichan…” Even when he just said hello his voice was so warm and calming, it felt like home. 

“Ah, Take-kun, how are you? Is everything okay?” 

“Y-Yes… Everything's fine.” He sniffled lightly and wiped the tears away. “I just wanted to hear your voice, I missed you.” 

“I missed you too. I know you're very busy with work, sorry for not calling you.” 

But why did he apologise? It would have been Take’s task to make the first move… Even now ojichan protected him. “... did I ever… Ojichan… Thank you… For everything.” 

The old man laughed and it felt like he gently patted his grandson’s head. “Take-kun, your grandma and I love you very much. You don't have to thank us, knowing that you've grown up to be such a wonderful young man is enough for us. We're very proud of you.” 

Even though he had no intention of making him cry, Take started sobbing loudly and it took him several minutes to calm down, but he old man didn’t hang up, he only reassured him that it was okay, he was there and he’d stay with him until he had calmed down. 

“Would you like coming over with your husband next weekend? It would be nice to see you again.” 

“Yes… Yes that's a great idea. Ah, ojichan… I have to hang up now, Uta and Ken are waiting for me -” He didn't forget to tell his grandpa about Renji’s son did he…? 

“Then don't make them wait. Take care, I love you.” 

“You too. I love you too, very much.” Then he hung up and took a deep breath. Now he was ready to fulfil his duties as uncle again.

It had stopped snowing by now, only a few rooftops were lightly covered by a thin layer of glistening white. Take took a look around, then he finally walked up the stairs, unlocked the door and walked into the apartment. 

Uta was drying himself while little Ken ran through the flat chasing Kumo who was in distress over the little boy’s dinosaur onesie. 

“What… Happened…?” 

“Well… I bathed him…. More like he bathed me.” But he only laughed. “He's less cooperative than Mochi.” 

Take laughed and took off his coat and shoes, then he walked in the kitchen and finally started to prepare their dinner. Talking to his grandpa gave him some peace of mind, but he was still a little shaken. He should visit his parents again too. 

“Do you want to watch a movie before we eat dinner?” Uta was finally dry and able to catch the tiny dinosaur, Kumo was surprisingly grateful and even rubbed her body against his leg instead of attacking him. 

“Yes, yes!” Ken giggled and played with his tiny hands. “Ponyo!! Can we watch Ponyo?

“Whatever your heart desires, my liege.” 

Why was Uta so good with children? Everytime he was around them he made them laugh. Neither of them wanted own children though, Ken was enough for them, well Ken and Mochi. 

Halfway through the preparations Take decided to check on them, they didn't even notice him. Ken was sitting on Uta's lap while his uncle played with his tiny feet, both of them were so focused on the movie that they even forgot to blink for several minutes. 

He laughed and shook his head before he focused on his task again. Take was done with cooking before the movie was over, but Ken and Uta agreed that they'd finish it another day. Now it was more important to spend time with each other that didn't include movies. 

“Be careful Ken, it's still hot.”

He nodded and ate careful, he didn't want to get his onesie dirty. Eating with his uncles was more fun, they let him sit on the same table as them, but he had to admit that he was a little too short. 

After a few minutes of blissful silence Uta smiled and looked at Take. “Do you remember what you said after I proposed to you?”

“Yeah… Now you'll have to eat my homemade food for the rest of your life.” Back then he didn't think of himself of a skilled cook for a reason, he was so bad at cooking that he spent months learning it before their wedding took place. “Obachan has the patience of a saint…” After all she was the one who taught him how to cook. 

Little Ken seemed to like what his uncle had cooked as he ate up without needing to be encouraged to do so. Then he patiently waited for his uncles to finish their meals too. 

“Are you waiting for something…?” Take was a little confused because Ken kept staring at him. 

“Well maybe he does -” 

What was even going on anymore? “Are you plotting against me?” 

Ken got up and walked over to his Kitty and pulled on his arm. “Please.” 

Uta lifted Ken up and placed him on his lap before he gave him a tight hug. “But can I be sure that you were good today?” 

“Yes.” 

“Are you really sure?” It surely wasn't fair of him that he started tickling the little boy, but Ken enjoyed it and giggled while trying to fight his uncle off. 

“YYEEESSS!” Only a tight bear hug could stop the evil kitty now. 

Take only watched them hug it out, but seeing Uta like that made him realise that he was lucky to have him once again. 

“Okay, okay. Help me clean the table and prepare everything.” Then Uta turned to his husband. “And you… Close your eyes -” 

What did he plan again…? But it seriously led nowhere to argue with him so Take just nodded. He quietly watched Ken and Uta vanish in the kitchen, hopefully not long enough for his dreadful memories to return. Why couldn't he just leave the past behind and let it be… 

Lost in thought he didn't even notice that someone was standing next to him again, pressing a kiss on his cheek. “Open your eyes.” 

“Huh -”

Little Ken had taken his seat again, smiling at his uncle who was confused until he spotted the strawberry cake in the middle of the table. “So that’s the big surprise, huh?” Well, it wasn’t a bad surprise. 

“I know you love sweets, so I asked Ursa Minor how he’d like to surprise you with a cake, he chose it by the way.” Uta placed a swift and gentle kiss on his husband’s cheek and sat down next to him. 

“Thank you, both of you.” Not just for this dessert… but when he tried to say what he actually want to say the words got stuck in his throat like there were too sticky to come out. “I’ll cut it.” 

Baby Ken got the smallest piece, Uta’s was regular sized while he considered Take’s to be at least 2/4 of the cake, he didn’t blame him though, his job wasn’t going easy on his body so he needed all the nutrition he could get. 

Uta watched them eat in peace, they both seemed to enjoy the cake, maybe little Ken was just copying his uncle’s gestures either way it was heartwarming to seem them so happy. 

Compared to the first time they met, Take seemed to be completely different person, especially around his nephew. Back then neither of them had ever thought that they’d end up being married and taking care of a small child somewhen in the future. Actually they didn’t really intent on seeing each other ever again after their first encounter… So much had changed since then. 

“Kitty?” 

“Hm?” It was a little hard to respond with a full mouth. 

“Can we draw something after you finish your cake?” Little Ken was already so excited that he started bouncing again, maybe he ate a little too much sugar… 

Uta gave Take a questioning look but he only nodded lightly, he’d take care of everything else and he could take care of Ken. “Yeah sure.” 

“Really?!” Now he didn’t even wait for a reply, he just jumped up and ran into his bedroom, then into the living room and prepared everything. 

“Seems like you have to draw on the floor.” Take cracked a smile and his husband laughed tired. 

“It’s been years since I done that… well, I can’t let him down now, can I?” 

No, he couldn’t, but he also wouldn’t. The moment he realised that Uta was actually someone who always stood true to himself and his word, was the first time he actually admitted to himself that he had feelings for him. 

Was he cold…? Uta had confesses his love months before Take could even think of him in that way, when he was completely honest he was just scared. Later his husband told him that he wouldn’t have said anything if we hadn’t been sure that he felt the same way, saying that Take’s body language gave it away. 

Thank goodness he was so observant, if he hadn’t been… no he shouldn't think about it now. Instead he watched them lie on the floor, eagerly discussing their newest artworks. 

“Do you think bears are friends with forest spirits?” Ken was busily playing with his pen, just like kitty did when he was lost in thought. 

“I do believe that they are very good friends.” He laughed and focused on his sketch again. Ken would surely love it once it was done, it was a portrait of him after all. 

“If you say so then it must be true.” But just to make sure that everyone knew that he agreed Ken started nodding for himself and then focused on his drawing again. “Do you think sensei will like it?” 

“I'm sure he will. You're putting a lot of effort into it after all.” It was quite ambitious to draw a whole group of children in a fantasy setting but it was cute that he tried. 

“Maybe sensei will visit me more often when I draw a lot for him, he used to come here all the time… Well when papa was sick… But it was nice! Sensei is nice.” 

Uta cracked a smile and stretched his arm out to pat his nephew. “I'm sure he'll show up around here more often soon.” Before he could explain what he meant a loud cough coming from the kitchen interrupted him. 

What did kitty mean? Anyway, now was time to draw. 

When would his husband finally learn to shut his mouth… He always talked when he shouldn't and he always said things he shouldn't say, some things would surely never change but that was okay. 

After Take was done with cleaning the kitchen he slumped down on the sofa, shortly afterwards Mochi, Ken and Uta joined him. Mochi rested his head on his papa’s leg, Ken was curled up in Take’s lap half asleep and Uta used his husband’s shoulder as pillow. It was oddly calming to be surrounded by them. The tv was running but neither of them paid attention to it, only Kumo looked down from her throne on top of the bookshelf when the TV was a little too loud. 

A faint memory of days like this that he spend with his grandparents made Take smile as Ken nuzzled him lightly, finally falling asleep. Did his grandpa also think of the days that passed so quickly when they didn't need to worry about anything at all? The old man was so talkative and lively, while his grandson was quiet and timid. He was much like his mother, he only looked like his father, except for the beard. 

Ken woke up as his uncle started laughing and he looked up a little confused. “... Uncle Take… is everything okay…?” 

“Yes, I just remembered that my father had a full beard and he used to tickle me with it when he hugged me.” It was still hard to talk about him, even after all these years, but not because of agony, but because of all the love he felt for him and his mother. “I'd always run away and then come back after he did it.” 

“Papa’s beard tickles too.” Oh no. 

“Oh hey stop crying, your papa will come home soon.” No one would blame Ken for being so attached to him, it wasn't a big surprise when they were honest. They'd give the little boy enough time to learn to stand on his own two feet.

“Maybe he'll come back if you say his name often enough.” Uta muttered under his breath but to his surprise he heard the door unlock. 

“PAPA!” There was no holding back now, Ken wriggled out of the embrace of his uncle and ran to the door. 

“Hey there.” Renji's hair was a little messed up and his shirt didn’t look as neat as it did when he left the house, even though it was freezing outside he carried his jacket instead of wearing it, but he was beaming, even before he spotted his son. 

Ken ran up to his papa and started crying again, not even a hug could calm him down now. 

“I missed you too.” He gave his son a kiss and carried him back into the living room. “Did he behave?” 

Take nodded and pointed at Uta. “Only he hasn't.” 

“Now that's not a big surprise.” 

All they got as a reaction was a lazy. “I can hear you…” 

They started laughing and the sound made little Yomo forget why he was crying in first place, instead he grabbed his papa’s cheeks and pinched them. “You're red.” 

“You're not.” He pinched his son’s nose and put him down as Ken started wriggling again. “Go and brush your teeth, it's bed time for you ursa minor.” 

The little boy dashed off once more and was followed by an excited puppy. 

“You look…” Uta wiggled his eyebrows as he took a closer look at his best friend, but not even that comment could wipe the grin off his face. 

“Yeah we had fun and that's all YOU have to know.” 

Take blinked and shrugged. “Well but you'll tell me all the details, won't you?”

“Yeah, when we're back to work on Monday.”

“... I was always honest and loyal to you and that's how you repay me.” 

It was hard for any of them to keep a straight face now and they started laughing when they looked at Take who was at least trying to play it cool. 

“No really it was nice, it wasn't what I expected of a date but it wasn't bad either. We just went out to eat and then he insisted that we should go to a karaoke bar.” Renji nervously scratched his neck. “He's a good singer… I didn't expect that but he said the same applies to me.” 

“And did he ask for a second date?” 

All he could do was nod as his gradually turned redder and redder. “B-But now it's just a-a lunch date nothing fancy, I mean we're both busy and -” 

How flustered he got as he waved his arms around and tried to cover his face. Take never experienced love like that for him it wasn't butterflies in his stomach and his heart beating too fast, it was slower, it was something he was scared of. 

“We said we'll take it slow…” Renji sighed and tried to cool down. “But it's so nice to be around him… Knowing that… It could be more than I hoped for.” 

“Well you never know, but you'd made a cute couple.” 

“I think you killed him, Uta.” Did people think the same of them? They weren't really the poster model of a typical couple, they were complete opposites. In the end people’s opinions didn’t matter but still, he was curious. 

Only little Ken's excited screams as he ran back to his papa made them change the topic. Renji lifted the boy up and gave him a kiss. “Do you want to say goodnight to them?” 

“Yes! … no… Can uncle Take read my bedtime story today?” 

Two pairs of grey eyes were focused on him and he only nodded. “Your wish is my command.” He bowed lightly as little Ken walked over to him after his father put him down. 

It was funny when he said that whatever it meant. They walked into Ken's bedroom, after a while Uta and Renji followed them. 

“How about the tale of the salt princess?”

The other two tried to hold back their laughter as Take glared at them. 

“Yes!” There was nothing wrong to it in Ken's eyes, he just held his teddy close and waited for his uncle to start reading the story. 

Take’s voice was soothing and the little bear fell asleep halfway through the fairy tale, he couldn’t even wish everyone a good night, but that was okay. It was such a long and busy day for the little bear, he needed his rest now. They quietly left the room and carefully shut the door behind them. 

“I think we should go home now too… it was a long day.” 

“Yeah… thank you for taking care of him.” 

A genuine smile formed on Take’s lips. “No, it’s okay really, no need to thank me.” 

Mochi who had occupied the sofa again looked up and sighed, was it really time to go? He trotted over to the door and looked at his owners. 

“Yes, we’re coming now.” 

They bid their farewells and Renji watched them leave, though it was too cold to do so and he snuck inside as soon as they were sitting in the car. Mochi was already asleep on the backseat, while Uta tried to get comfortable enough to take a short nap too, but the look on Take’s face made him stay awake. “... is everything okay…?” 

He only shook his head lightly, it was a little hard to speak when he cried. 

“Oh… Take-kun…” Now he sat up and wrapped his arms around his husband. “It’s okay…” He felt how Take’s arms slung around his body, squeezing him so tight it hurt, but it didn’t matter. 

Didn’t he just want to thank Uta? For always being there, not giving up on him so easily and all he could do was cry. He wasn’t able to form just one proper sentence, when all he needed were 4 little words, 4 words that held so much meaning. 

“I love you…” His voice was cracking but he pulled himself together. “... I love you very much… and I hope you know that… I’m very proud of you and if you need time to find the right words, take all the time you need… the moment I married you, I agreed on spending my life by your side, so take your time.” 

Take nodded lightly, he could have sworn it was snowing again. After all these years that he felt so disconnected even from the people he loved everything seemed to fit together now, he was surrounded by people who really cared for him and nothing would change it. 

Maybe nothing in his life was perfect… but it was more than enough for him.


	7. Ken and the orphanage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is rather short... because it's the interlude to another chapter. Thank you for your patience and please support me till the end of the series ;;;

“Do we have everything?” Ken skeptically stared in the trunk of his father's car. “Are you really sure?” 

“I am very sure that we have everything.” Renji laughed and patted Ken's head. “No need to worry, I know you're excited to see everyone again, but trust me when I say that we really have everything we need.” 

“Well if you say so...” Lately papa had been a little odd, he always checked his phone and smiled at it when a certain ringtone played. He had never used that one before… was his papa okay? 

The piercing looks of a sceptical 4 year old didn't go unnoticed and Renji looked at his son a little puzzled. “... yes?” 

“I love you.” No need to worry about papa, he was a big and strong bear after all. “Let’s go already!” He really didn’t mean to be rude or anything, but there was no way he could wait any longer. 

“Okay, okay.” Renji laughed and picked the very impatient 4 year old up and placed him in his car seat then fastened his seatbelt, he didn’t really expect the kiss he got leaning over to make sure everything was in the right place, but he surely appreciated it. “I love you too.” 

But now it was really time to go, he carefully shut the door trying to avoid startling little Ken who was already focused on his new fairytale book with the pretty pictures. Thank goodness it was quiet enough not to attract the child’s attention.

Renji slipped into the car and started the engine, it was still early so they’d arrive around noon. Driving to the orphanage wasn’t very pleasant in the beginning, but after a while he got used to it, it got better. It wasn’t just the routine, maybe he was just happy to see how Ken’s situation slowly improved but then it stopped, the process stood still until he took action. 

After a little while he turned around to check on his son, Ken had fallen asleep after a few minutes into the car ride while still holding his book. How would everyone react seeing Ken now? He had grown so much, gained a lot of weight and looked much healthier over all. 

Now that he thought about it, Renji felt a little nervous, they wouldn’t criticise him he was sure of that but he had to face the people who had taken care of Ken before him, the people who even made this possible… He felt his mouth run dry as he realised that he could never repay them.

How ignorant he had been growing up in a good family, his parents loved him so did his siblings, he could never imagine what it was like to live through the things Ken and the other children at the orphanage had to endure. Only after the first year of training as a policeman and then when started working, he realised that not every person was as fortunate as he was. 

The fact that he now took in one of these kids and tried to give him the chance to lead a peaceful and happier life might just be a drop in the ocean, but for Ken it was so much more than that. 

In moments like this, when it felt like everything was collapsing all of the sudden, all Renji wanted to do was to call his older brother on the phone, even though he always acted like it was annoying how he teased him by calling him ‘little sunshine’ it gave him a feeling of reassurance. He was loved by his family regardless of all the mistakes he made in the past and hopefully his son would be able to think the same way when he was all grown up. 

Soon so many things would change for both of them if he’d be brave enough to take the first step into an yet undefined future and he was still nervous, everything he did now wouldn’t just change his life but also influence Ken’s. He had to think of son first… “I really shouldn’t meet trouble halfway.” In the end everything would be okay, he was sure of it. 

Ken shifted in his seat, opened his eyes for a second and fell back asleep again. It wasn’t like he didn’t get enough sleep last night, but car rides always made him sleepy, he could never sleep when he was still living with his mother, those 2 years and 11 months did more harm than good, but now he was safe, everything was okay now that he was with his bear. 

Halfway through the car ride Renji took his only chance to park the car and take a break, Ken was still sleeping and he wouldn’t wake him up now. He just needed a short moment to recollect and then he could continue driving. 

Before he started the engine again, he took a quick look at his phone. 

‘I hope there isn’t too much traffic today. Stay safe, both of you. Can’t wait to see you again. xoxo’ 

God, why couldn’t he stop smiling, he had to calm down they since they were almost there. How should he explain this kind of smile on his face? “Oh … God…” Take was right, he made the right decision going on that date, whatever made him ask him out, whoever gave him the motivation, Renji wanted to thank the person. 

Now he needed to focus on the road again and it did help him calm down, even though his heart was still beating faster than usual. 

After 10 more minutes Ken yawned and stretched, that was enough sleep for now. “Are we there yet…?” 

“Almost.”

Ken squeaked happily and started bouncing lightly as he stared out of the window. “I can’t wait to see everyone again. Do they know we come over?” 

“No, it’s a surprise.” Renji couldn’t help but grin, it would be a huge surprise. 

He wasn’t mistaken after all, as soon as he pulled into the driveway of the orphanage the door swung open and Yonebayashi-san stepped outside. Her face was glowing, tears were streaming down her face and Ken started crying too as soon as he spotted her. 

Why couldn’t his papa just hurry up and and unbuckle his seatbelt already? As soon it was done Ken slipped out of the car and ran towards his ex-caretaker. The woman kneeled down and opened her arms for Ken, she would have stumbled backwards if it weren’t for Urie-san’s support. 

“Ah my little Ken-Ken you’re back.” She sobbed while hugging the little boy. 

Little Yomo was crying so hard he couldn’t even reply, he just held her as tightly as he could, letting her know that he was also happy to see her. 

“Do you need help?” Shirazu-san grinned as he saw Renji struggling with the amount of presents he tried to carry all at once. 

They had bought books and toys for the children in the orphanage when they had visited a toy store the week before. “Yes, please.” Now he was a little embarrassed, did he went overboard? 

“The kids will love you forever…” He put down the box he picked up and turned to Renji. “Honestly, you’re such a blessing for everyone here. Thank you so much.” 

Maybe even a little drop in the ocean could create big waves. “... I’m glad that I can help.” 

It seemed like Ken and Yonebayashi-san had meanwhile calmed down as she was now carrying the little boy around. For some reason it almost felt like nothing had changed, but so much had changed, Ken seemed so much happier and more content than ever before. 

“Where is Tooru-san?” 

“Oh he’s taking care of some paperwork, one of our kids is going to be adopted soon.” Urie-san held the door open for the other four. “We really didn’t expect you to come here today but it’s a very pleasant surprise.” 

The voices echoing through the entrance hall attracted the kids' attention. Some faces were familiar, one or two weren’t. Ken was a little lost. “... where is Suzuya…?” 

“He’s been adopted shortly after you.” Yonebayashi-san turned to Renji. “How comes you don’t know it yet?” 

“H-Huh, me?” Now that was a confusing statement. 

“Your boss came here and said he wanted to adopt a child too, he told us that it’s heartwarming to hear you and your partner talk about Ken all the time. He and Suzuya got along very well from the start, so… one thing led to the other.” 

“... Shinohara-san adopted a child…? He didn’t tell us anything about it, but I’m happy for both of them.” So little Suzuya was now growing up in a good home with 3 sisters, that would be surely be a lot of work for Shinohara-san and his wife. 

Even though Ken would have been glad to see him again, he was happy that his friend had found an own family now. After a while he wriggled his way out of Yonebayashi-san’s embrace and ran over to his father. He pulled on his jeans and looked up. “Can we give everyone their presents now?” 

The kids had already been sideeyeing the overflowing boxes for a while now, but they were too shy to speak up so they just stared at the stranger and hoped that he’d take action. 

Renji smiled and patted his son’s head. “Yes, but before we do… the books are for the orphanage to keep but the plushies are yours, everyone can pick one.” 

The kids couldn’t even believe what just happened, they started running towards Ken and his papa and instead of grabbing the toys and running off with them, they hugged them tightly and then patiently waited for them to hand the presents out. Neither of them cared for the books though, they just wanted their very own plushie first. 

Only one child stood behind, watching them from afar. It was a little boy with black hair that turned white towards the ends. He seemed to be shy, but he smiled at Renji as soon as they made eye contact. 

Without giving it a second thought Renji grabbed into the box and pulled out the last, but very large, stuffed version of a sheep. Tiny hands grabbed it, large grey eyes sparkled. “Can I really keep it?” 

“Yes, it’s yours.” He smiled warmly and watched the boy run off, screaming in delight, joining his friends that were carefully inspecting and hugging their new companions. 

Meanwhile Ken talked to Shirazu-san, they were sitting in their favourite spot, the little boy curled up in the man’s lap, busy explaining very important things to him, like how and why bears put the moon in the sky. Everyone seemed to be so happy, this place was so warm… unlike the first time he came here, but he’d rather forget that now.

Renji walked to the chairs they had put out for visitors. It had been 2 years now, 2 years since he first came here, so much had changed while it stayed the same. Since more and more people came here to visit the orphanage and supported it financially, important renovations could finally take place and it the house looked kinder and more welcoming now. 

His phone buzzed lightly and he pulled it out of his pocket, did he really become a little oversensitive to it? He felt like a teenager again and now he was more than just grateful for everyone paying attention to anything but him. 

‘Did you arrive safely? I hope the kids liked the surprise. Miss you.’ 

‘Yeah everything went down smoothly. Uhm, it have only been hours since we last seen each other.’ 

‘...’ 

‘I miss you too’ 

‘Good.’ 

“Mind if…?” 

Renji nearly dropped his phone before he made eye contact with a young man who was gesturing at the empty seat next to him. “No, not at all.” 

“Thank you.” He had chin long black hair and his bangs almost touched the frame of his glasses, he had a gentle smile and turned to Renji immediately after taking his seat. “So, are you also here to meet one of the children… or?” 

“Oh, no I’m already father of one. I adopted him a few weeks ago.” As they turned in the direction of little Ken he waved at them. 

“You’re lucky…” The young man smiled and pushed his hair back, he wore a thin golden ring so young and already married? “We’re still going through the process of adoption.” 

“We?” 

A faint blush coloured his pale cheeks in a light rose tone. “... my husband and I. He’s not here today, he’s in the hospital right now…” He sighed lightly. “I told him to be more careful when he drives his motorcycle but he won’t listen to me.” As soon as he noticed the horrified facial expression on Renji’s face he smiled. “No no, it’s not that bad.” 

“Oh thank goodness… so you’ll be parents soon?” 

“Yes, I’m already excited, my husband is a little calmer, which surprises me, he used to be the wild one.” The young man smiled and seemed to be lost in memories as he gently played with his wedding ring. “We never really thought of adopting a child, but my sister said we’d make great parents… well she didn’t say it so nicely, but…” He laughed and after a while he sighed. “She calls me Mr. Mum all the time and said I should finally get a small child I can take care of so I leave her alone.” 

Did he feel the same way back then…? He was nervous, but excited? … not really. All he could think about was that he had to do everything he could to make Ken happy. “Oh, she’s younger than you? My older siblings still treat me like a baby… And used to be? How long have you know each other? A-Ah I’m sorry if this sounds like I’m interrogating you… old habits die hard.” 

The other man smiled and nodded. “Yes, she is a few years younger than me, I mean… I can’t help it she’s my little sister and she’ll always be. No it’s okay, really. We’ve known each other since High School, we’ve been dating since then…” His fingers gently brushed over his wedding ring. “We married 2 years ago, enough about me though. You’re a policeman?” 

“Detective for the Tokyoter police.” 

“That’s amazing. I’m a teacher, my husband also works for the police, but we live in a different prefecture.” Still he came all the way here to adopt a child. “We’ve been visiting orphanages all over the country, until we found the child we want to adopt. Well he found us. He just walked up to his and smiled then he grabbed our hands, it was like he was greeting us after not having seen each other for quite a while.” 

If only it had been so easy to adopt Ken, but when Renji was honest, he was glad that they found each other. One way or the other… “Who’s the lucky one?” 

Before the young man could answer the little boy with the black and white hair approached Renji, still holding the sheep tightly in his small arms. “I didn’t say thank you earlier. So thank you.” He bowed deeply before he smiled at him. 

“You’re welcome. I’m glad that you like it.” 

The little boy nodded eagerly and held it up, but not in Renji’s direction. “Papa look!” 

“That’s a nice new friend you made there, Haise.” He gently patted the boy's head, it was still a little odd to be called papa, but it gave him such a good feeling. 

Little Haise laughed and ran off again, he had to play with his new friend, his papa was busy anyway. 

“I’m still a little worried… he’s our first child and most probably the only child we’ll ever have, his caretaker said that he’ll need intense care and therapy, which we can provide, but my husband and I agreed that it would be the best for Haise if he grows up without siblings.” 

Renji nodded, he knew that kind of thoughts too well. “Yeah… I had to make the same decision when it came to Ken, so far it seems like I made the right choice, I mean he gets along well with the kids at his daycare, but when he gets back home he’s always really exhausted and prefers to be around his family and not around other kids.” 

Ken looked at his father who was still talking to the odd man who walked out of the office that only the adults had access too. “Who is that man?” He seemed to be nice, he smiled at the little boy’s father a lot, still Ken couldn’t help but wonder. 

“He’ll adopt one of the kids here.” Shirazu-san said. “Soon our little Haise will have a new home.” A little boy with black and white hair waved at them as soon as he heard his name. 

“Oh… he’s lucky then isn’t he? Just like I was when papa finally came to take me home.” It wasn’t that long ago, was it? Ken still couldn’t help but smile as he remembered how excited he was. “I have 3 aunts and 4 uncles now!” 

“That’s a lot!” 

“Yes! But…” There was still something missing. “I want another papa.” 

“Is your papa not enough?” 

Ken shook his head eagerly, Shirazu-san got that wrong. “No, papa is great! I just don’t want him to be alone when I’m not around, who’s gonna protect papa then?” 

Before he got a proper answer he heard a familiar voice calling out to him. “Ken!” 

He immediately jumped up and ran over to Tooru-san, he waited long enough to see him again. They both laughed as Ken bumped into him and gave him a tight hug. 

“You've grown so much Ken.” The young man carefully lifted them him up and smiled at him. “That's great!” And he got much heavier, which was also great, Ken’s cheeks were glowing and his eyes sparkled, it was almost hard to believe that this little boy was really their Ken.

“I missed you.” Even though his doctor said that it was good that he wasn’t living with them anymore and Ken really did not want to go back and live here, it was nice to see everyone again. 

“But I’m sure it’s nicer to be with your papa, isn’t it?” Mutsuki couldn’t resists and pinched little Yomo’s chubby cheek, resulting in him starting to giggle and hugging him the a little tighter. 

“Yes, yes! I love papa very much!” 

“Yeah and this is my boyfriend.” Renji still felt a little awkward calling him that itjust have been a few dates but he was already over the moon and couldn’t really see himself with anyone else.

“Oh, he’s younger than you isn’t he? And so short… You have good taste though, he looks like… that singer, you know the… I’m not really into music, I think my sister would know his name.” Kishou-san smiled and pulled his phone out. “This is my family, my sister Rize, my husband and my parents. Except for Taishi and me nobody has met little Haise yet, they’re all looking forward to it.” 

“Ah… yeah, he does, he actually gets told that a lot, he said it’s flattering. My parents haven’t met Ken yet… accept for them and my sister in law he met everyone. I’m sure your family will love Haise, especially your sister, I mean she’s the reason why you’re taking him home.” He seemed to be such a gentle little boy, every time he looked over at Renji he smiled and waved at him. 

“I’ll be honest… I never thought that I’d ever become a father but now I’m more than happy that we decided to take this step, it’s also a great opportunity for him.” Whatever the future would bring for them, he’d make sure that Haise would be happy. 

“... yeah…” Maybe the drop in the ocean was a rainstorm, one that touched more than just the surface. Renji looked over to Ken who was laughing and giggling as he talked to his former caretaker. He used to be so different… and just a little love and care made such a huge difference. 

“Will you stay for lunch, Ken-Ken?” Yonebayashi-san was already getting ready to prepare the meal. 

The little boy shook his head and hugged Tooru-san before asking to be put down. “My friend is coming over, papa and I have to go back home!” But he didn’t want to make Yonebayashi-san sad. “But I’ll come back! Promise!” 

Urie-san laughed and gently patted Ken’s head. “You have a life outside of the orphanage Ken, you can always came back if you want to, but you don’t have to.” 

Those words were playing on repeat in his head, even when they had bid their farewells and were on their way back home. A life outside of the orphanage, Ken would have never imagined it to become reality, he never dared to think about things like that. Until his papa came back… he wasn’t scared of him, why did he feel so comfortable around him? 

“Papa…” 

“Hm?” 

“... I didn’t meet you at the orphanage for the first time did I?” 

Renji pulled off the highway and stopped the engine. “... no, you didn’t....”


	8. Null

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She didn’t respond to anything, she didn’t flinch when the first bullet hit as she tried to stab her husband again… two times… three times… four times… It took four bullets to take a life. Take later learned that it took 12 stabs with a knife to take another. He slowly sunk to the ground as his colleagues entered the flat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this took so long... University and other projects kept me busy... but here's the chapter about the first time that Renji and Ken met. TW for death mention, domestic violence and abuse.

Renji sighed and yawned, just a few more hours and he could go home. “Can't wait to see love of my life again…” It was the only thing that kept him going these days, when he was honest. His job was boring, his love life non existent and he convinced himself only to show up here to make sure he got his paycheck. 

“Your bed?” Take sounded rather unimpressed and kept on sorting his last case files. In the past months it had gotten a little stressful to be around Renji, even though he was his friend and colleague. There was always this ‘I don’t want to be here’ aura in everything that Renji did, it didn’t make their life nor their work easier. 

“Damn right.” He placed his head on his hands and stared at his partner. “... not everyone marries at your age, Take.” It was little sad how he chose this life over all the fun they had, but each to their own. Renji thought of marriage as something he’d never get involved in personally, he just wasn’t the type for it. 

“I know but I love him and I am very sure that Uta and I made the right decision.” There was no trace of doubt in his voice as he leaned over and pinched Renji's cheek. “I don't ask you to understand me, just respect my decision.” 

“Oh don't worry I do.” Not at all when he was honest, his sister also got married at very young age but Renji still blamed the pregnancy on it. He didn't understand how a parent's mind worked, even though he loved his niece and nephew more than anything else, he sometimes wondered if it wasn’t too much of a burden for her. 

“Yomo, Hirako. Stop flirting, your unit is needed.” Their boss sounded so cold and sober, he usually wasn't like that. “A worried elderly old man called, seems like his next door neighbours had a fight that escalated.” 

“Boss I don't think that that is our-” They weren't in charge of any case that involved domestic violence but the look on his boss’ face was enough to cut him off mid sentence. 

“I do believe that the possibility of someone dying tonight should be enough to convince you that this is a case for you.” 

“Yes sir.” Renji stood up and got ready, Take grabbed his keys and took the case file before he left the building. There was no need to discuss this matter any further, so Renji followed him quickly. 

Shinohara-san sighed as he watched them leave. Yomo wasn't a bad detective, no not at all, but he just didn't take this too seriously which made it hard for others to work with him. He was glad that at least Take was willing to do it, but it seemed like even his patience was wearing thin in the past weeks. 

They didn’t speak until they reached the car, Renji drove it as usual, they exchanged worried looks and then got in. 

“But… I mean you just don’t… kill someone in a fight… right?” Maybe he was just saying this because he came from a good family. 3 children, their parents loved each other and were still married, his mother was a housewife and his father worked in a large company in the city. They lived a quiet life on the countryside, his parents were still there… he and his siblings not. 

Take studied the case files and typed the address in their navigation system. “Yeah… But… It doesn't seem like this wasn't something that could have been prevented.” It was hard to focus on the files and anything else. Why couldn’t his partner just take things seriously for once…? 

“What do you mean?” Renji turned the siren on and pulled out of the parking lot. “Have there been reports about this family before?” 

“Several… Complaints and the husband seemed to have have tried to contact 110 a few times, but…” The file landed on the backseat of the car and Take groaned. “They ignored him.” 

“...” 

“Renji…?” The worst thing weren’t his stupid remarks but his silence, when he didn’t say a word, things usually weren’t going well. He was … difficult to work with… that’s what people said about him, but he really tried his best. “... we can’t change it now…” 

What was going on in his mind right now? Did he imagine what they would see as soon as they would reach their destination? Take would never know and maybe it was better. He stared out of the window, the city lights were blinding, even in the night, but the closer they got to their destination, the uglier the scenery got. 

Renji stopped the car right in front of a small building complex, it was dirty, nobody seemed to bother about renovations or hygiene. What in the world should they expect from the tragedy that was unfolding behind closed doors…?

“... I think… we need backup.” Something told him not to walk into this flat, something in the pit of his stomach told him to run, but he had to ignore it. It was too late now. What kind of policeman would he even be if he was too scared to take action now? He pulled out his gun and looked at Take, was he equally as nervous as him…? It was hard to tell… after all this time he still couldn’t read him, but that wasn’t something he should think about now. 

“I’ll contact them.”

Before he could even dare to announce their presence another scream from inside the flat made him kick down the door instantly. This house was old, the doors were made of cheap wood that broke as soon as Renji’s boot crashed into it. 

His heart stopped beating the moment he stared into her eyes, they were cold and grey, dull. She held a knife in her hand, her husband barely breathed, looked up at the policemen.

“P-Please... my son… in the bedroom…” He weakly pointed at the room to Renji's right, he knew he wouldn't make it through the night, but he had to hold on until he knew that at least his son would. 

“SHUT UP!” The woman screamed as she lifted her arms up once more, holding onto the knife with more force now. “FIRST YOU AND THAN THE UNGRATEFUL SPAWN YOU PLANTED IN MY WOMB! I HAVE ENOUGH!” 

“Take… do you think you can handle this… I'll -” Nobody moved, the woman didn’t know who to focus on, her husband or the policemen. Renji wasn’t sure whether or not Take was able to handle the situation and so was Take himself. 

“Please… I beg you…” The man started crying again, not because he was in pain, he didn’t care about it so it seemed. Did … people really feel it when they were about to die? Did he really already give up hope? 

“... stay here Take…” Renji had no other choice, this wasn’t a situation they could just walk out off and he had to make sure that child would make it out alive. So he opened the door and looked around. There was nobody in the room… all of the sudden, below a pile of dirty laundry something moved, a little boy stuck his head out, crying. 

What in the world… the child was thin, thinner than it should be, his eyes were bloodshot and he was shivering. The policeman kneeled down and opened his arms. “Come here… I’m not going to hurt you… you’ll make sure you’re safe.” 

The boy didn’t move, he only stared at Renji but as he heard his mother scream again, he started crying harder and ran towards the man. 

God he was so cold… Renji carefully wrapped his jacket around the boy before he lifted him up. How old was he…? He was so small, weak… he tried to hold onto the policeman’s shirt but he was barely able to do so. “It’s okay…” 

All he could do now was shut the door and hope for the best, Renji placed one hand on the boys head and pressed it against his chest. The noise was increasing and he knew that this wouldn’t end well… so he at least wanted him not to hear what happened outside of this room. 

Everything felt so distant and unreal, the only song he remembered was this Korean nursery rhyme about a family of bears. His mother always sung it to him when he was still a child and now he sung it to calm this poor bundle of human down. 

“I said, put the weapon down -” Take felt cold sweat run down his forehead, he didn’t want to harm anyone, but this situation was difficult and this woman an immediate threat to all of them. What should he do? There was no way that he could ask someone, he knew that their colleagues were on their way but … still. 

She didn’t respond to anything, she didn’t flinch when the first bullet hit as she tried to stab her husband again… two times… three times… four times… It took four bullets to take a life. Take later learned that it took 12 stabs with a knife to take another. He slowly sunk to the ground as his colleagues entered the flat. 

“Yomo? You can come out now.” 

The bedroom door slowly opened, Renji walked out, still singing, pressing the small body of the child against his own, not facing any of his colleagues as he walked out into the cold night. Suddenly the child in his arms shifted, looked up at him, he smiled. It felt like his heart shattered into millions of pieces. “Hey…” 

The family left the scene in 3 different vehicles. Renji was in one of them, little Ken didn’t want him to leave his side, Take was in need of medical care himself so they split up and drove to two different hospitals. It felt unreal to watch the nurses take the little boy away from him, he couldn’t stop them, could he? But Ken stretched his arms out, called out for him. 

“Bear, BEAR!” 

Whatever it was, that he felt in that very moment, Renji couldn’t shake it off. Hours later he still found himself at the hospital. He watched doctors and nurses pass by, it wasn’t that he needed Ken’s testimony yet… he just wanted to make sure he’s okay. 

“Yomo-san?” 

“Y-Yes?” Renji stood up and almost dropped the coffee cup he had been holding for hours now. 

“Ken wants to see you…” The nurse was friendly, but there was still something in her voice that was oddly concerning. 

“Is he okay?” 

“Yes, don’t worry.” Maybe it was just the stress she had, after all neither of them worked the easiest jobs. 

The policemen followed her quietly. It had been hours since he last saw Ken. Now the little boy was sitting in a large hospital bed, various monitors helped the staff to keep track of his vital signs. He played with a stuffed animal that one of the doctors had given him. When he heard the footsteps approach he started crying again. “Bear!” 

Renji set down on the edge of the bed and gently patted the little boy’s head. “There there… don’t cry I’m here…” But he could barely hold back the tears himself. The situation was… overwhelming. For both of them. “It’ll be okay…” Still, he couldn’t help but wonder if Ken would make it through the night. 

“Yomo… go home already…” His colleague gave him a worried look, he was still sitting besides the little boys hospital bed watching him sleep peacefully. 

“... I can’t just leave him…” What was this feeling…? When he looked at him, he couldn’t help but wonder what would happen next, who would take care of him? “... at least not without saying goodbye…” But it wasn’t his job, not anymore, all that he had to was to make sure that Ken was safe and he was it now. 

It took a few more hours until Ken finally woke up. “Bear…?” 

“I’m here… but…” He sighed as he felt his best friend’s eyes resting on him. Uta didn’t look well either, he only came here to drive him home, then he’d check on Take again. “... I have to go now… there will be people coming here later, they’ll take care of you from now on.” 

“But… I want to stay with you.” 

“... we can’t do that now… you have to promise me you’ll be good…” 

Large tears started rolling down the little boy’s cheeks. “But will we meet again?” 

“... we will… I promise…”


	9. Ken and the sleepover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that this update took me so long... the semester was incredibly stressful. Thank you all for your support so and maybe leave a comment to let me know how you liked the story so far!! 

“... I wasn't allowed to talk to you until the investigation was over, but I stood in touch with the Yonebayashi-san the whole time.” Renji lowered his head and sighed, he couldn't look at Ken now, he didn't want this see the look in his eyes. “I'm sorry that I…” 

“Papa.” 

Now he had no choice but to look at him, he knew he would have understood it when Ken would be angry, he was only 4 years old, barely 5… he shouldn't know of things like this. 

“I love you.” A warm smile formed on his lips. “From now on we’ll always be together.” Little Ken giggled as he felt his father's hand brush over his chubby cheek. 

“I love you too.” It was a little embarrassing how a child could handle this situation better than him, but what should he do? It was overwhelming to think about that night again. He couldn't talk about it, Take never talked about it again, his therapist had moved on to other issues long ago. “So… should we pick up Amon-kun now?” 

“Yes!” Even though his father's words lingered in his mind, Ken wanted to look forward to spending the rest of the day with his best friend. “I'm sure he's waiting already.” 

Renji wiped over his eyes and laughed. “Don't worry we'll get there in time.” At least now he was calm enough to drive again, what kind of address did he even…? He never been in that part of Tokyo before, but he was positive that he’d find it. An orphanage, different from the one that Ken used to live in, it was one run by a Russian priest who came to Japan ages ago. Years before Renji was even born. 

Growing up he never thought about things like that much, that some children didn’t even have parents, he first came in contact with the concept of adoption when he was already in High School. One of his classmates told them about being the adoptive child of his parents, he didn’t really understand what he was talking about until he graduated. 

For Ken as well as Amon it must have been something they’re more than just familiar with. It must be part of their reality, something that’s natural to them. 

What was his papa thinking about? He looked so worried. Ken wouldn’t ask, sometimes papa was just like this, maybe it was something that just came with growing up. He looked out of the window and watched the scenery change in front of his eyes. So much had changed since he was living with his papa, more things would change soon, it wasn’t something he was sure about… it was just a feeling he had when he looked at his papa, but no matter what would come, it would only be good things, he was sure of that. 

“AMON!” Ken had enough of sitting still when they finally reached his friends home. This day had been long and stressful enough, now it was time to play and forget about all the things that shouldn't bother him. 

The older boy came running towards Ken and met him halfway as they crashed into each other and hugged. Amon’s father followed the boy, carrying a small backpack for him. 

“Kotarou-kun, be good and have fun. I'll pick you up tomorrow.” He gently patted his son’s head before he turned to Renji. “So we finally meet in person, Kotarou has told me a lot about you, Yomo-san.” 

“It’s nice to meet you.” Renji bowed deeply and Ken did the same, which only resulted in bell bright laughter from his friend and his father. He gently patted Ken's head before he started laughing himself. “He always copies what I do.” 

Instead of arguing with his father Ken only nodded before taking Amon’s hand. “Let’s go!” Not that he wanted to be rude but it was time to play. Both of them had been planning this evening for a very long time. 2 weeks already. 

“See you tomorrow Papa!” Amon hugged his father before he followed Renji and Ken back to their car, they waved at the priest who watched them leave, accompanied by other children who lived in the orphanage. 

“Are they your siblings?” The little boy recalled his father talking about the orphanage Amon lived in. Parter Donato adopted Amon, the other kids were waiting to be adopted, just like Ken did a few months ago, but this was a… how did they call it? Cat orphanage or something like that. 

“In a way yes… in the same way that you're also my brother!” 

“... but your papa isn't my papa…” That’s not how being siblings worked, didn't anyone tell Amon about it? “Or don't you love your papa anymore? We can share my papa if you want to.” 

It was a little hard to hold back the laughter that was about to escape him, so Renji only coughed and focused on the road again. Ken was still so innocent and naive, but his father was more than just happy about it. He was still a child, so he should get the chance to act like one. 

“No, I love my papa, I mean… we're brothers because we have the same father in heaven. He's watching over us, you know?” 

What was Amon even talking about now? Did he have an imaginary friend or something? “Okay…” That was weird. “You have to say hi to Kumo first!” 

The thought seemed to be a little distressing for the little boy as he nervously shifted in his seat. “O-Okay…” Not that he was scared of cats, but maybe the cat would be scared of him. Everyone always said that he was way too tall for his age, maybe the cat would think he's a giant or something like that. 

“We're almost there.” Renji glanced at the kids and smiled as he saw Ken grabbing his friend’s hand in excitement. It was the first time someone stood at their place for a sleepover, hopefully not the last time. It was a little challenge for Renji since they were both younger children, but he'd manage. 

“First you'll meet Kumo and then we'll play.” Maybe he was making plans a little too fast. “Or do you want to do something else?” Papa always said he had to be considerate of everyone's thoughts and feelings and so it was better to play it safe and ask. 

“No it's fine!” Amon smiled before he squished Ken's cheeks. “Well just do whatever we want to do.” It was way too funny to do this, Ken was so soft. 

The boys got more and more excited the closer they got to Ken's home, Renji could barely drown out the noise they made but it was okay, they were just excited and happy. 

As soon as he parked the car the boys were gone, they didn't wait for Ken's papa to leave the car and carry Amon’s bag upstairs. But since they ran up the stairs to be apartment as fast as they could, they now had to wait in the cold for Ken's dad. 

Little Ken tugged on Amon's sleeve and pulled him to the window that gave full view on the parking lot from his flat. “Kumo is waiting for us.” 

The fluffy cat was sitting on the edge of the sofa, curiously looking outside as soon as she spotted Ken she started meowing and kneading the soft cushion below her paws. 

“Papa!” Why was he so slow today? Ah yes, he carried Amon's bag. Still he was to slow. The boys impatiently jumped up and down until he finally unlocked the door. 

Ken screamed in delight as he took his shoes off and almost fell over as he ran into the flat to greet his cat. Meanwhile Amon was a little more patient or he was just nervous, he slowly took his shoes off and looked around. 

“Amon! Say hi to Kumo!” The little boy tried to carry the cat that almost had his size over to his friend who was seemingly distressed. 

Kumo was a huge pile of white, her blue eyes were fixed on Amon who got even more distressed as they slowly approached him. This wasn't a cat it was really just a cloud, wouldn't she disappear if he touched her? But Ken insisted that he should just pat her and so he slowly reached out to touch the cat. 

“She's purring! See she likes you!” But Ken's little arms got tired and he had to put the cat down. “Now we can go and play.” He took Amon’s hand and showed him around the flat, the last room he showed him was his bedroom so they could start playing right away. 

It was just too much fun to jump around and pretend that they were policemen investigating a mysterious case of a vanished cat. 

“Inspector Yomo! I found another bundle of cat hair!” 

“That's very interesting Mr Amon, but you know what's even more interesting? Snacks.” Ken took off and ran towards the kitchen giggling, he stopped in the doorway and looked at his papa. “Can we have snacks?” 

Renji glanced at the clock and nodded. “Yes, but nothing too big, we’ll have dinner soon.” 

“But Amon is a bear, papa! Bears eat 27 kilogram of fruit, vegetables and meat per day.” All if the sudden the little boy got incredibly distressed, so badly that he started crying. “If Amon won't eat enough he’ll get stomach ache and die -” 

“Oh no - no Ken… don't cry, we'll make sure that Amon gets enough to eat okay? You go and get comfortable on the sofa and I’ll bring you guys a snack and you can watch a movie till dinner’s ready, okay?” 

Even though it was hard to stop the tears from falling right away, Ken nodded and ran back to his friend who was now playing with the cat out of his own free will. “Amon! Do you want to watch a movie? I have a lot! My uncle Kitty always brings me one when he comes here.” 

The little boy nodded and glanced at the vast collection of DVDs his friend owned. “Howl’s moving castle should be fine.” Not soon after they sat down on the sofa Renji joined them for a short while, bringing them enough snacks and juice to get through their journey. Halfway through the movie he left to cook dinner, unnoticed by the kids who were too lost in the magical world of animation while holding hands. 

“Do you think Shuu was also a scarecrow at some point?”

“Huh…?” Amon was more than just a little bewildered by that statement. “Do you mean he was ugly…?”

“No!” Little Ken shook his head in shock. “I would never say that - I mean, the prince was a scarecrow, so was Shuu one too at some point…?” 

“Oh…” His friend started giggling. “Well, I don’t know… if he was then I’m a wizard.” 

“... and I’ll make hats like Sophie!” The idea sounded good to Ken until he remembered one little detail. “YOU DO NOT HAVE A HEART?!” Poor Kumo was woken up by the sudden noise and fled into the kitchen. 

“Shhh, calm down, I have a heart, don’t worry. I’m also not a wizard it’s all good.” Amon squished Ken’s cheeks and looked into his eyes. “I wouldn’t be me without my heart.” 

“True.” That was way too deep. “We have to eat dinner now.” He just didn’t want to think about it anymore, whether or not Amon had a heart. There were just certain things that shouldn’t be questioned and that was one of them. 

“So did you like the movie?” Renji smiled at them but for some reason both of them looked mildly horrified. “I think you should just stick with Ponyo next time, hm?”

Amon didn’t need help to get on his chair, he was incredibly tall for a child his age, meanwhile Ken needed his papa’s assistance. 

But when it came to eating Amon assisted Ken. “I do this a lot at the orphanage… my younger siblings aren’t so good at using tableware yet, so I help them.” When Ken got tired he refused to use a spoon but eating with his hands wasn’t the best idea either, but after a while he felt sorry for Amon, he had to eat too, so he pulled himself together and decided it was time to use his spoon. 

“Do you have many siblings?” Renji couldn’t help but get a little curious, after all it was fairly uncommon that a catholic priest opened an orphanage in Japan. A larger part of the population was either part of shintoism, buddhism or simple atheists, only a minority of people were Christians. 

“Hm… it depends. Sometimes more, sometimes less… I’m the only child that stays! Because I am my papa’s only child.” He loved his siblings, but they were siblings in the sense of being God’s children, when it came to actual parents, his papa would only ever have him. After all Kotarou had fought hard for this place. 

Thinking about it, Kotarou and Ken weren’t that different. Renji didn’t know much about Ken’s friend, except for the bits and pieces that Itou had told him and the things that Ken knew. It was like a huge puzzle and slowly every piece was coming together, unlike little Ken Kotarou came from a loving family that fell victim to a tragic accident and left only the little boy behind. 

Being 3 years old back then he already understood what happened, up to day this day he was still seeing a psychiatrist on regular basis, but it was for the best. Just seeing how happy and carefree he was now was a good sign. 

“Papa!” 

He should stop thinking so much all the time, Ken seemed to be bothered by the lack of attention he got from his father. “Yes? What is it?” 

“We’re done!” Ken proudly held up his empty plate. “I ate up, see!” 

Renji smiled and gently patted his son’s head. “Good, did you like it, Amon?” 

The boy nodded shyly. “Yes, it was very good…” It was odd, Ken’s papa wasn’t a bad cook, but still something was missing. His papa could make the best meals, Kotarou was certain about that. 

“Then how would you like strawberry shortcake?” 

They could scream pretty loud for two little boys, but Renji only laughed and served them their dessert, this time he even let little Ken eat with his hands, not that he could be stopped any way. Kotarou only watched him in mild horror before he started eating his piece of cake. 

“Uncle, I can help Ken clean up!” It seemed like the fastest way to Kotarou’s heart was a piece of cake. He really had more of an older brother than he was aware of, not just in the sense of being spiritually connected to other children, he really cared about them. 

“You shouldn’t eat with your hands, you know?” The older boy carefully rubbed a wet washcloth over his friend’s face and hands. “You’re not a little pig, are you?” 

“No! I’m a bear!” How dare presume that he was a pig. “We’re both bears.” He gently poked Amon before he hugged him. Amon was so strong and soft, just like a bear. “Let’s always be friends.” 

“Mhm…” He tried not to squeeze the little boy too tightly but Ken was so warm, it was different from hugging his siblings, Ken was his friend. The third one he made and so far the one he liked the most. “Let’s go back to your papa. What if he gets lonely without us?” 

“We can’t let that happen -” Ken ran back into the kitchens and attack hugged his father’s legs while rubbing his head against him. “Don’t be lonely papa, I’m here now.” He started giggling as he felt his father’s hand ruffle through his hair. 

“I’m not lonely Ken, why don’t you go and play some more with Amon, hm? It’s bedtime soon, you should try to make most of the day.” Wasn’t it a bit fake deep to tell his little son something like that…? No, it wasn’t. After all it was his responsibility to make sure that Ken would be able to look back later and say that not everything was bad. 

He watched the kids run off, holding hands and laughing, it wasn’t bad to see them like this, but still… he couldn’t help but cry. 

“Amon can you show me how to braid a doll’s hair again?” Ken carefully patted his favourite’s doll head. “I am scared to mess it up…” The little boy sat down next to his friend and rested his head against his arm, watching him carefully braiding the synthetic black hair. “She’s a war general who lead the Chinese army into victory!” 

“She is? That’s impressive, what’s her name?” 

“Chang-Chang.” It wasn’t like it was boring to watch Amon braid Chang-Chang’s hair but he’d rather lie down on the fluffy carpet. “Is it nice to have siblings?” 

“Hm… sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t. You know, it’s different from being at the daycare with everyone, we spend our time there studying and playing but at home I have to be a big brother! That’s different from taking care of you in the daycare you know… after a while most of my siblings leave, it’s okay! They often come back to visit and I still have papa… but then I wonder if we’re even a real family…” 

“You know my uncle Uta and uncle Take, they have a son who’s a dog! So if they’re a real family than your family is also a real one. I have an invisible second dad!” 

Amon sat up and handed Chang-Chang to his friend. “... you’re not serious are you?” 

“Woah, she looks so pretty! Thank you.” Why didn’t he believe him? Not that his ‘God’ friend was the definition of visible either. “I don’t have any reason to lie! I have a second invisible dad and he speaks Korean.” Ken nodded eagerly. “Papa has a boyfriend. Since… a month now I think… he said that I’ll meet him soon enough, but they’re taking their time.” 

“Oh! That’s… okay, now it makes more sense…” Now it was his turn to lie down on the fluffy carpet. “You talked about it right… that your papa would be happier with a partner…” His own papa would never marry or have a partner, he always said that he was fully devoted to God and his work. Was he happy…? “I wouldn’t be able to live like my papa, you know… I want an own family one day, even if it’s just like your uncles’ family.” 

“Mhm… I know what you mean, one day I’ll have a family too… with a visible partner…” 

The time always passed faster when they were having fun, maybe a bit too much of it, Ken yawned and after a while he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore. But sleeping was more comfortable this night, just knowing that his friend was right by his side was so comforting and warm. 

How odd… usually his papa woke him up in the morning, now Ken had to get up himself. Amon stretched and tried to get up too, both of them were mildly confused by all the noise that came from the kitchen. Ken’s papa wasn’t alone but the voice didn’t belong to Amon’s papa either… it was… 

“Sensei!” 

“Hey there.” He smiled at them as usual, but for Amon it was odd to see him in something different than his work uniform, it was so odd that he got a little hesitant and shy, hiding away behind his uncle. 

Meanwhile Ken tried to climb up his Sensei’s leg to sit on his lap. He was already used to him coming over, there was no need to even question why he was here. After he took care of papa when his leg was injured he visited them often, for lunch, dinner, to watch movies. Sometimes when Ken snuck out his room at night he found them snoring on the sofa, cuddling while they slept. 

It would be nice if papa didn’t date anyone… it would be nicer if they could just always be like this, sensei, papa and him. But as soon as he’d meet papa’s boyfriend it would be over, he was sure of it. So now he had to make the best of it. 

Kuramoto-sensei helped Ken up and placed him on his lap. “Your papa called me this morning, he said he forgot to buy eggs and couldn’t leave the house because you two were still sleeping, so I helped him out.” 

“... but we just went grocery shopping two days ago -” 

The silence that spread in the room was loud enough to at least make sense to two of them and Itou tried to hide his grin by disguising it as a yawn. “I’m sure he just wanted to play it safe, hm? Make sure that every bear gets enough to eat.” He gently pinched Ken’s nose and made him laugh. 

Meanwhile Amon couldn’t help but watch sensei out of the corner of his eye. “Are you going to eat breakfast with us, sensei?” It wasn’t that it made him uncomfortable, he was just curious. 

“Re- Yomo-san invited me to stay so… yes I will.” Again he smiled, but he seemed to be a little distressed over something. But now even Amon seemed to have adjusted to the situation as he ran over to sensei and his friend, leaning against his teacher. 

“I hope you like pancakes and waffles.” Usually they ate a Japanese breakfast, every now and then toast when they were in a hurry, but since today was a special day and Amon liked sweets the best, it was time to try something new. 

“Itou can you take care of Ken -” Oh. His face changed its colour from even tan to a bright red as he turned around and tried to focus on setting the table. 

Ken didn’t mind, he didn’t even understand but Amon was seemingly surprised by the fact that his uncle called sensei by his given name, but everything was forgotten once they started eating. This time even Ken tried his best but sensei still took his time to help him out. 

“It’s so good…” Maybe he should visit Ken and uncle Yomo more often, not just for the waffles and pancakes though… Amon took a glance at the clock that was hanging on the wall and he seemed to be a little distressed. “I missed the mass today… I hope papa isn’t mad at me.” 

“I missed them all the time when I was at your age.” Itou laughed and cleaned Ken’s mouth. “And look at me, I turned out pretty well, didn’t I?”

“Debatable.” Even though the remark wasn’t exactly charming, Renji couldn’t help but grin at Itou. “What? I’m just saying -” 

“Can you believe that Ken? Your papa is mean to me.” 

Even though fake tears couldn’t impress Renji anymore, Ken seemed to take it a little too serious. “Papa! Now I don’t love you anymore. Amon do you think your papa will be my new papa?”

“... maybe…” Okay, there was no doubt that he liked Ken but - 

“I was joking, little Yomo.” Itou rubbed over his chubby tummy and kissed Ken’s cheek. “Everything’s okay, hm? You still love your papa right?”

“Only if you do, sensei.” The little boy crossed his arms and puffed his cheeks. 

“Oh I do… I do.” 

“Good. Then I love papa too!” 

Ken never really understood why his papa broke out into such loud and relentless laughter afterwards, not until another week passed by.


	10. Stubborn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more of Amon's back story, but since the main plot revolves around Ken I kept it fairly short. Let me know if you want more of them though! Then I can write spin-offs ☺

“Kotarou…” Donato sighed and sat down on the edge of the boy’s bed. “It’s the fourth couple I had to sent away now because you refused to talk to them. What’s wrong? Did they make you feel uncomfortable?” 

He only shook his head, he was so angry that he could hardly speak, instead he hugged his pillow and buried his face in it so that his caretaker wouldn’t see him cry. 

“Then what’s the problem? Please talk to me so we can figure out what to do next.” It wasn’t usual that a child stood in the orphanage for a longer amount of time than a year, for Amon it had been 2 years now and he just refused to meet any potential couples that would adopt him. 

“I want to stay with you… you’re my father, aren’t you? Pater means father so -” The boy sobbed and hugged his pillow tighter, flinched when the man tried to calm him down. “I don’t want to go away and live with people I don’t know -” 

“... Kotarou I am not your real father it’s -” How was he supposed to explain this properly to him? He was a child, yes, but he wasn’t stupid, he would surely understand -

“I KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT MY BIOLOGICAL FATHER BUT I LOVE YOU!” Why did he get so angry all of the sudden. “YOU ARE MY FAMILY, I DON’T WANT TO LOSE THAT AGAIN -” It was hard to see him through the tears that clouded up his eyes. “Papa… please… please don’t force me to go away…” 

Many kids had called him Parter, father… but they all understood that it was just something spiritual, something they called him because of the work he did, but there was something different in way that Kotarou did it. The words were heavier, touched him deeper. 

For the first time in 2 years he hugged his son, not a child he was taking care off until someone would adopt him, for the first time in 2 years he finally understood. “... you’re not going anywhere… you’re my son, Kotarou... we’re a family.”


	11. Visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And again... more backstory, but I promise the next chapter will focus on Ken again!! I hope you like it :)

Christmas was close, just around the corner. The shops were overflowing with decoration and people looking for just the right present for their partners. Itou mindlessly walked through the city, he didn’t need to buy a present for anyone, well at least not someone he was romantically involved with. His path lead him to a flower shop and for a moment it was incredibly hard to breathe, he felt a stinging pain in his chest and guilt weighing him down. 

What kind of flowers did they like best…? He was ashamed for forgetting it, but maybe he just needed to find something in the right colour. What was their favourite colour again? Pink… yes they liked pink the best, soft pastel pink. Roses were nice too, did they like them…? Maybe. Hydrangea would be nice but it was too cold for them, they were out of season. 

“May I help you?” A friendly voice spoke the words out so softly. She had a light accent, German? It wasn’t important anyway. 

“Yes please.” Itou smiled at the girl that blushed, a reaction he was used to at this point. That’s what he got for being mixed raced in Japan, not that it was bad. “I need a present for someone… do you have any pink roses?” 

The girl seemed to be let down but she still smiled. “We do! Are they for your partner?” Apparently they held a meaning that was yet unknown to Itou, he really just wanted them for aesthetic reasons, nothing more. 

“O-Oh no no… they’re for someone else.” No. They were far from being anything like that but he still loved them. Probably more than anything or anyone else he had ever met. 

“Pink roses mean forever… Love forever.” There it was again, this dreamy smile on the girl's face. Did she get her hopes up? She was pretty but Itou couldn’t be bothered with things like that now. 

“That’s a beautiful meaning.” Just right for them, he felt as if he never told them enough how much he loved them, maybe it just took him too long to finally understand the true extent of his feelings, but now that he did, he wouldn’t hide them anymore. 

Stepping out of the warm shop into the cold December air was unpleasant, but when was life ever pleasant? It was all about holding on and waiting for times to get brighter again, warmer… When he was younger he thought he understood the world, how it worked, when he thought everything was pointless, but that was just ignorance on his behalf. 

No… no matter how much he wanted the world to stop spinning, no matter how much he wanted everything to be quiet, life went on and it was good, he wouldn’t want it to be any other way when he was honest. When it was too hard to walk he’d just let the wind carry him in the right direction. 

But now his way led him to the train station, what a lucky coincidence, his train had just arrived and once everyone who needed to got off Itou found a place to sit for himself. The scenery of Tokyo was so dreamy on cold december days, when the sun was shining and the clouds danced on the light blue of the gentle sky. 

The train wasn’t to crowded, it was so quiet. It actually was never crowded at all especially not in the direction he was going. After a while Itou lost himself in his thoughts, reminiscing about the past, musing about the future, so deeply that he didn’t even notice the child that was standing in front of him. 

“Hello!” The little boy shouted at Itou while he smiled, playing with the strings of his heavy dark blue jacket. 

Itou squeezed the flowers in surprise and smiled. “Oh hey there…” Where were the child's parents? Nobody was looking out for him… how odd. He looked a bit like a little lamb, with his black and white hair and bright grey eyes. A friendly smile graced his lips and he opened his mouth to start babbling again. 

“Those flowers are pretty! Do you like pink?” The little boy inspected the bouquet, it wasn’t anything special, but it still was pretty. “Whom did you buy them for? Are they for yourself?”

“I do, but my favourite colour is blue. No they’re not for me… they’re for… someone very special, whom I love very much. What’s your favourite colour?” He smiled but he felt his heart break, of course he didn’t have to answer this child’s questions, but he wasn’t like that. This kid had no idea of the grief and pain that was raging on deep inside him, so he wouldn’t take it out on it. 

“Ah… I don’t know… maybe cucumber.” The little boy turned his head around when someone called his name, Haise. What an odd name, but he seemed to be such a kind hearted and happy child. “What’s your name ojisan?” 

Oh God, was he really that old? “I’m Kuramoto Itou. Nice to meet you Haise.” 

The little boy bowed lightly. “I’m Fura Haise, nice to meet you.” 

After a while the person that called him joined them. “I am so sorry, my nephew tends to run away and then he just talks to people… Haise you have to stay with me.” His aunt was about the same age as Itou, she was holding hands with two little boys, twins. Both of them were smiling at Itou, but one seemed to be a bit shyer than the other. “Hello!” The one without the mole said waving at him, the one with the mole hid behind the young woman. 

“Don’t by shy Souta, say hello.” She gently patted the boy’s head, she always did when he was anxious, but there was really no reason to be scared of anyone or anything. Being brave was a choice, but it was also something they had to be taught, to trust and open up to people. 

“... hello…” His voice was shaking, he was nervous but after a while he smiled at Itou, he was proud of himself for actually approaching the stranger, maybe it he needed more time than his older brother but he still managed. 

Itou smiled and waved back at them. “Hey.” He helped little Haise up who wanted to sit next to him, his aunt and the twins took a seat opposite to him. She needed to assist the Souta as he struggled to climb up the seats, the other one seemed to do it with much more ease. 

“I’m Washuu Rize, nice to meet you. These two are my little brothers, Chika and Souta.” She bowed lightly and so did the boys, each one of them holding their older sister’s hand. 

Wait. Haise was her nephew and the twins were her brothers - “... does that mean they are -” She nodded and he understood. There was no need to ask anymore questions, their family structure was none of his business and he was the last person to judge them. “So where are you guys going?” 

“We’ll eat cake with our big sister!” Chika smiled while he squeezed her hand. “My big brother and my brother in law are already waiting for us at the café, but we went to the zoo with Haise first, because he has never been to a zoo before. They have bears there! I like bears, but dogs are still the best animals.” 

“I liked penguins best…” Souta was such a quiet little boy, unlike his brother who seemed to be more open and extrovert, but when his sister asked him about the penguins he seemed a lot more excited and he forgot about the anxiety that was caused by talking to a stranger. 

Itou turned to his new friend and smiled. “And what did you like best, Haise?”

“The alpacas!” Little Haise stretched his arms out. “They're this fluffy, so soft and their faces are cute! I want to be an alcapa when I grow up.” The little boy started laughing when Itou did, how much imagination did he still have? It was heartwarming. 

“And where are you headed, Kuramoto?” The young woman smiled at him again, but he couldn’t bring himself to return the gesture. 

“... I have to visit someone… at the last stop of this train…” It should be enough for her to understand what he was trying to say and she didn’t ask anything else, the only thing she said was. 

“I’m sure they’ll like the flowers.” Her smile told him that she had never dealt with the kind of pain and grief he was feeling, but one day she would and Itou was hoping and praying, that this day was still in a far away future for her. 

Then the oh so familiar voice announced the stop where the Washuu had to get off, it was the second last stop before Itou’s. In this area there were a lot of small cafés run by families that migrated to Japan, the boys would sure like them. “It was nice to meet you, Kuramoto-san.” Rize bowed deeply and so did the boys.

“Bye Itou!” Haise giggled as he left the train last. The little group waited for the train to depart as they all waved at their new friend. 

He smiled until they were out of sight. Twins hm… it felt like his chest tightened up and he wanted to curl up and vanish. Why did he have to meet them on a day like this? This world was far from being fair or logical, but nobody could change the flow of time, destiny… the fact that some things were just bound to happen. 

When the train reached its destination Itou was alone. Once again he stepped out in the cold december air and took a deep breath, the flowers were still pretty, but it was questionable for how long… They wouldn’t survive without water but they weren’t meant to last anyway. 

It had been years since he came here for the last time, but he knew exactly where he had to go, every step felt like a deja vú. When he was still 17 he’d often come here. Now that that he was 22 he had tried to move on with his life, but recent events made him understand that there was no such thing as running away from the person he was and the things that happened in his past. 

“... it’s been a while hm…” Itou sighed and let his hands run through his hair. “I bought you flowers… I hope you like them, pink was your favourite colour, right?” He sat down in the grass right in front of them. “I’ve visited mum and dad last week… Seola takes good care of their graves… but she said she’ll go back to Busan soon, then I’ll take over again.” 

“... but that’s not the reason why I came here you know… I’ve… been thinking about a lot of things recently… it has been…. 3 years now since mama and papa died… you know it… things got difficult afterwards.” Just thinking about it gave him stomach ache. “If it weren’t for Irimi I would still live in my cramped old apartment without ever leaving it… when you were younger I wanted to become a doctor, but my plans changed so drastically I couldn’t even figure out what I was supposed to do.” 

He always did his best in school, tried to get into a private university, back then he also spend a lot of time in his bedroom, but to study. Then everything changed, fell apart. Itou still went to school, his grades weren’t bad, but he wasn’t top of the class anymore. Nobody would ask him what happened, they already knew. 

“You left us so suddenly and it felt like... I have to be honest… I was angry… I always thought mama and papa loved you more than me… well you were the youngest, weren’t you? Both of you, my baby twin sisters…” The cold wind blew into his eyes and he blinked the tears away. “You always shared everything, no matter what it was… your clothes, your meals… and then you even died together.” 

They were only 12 when it happened, they always been somewhat prone to getting a cold, but they were okay. Weren’t they? His parents always told him to take care of them, if he’d become a doctor later in life, he was certain he’d always make sure that they were healthy, but they left him too early, with thoughts and wishes, plans that would never become reality. 

“Do you know what kind of hole it left…? I mean I can’t blame you, nobody does… you got sick, that happens… but still it felt like mama and papa never were the same after you died… it scared me, because I blamed myself, I wondered… is it because I’m not… you? It felt like they’d rather would have lost me than the two of you and… I felt left out by you - God it sounds horrible… and stupid… but you died and left me behind… it was always just the two of you, even then.” 

There was this connection that twins shared, something nobody would ever be able to get in between. The age difference wasn’t even the problem for Itou, but it felt like the twins existed in a brighter, kinder world than he did. Everyone praised them, they were everybody’s darling, he worked hard… but still he loved his sisters more than anyone else, despite the feeling of not being a part of their family. 

“... but now I found something… that makes me happy, something that’s only mine and I feel like after all these years there is a place I belong. You know working at my friend’s daycare really makes me happy. I met so many wonderful people and and… during my time there I understood. It was never just the two of you, no matter how… much mama and papa didn’t want to see me, you always did.” 

Thinking about it now, it felt like they were always there, taking care of their older brother. When he studied they’d check on him, cuddle him when they watched TV, trying to give him the love his parents failed to give him. When everyone else ignored him, they were there to let him know he was loved. 

Itou got up and smiled. “That’s why I wanted to tell you about the best thing that happened recently…” 

Hours past and he talked and talked, the sun began to set as he had to go back to his flat. “I’m taking the night train there. I’ll come back to visit you again soon!” The graveyard would close in a few hours, now it was time to let them rest and sleep some more. Were they happy for him? Hopefully. He didn’t need his parents blessing, but he wanted to share his happiness with his little sisters. 

“... good night Mina and Yeseul…”


	12. Ken's new grandparents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so busy with Uni projects and term papers, but I am determined to finish this fic... if everything goes as planned there are only a few more chapters to go and in all honesty it breaks my heart, because I'm not ready to say goodbye :')

“Bye train!” Ken waved as the train they took to his grandparents’ place departed again. It had been a long train ride, he wasn’t tired though, he and papa had slept a lot on their way here. When they didn’t sleep they had spent their time eating and talking about all the things they wanted to do in these 4 days they’d spend with them. 

Ken was very excited to see the snow and the mountains near his grandparents house, papa even said that sometimes foxes and deer ran over the wide and open fields nearby the village. Also meeting them would most certainly be a highlight, Ken never had grandparents before, only a very mean aunt… but he didn’t want to think about her now. It would most certainly be an adventure to stay with his papa’s parents and that was all he should focus on now. 

Just 3 days ago Ken had celebrated his birthday in the daycare with all of his friends. Now his bed was barely big enough for him and all the bears he got, it was so nice to celebrate his birthday with so many friends and sensei even made a cake for them. Later the day they went to aunt Hikari’s place and celebrated there, even with a video call to Korea so aunt Haru, uncle Daichi, Jimin and Seoyeon could join them too. 

Even though it was already his 5th birthday it felt like this was the first real birthday celebration he had, from now on he could look forward to this day. He wanted to make many more happy memories with his friends and family from now on, things that would fill the void his mother left. 

“Your grandpa said he’ll pick us up from the train station…” But the old man was nowhere in sight, there was really only one thing that Renji was sure about when it came to his father and that was that he was always late. 

“Renji-kun!” Maybe he was old, but he could still proof his son wrong and so he called his name out loud before running towards him, even though it snowed he didn’t care. Usually Renji would have scolded him but he was too happy to see his father again, so he picked Ken up and met him halfway. The taller man hugged them immediately, wrapping his arm tightly around Renji, while placing a hand on Ken’s back. 

“Papa, this is Ken. Ken, this is your grandpa.” Renji’s face was glowing, he was more than just happy and excited to finally be back home after so many years. Being a detective for the police in Tokyo meant that he barely got time off, after moving away in his late teens he had only had time to call his parents on the phone, but never to drive back home to see them in person. 

“Hello.” Ken smiled at his grandpa and started giggling when the old man gently pinched his cheeks. His grandpa didn’t look like papa, nor oncle Daichi or aunt Hikari, he just looked like a grandpa. Actually he was the first grandpa Ken ever had. 

“Oh… Renji, you didn’t tell me that I have such a cute grandson.” He was a little surprised by Ken stretching his arms out to be held by him, but he didn’t decline, how could he. “Do you want to see your grandmother, Ken?” 

“Yes!” Ken stretched his little arms out and looked up at the sky when he caught the first snowflakes. “It’s cold, let’s go to grandma.” Not that he didn’t know snow, but after spending so much time in the warm train it was unpleasant to stay outside. 

Renji quietly followed his father and his son as they walked to his car, Ken was busy telling his grandpa all the things that came to his mind, about the daycare, his friends and family back in Tokyo. Also Kumo, he wouldn’t forget about her. 

“Do you like cats grandpa?” The little boys voice got quiet, he wasn’t used to talking to so much, it made him tired. 

“I do, but I like dogs better.” The old man laughed and put little Ken in his seat. “Your grandma and I have one, you’ll meet him soon. You aren’t scared of dogs, are you?” 

“No! I am not scared of anything!” Well maybe he was a little scared of the big dark clouds that brought thunder and rain, but not dogs. “I love dogs! And bears! Bears are the best!” 

Renji quietly slipped in the car on the passenger seat, it seemed like there was something on his mind but he wouldn’t disclose it in front of his son, he didn’t need to know everything. “I missed you, dad.” 

“I missed you too, Renji-kun…” It was always worse to actually say these words out loud, it had been years since he last saw his son, of course he got pictures but seeing in person how much he had grown felt different. He was no longer a little boy, Renji was a man now, he was a father, but even when he looked at him now, all he saw was his little boy. 

The ride back to his grandparents’ place was exciting, Ken stuck his small head up as far as he could and watch the scenery change in front of his eyes, there were so many things he had never seen before, the countryside out here was magical. It was different from the one in the orphanage that was located northern from Tokyo, his grandparents lived in the south. For a moment he wasn’t even sure if he was still in Japan, but when papa said that it was then there was no doubt that this was his home country. 

The car stopped in front of a rather small house with one story. It was old, but his grandparents took good care of it. There was a small vegetable garden in the front yard, but right now it was covered with snow, the neighbours weren’t living as close to them as they would have in Tokyo. It was a small village for a boy who lived in the city, but he didn’t mind, no not at all. 

Papa and grandpa carried their luggage inside while Ken was waiting for them at the doorstep. There was no sign or trace of his grandma and it made him nervous, what did she even look like? No no, it was better to wait for them to arrive and then they’d all greet grandma together. 

“Come inside.” Renji lifted Ken up who started giggling shortly afterwards, papa was so strong. They took their shoes off together when he heard a yet unfamiliar voice behind them, she didn’t say anything, she just made a surprised gasp and Ken’s papa almost fell on his face when he tried to get up as fast as he could. 

“MAMA!” Did he cry? Ken tilted his head and looked at his papa, he did cry but he cried because he was happy. He hugged his mama so tightly that Ken got scared that the old lady would get hurt, but she only laughed and patted his back. 

“There there… it’s okay Renji-kun, I missed you too.” She was so much shorter than her husband and her son, even shorter than aunt Hikari. Thinking about it she did look a lot like his aunt, but also like his uncle. After a while his papa let go of grandma and picked Ken up. 

“Say hi, Ken.” But instead of saying anything, the little boy leaned over and hugged his grandmother before giving her a kiss. If papa loved her so much then Ken did it too. 

The old lady laughed and ruffled the boy’s hair before it was her turn to carry him. “Are you going to sleep in your old bedroom, Renji-kun? It might not be spacious enough for the two of you…” Even though they barely touched anything since their son left, it meant that now there were old clothes, books and toys piling up in a boxes that were stashed away in the small room.

“No no… I think a futon in the living room should be enough. We’re not staying for long anyway…” It was a little sad to admit that he at least wanted to stay until new year’s eve but there was work to do. “Or what do you think, Ken?”

“I don’t care.” He mumbled while hugging his grandma. “I’ll care about it later but not now.” Now it was time to play and inspect the house. Didn’t grandpa say something about a dog? “Grandpa, where is the puppy?” 

“Howl!” The old man called out and a shiba inu came dashing through the hall way, barking as he ran towards the old man. It seemed as if the name alone was enough to get little Ken excited as he started wriggling out of his grandmother’s embrace. As soon as she put him down he ran towards the dog, screaming his name which was answered with excited barks. 

After a while Ken’s grandpa, Howl and the little boy wandered in the living room to play as it was larger than the cozy little kitchen. Renji watched them leave with a tired smile on his face before he turned to his mother. “It’s been a while…” 

“Mhm…” She smiled at her son before she gently patted his head. “You’ve grown so much since the last time that I saw you. So your sister did take good care of you, didn’t she? I’m glad to see that you’ve all been doing fine.” But there was something she couldn’t deny, something that worried her. “Renji-kun, do you want to tell me something?” 

There was nothing a mother didn't notice, or so it seemed. She gently patted her son's head and made him sit down with her at the table. “So, what's wrong?” 

“... it's because of…” In this moment it was hard to look at her. “Maybe I am taking my relationship too serious. You know, when you asked me to ask my boyfriend if he wants to join us for our trip here, I remembered how he always… well he told me right from the start that we should take it easier, you know? I mean I get it, I have a child, he doesn’t… he doesn’t want Ken to have any false hopes… but that also made me question… whether or not… he takes it serious, like if he really wants a future with me or not.” 

“Oh Renji… it’s usual to have this kind of worries, especially when you’re taking it seriously, but trust me it’ll be okay. I’m sure he had his reason to say things like that. Just give him some time and now you should focus on yourself and Ken, okay? Don’t worry too much about things that might never happen.” She carefully patted her son’s head before giving him a hug. “There there… it’ll be fine.” 

“Grandpa!” Ken tackled the old man and sat down next to him. “... I never had a grandpa before… you’re my first grandpa.” It was something he had been thinking about for a while now. “I had an aunt before I got aunt Hikari, but she was mean. She didn’t like me.” 

“Hm… but your aunt Hikari loves you. So does your aunt Haru too.” He gently patted Ken’s back while the little boy played with his hands. “We all love you very much.” 

“And I love you very much.” Once he got bored with playing with his grandpa’s fingers he curled up in in his lap and cuddled him. “...” Even though he was convinced that he wasn’t tired he fell asleep, it was nice to be held by someone who loved him just as much as his papa did. 

When Ken woke up again his grandma was standing in the door frame, opening her arms to her grandson inviting him to give her a hug. There was no way he’d miss a chance like that and immediately ran over to the woman to hug her, he giggled as she lifted him up. His papa was already waiting for them in the kitchen. 

How odd it felt to sit in a chair for adults for the first time. He looked around and grabbed his papa’s hand. So it was dinner time already… hopefully grandma made yummy food, but judging by how tall his papa was she must have fed him very well. 

Even though the little boy was a little skeptical about rice porridge he quickly changed his mind when he started eating it. It was so good that he forgot the people around him while he fully indulge in the flavour. 

“Eto called earlier this morning, she invited you over for tea tomorrow. No excuses.” 

Renji stared at his mother in disbelief and then sighed. “Okay okay, I know I can’t win when she wants things to go her way.” Not that it wasn’t fun though. He really missed seeing her and this was their chance to catch up. 

“Talking about Eto.” His father seemed to remember something. “Last summer she came to visit with her girlfriend’s little brothers. They’re very cute… I showed the youngest one a magic trick. Do you want to see it, Ken?”

“YES!” The little boy raised his arms and stared at his grandpa, anticipating to see some real magic. 

“Look at my hands, they’re empty… now…” He let his hand hover over Ken's cup and by the time he pulled back a little yellow duck was swimming on his cocoa. 

Ken squeaked in the delight, clapping his hands together. “PAPA DID YOU SEE THAT? Grandma is a magician!” How much joy such a little trick could bring to a child, Renji still remembered how his father used to perform this magic trick for him and his siblings, but when they grew older the enjoyment and the magic faded, but seeing it again now as an adult gave him something else, some kind of bittersweet nostalgia. 

All the excitement and new sensations seemed to wear Ken out more than expected but he didn't want to sleep in his papa’s old bed, he wanted to stay with him in the living room, even though he went to bed long before his papa did. At least Howl wanted to cuddle with him until he felt the warm sensation of his papa’s embrace hours after he finally fell asleep. 

“Don't eat too much breakfast, Ken. We’ll visit one of my friends today and she said she'll make lunch for us.” Even though his papa told him that Ken wasn't too kean about meeting a new person just today. 

“Can't I stay with grandma and grandpa?” He also doubted that anyone could cook as good as grandpa, he wanted to eat lunch he made. 

“Ah, sorry but I have to go to the city today, Ken. I won't be back until late in the afternoon and grandpa has to go to the vet with Howl.” The woman carefully picked up her sulking and sobbing grandson and gently cradled him in her arms. “There there… don't cry, we will all be back in time for dinner and I'll get you something nice in the city.” 

“... I just want you to come back soon…” 

“I will, promise.” She even gave him a kiss, there was no way that he could stay mad at her any longer. As soon as Ken left the house and set a foot into the freshly fallen snow that had piled up over night, he finally forgot about why he was upset in first place. His papa let him play until he was tired enough to walk to his friends house. 

“Is she a witch?” 

How did he get that idea all of the sudden? “She might be, but I can't be the judge of that.” 

“Why not?” Since when didn't his papa know things? “But you always know things like that don't you?” 

“Usually yes, but I can't use magic so I can't tell you if she's a witch or not… but you have a spark inside of you.” Renji gentle booped his son’s nose. “And that means you can. So you have to see for yourself if she's a witch or not and if she is, I can assure you she's the kindest witch you'll ever meet.” 

Well, when papa said so it had to be true. There was no doubt about it. “Okay.” Ken said, squeezing his papa’s hand as hard as he could as they continued to walk to his friend’s house. It was small, hidden behind trees. During summer the house would be hidden behind a wall of leaves, so much was sure. 

“Renji-kun!” The door of the house opened and a short woman stepped out in the cold, she had dark curly hair that framed her face and wore large round glasses, that almost covered half of her youthful face. She smiled and waved at her friend and his son. “Is that little Ken? He's so cute, almost makes me want to have own kids.” 

“Ken this is Eto, we used to go to school together when we were children.” Ken only side eyed her before he slowly bowed. 

“It's nice to meet you, I'm Yomo Ken.” 

She clapped her hands together in delight and smiled at Ken. “Why don't you come in and warm up? I'm sure there's a lot we can talk about, Renji-kun.” 

Was she a witch or wasn't she…? Going into her house might be dangerous if she was one but there was no turning back now. Ken had to be brave and if he needed to, he would even safe his papa from the evil witch. If she was one of course… 

“I don’t have any games or toys here, Ken. I’m sorry… but if you like cats, I’m sure my babies would love to get to know you better.” Once again the young woman turned to him and smiled brightly. “Do you like cats?”

“Yes! Cats are the best! We have a cat ourself, right now she’s staying with my uncle Take and my uncle Uta. Her name is Kumo, because she’s white and soft.” Well, if cats trusted her she couldn’t possibly be an evil witch, right? 

Eto’s cats came in all shapes, colours and sizes. Ken would need a whole day to distribute his love to them equally. For a while Eto and Renji just quietly watched the boy play with the cats before they turned to each other. “So… it’s been a while. You didn’t even tell me that you’re going to come back here.” 

“I didn’t know that you moved back to the countryside.” Of course she was right, but the pain of her leaving him behind years ago was still sitting in his bones. “You just left without a word and moved to a big city, you promised we’d always be friends.” 

“But we are…” There was a glimmer of sadness in her eyes. “You know, it was just difficult for me to stay here. Alone with papa after mum left, I didn’t know what the true reasoning for their divorce was, I always believed they loved each other and being a teen I thought the only logical conclusion was that mum just couldn’t stand not being around him anymore, he was a good teacher to so many kids… but I felt as if that also meant putting his own family second. It would have hurt me… it did hurt me and when mum left I thought… that’s it, it’s all his fault.” She lowered her gaze and blinked the few tears away that were about to roll down her cheeks. “I didn’t know that she was sick…” 

“... you were only a child…” Now he felt bad for bringing the topic up, maybe he should have also tried to be less stubborn and egoistic about it. “You didn’t know any better.” 

“No. No there’s no excuse…” She gently wiped over her eyes and then smiled tired. “They just didn’t want me to see her slowly dying, all they did was protect me and my memory of mother. I only heard her voice in the last months she lived, it was so faint… shaking and weak, but when I close my eyes now and think of her, all I see is a strong woman, a healthy woman…” 

What was there to say? He only looked at her and nodded weakly. “... yeah…” 

“And then 2 years ago dad died… I’m glad that we made up before it happened… it feels as if I wasted years being mad at him for something that… didn’t even exist outside of my fantasy. He was a good man and he always did his best, so the least I could do was to move into the house he built for my family.” Now she smiled brighter, more sincerely. “I am so much happier here, you know now that I can fully appreciate what they did for me. I wouldn’t say I was ungrateful before… I was just naive, aside from that… maybe it’s true that nostalgia makes everything feel happier and warmer than it was, but even if it’s so, I’m glad that the grudges I held don’t exist any longer.” 

Silence spread between them, their gaze shifted back to little Ken who was caught up in playing with the cats that also seemed to find a liking to the little human. 

“He’s just as old as my fiancée’s little brothers. They came to visit during summer, they’ll come back around the same time next year, maybe your little boy would like to meet them.” She fell quiet when she noticed the questioning look on her friend’s face. “I met her in the last year I was living in Osaka. She was a student there and I was attending a book fair as writer… it was… odd, she really enjoyed my books but then told me that she’s also sorry that I feel so lonely, I think in that moment it struck me… the reality of things, you know? I think I got attached to her then.” 

“She sounds like a very kind woman.” Renji smiled and played with the tablecloth, he just couldn’t help it, the texture was a bit disturbing. 

“You haven’t changed a bit.” Not that it was a bad thing. “Your mum told me you’re also seeing someone, what is he like?” 

“... he’s very loud and energetic, I never thought that someone like that would be… what I needed in my life.” He leaned back and sighed. “When I think about it the only thing we do have in common is the music we like, he loves horror movies and they make me jump, he prefers video games to reading, we both work with people but he’s a teacher and I’m a policeman… I wonder how it even works… at times I’m worried it doesn’t and we’re just pretending it does so we don’t have to be alone anymore.” 

“Isn’t it normal to think things like that? I don’t think that you’re alone with that especially since it’s all new to you, but you should brighten up a bit. Rize isn’t much like me either, but I love her regardless. It’s not about … wanting to be with someone who’s like you, you need someone who compliments you in their own way. You wouldn’t be happy with someone who’s like you, you need to grow as a person. Your whole life long, you know?” 

“Yeah…” She has such a deep understanding of how things worked that he sometimes got a little jealous, but maybe that was just how writers worked. How she worked. “Thank you.” 

It was odd, the last time they had seen each other they had been children, now they were adults and even though they had spend so much time apart from each other, it felt as though they were closer than ever before. 

“Auntie.” Ken came running, followed by his new friends. “How do you make all the flowers grow in the winter?” 

Now that he mentioned it, Renji took a look around and only now noticed the amount of plants that were taking up all free space in the house. It seems as if they walked right into the setting of a Ghibli movie. 

“I use magic for that little Yomo.” Eto gently booped his nose and laughed. “I’m a plant witch, you know?” 

His eyes got bigger and he ran back into the centre of the room to play with his new friends some more. “I knew it!” Ken exclaimed after a while. “But you’re a good witch, a nice one. I know that!” 

The evening came too quickly, Ken enjoyed playing with Eto’s babies just as much as his papa enjoyed catching up with her. They even prepared lunch together, though it was mostly Ken checking on Eto, trying to find out how a real witch prepared her meals. Once it got time to leave again, he felt a little sad. “Can I visit you again sometime?” 

The young woman kneeled down in front of the boy and gently patted his head. “Of course you do! I’d be glad to see you again, little Yomo.” Then she took his hands and whispered something in his ear, they both looked at Renji who was seemingly puzzled but he wasn’t noisy, whatever it was, it was now a secret between them. 

Going back to his grandparents place was a little more exhausting then walking to the witch’s house, so Ken needed his papa to carry him on the way back, but it was so nice. His papa was the strongest person alive, so much was certain, but he was also the kindest and gentlest person. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He chuckled before he pressed a kiss on Ken’s forehead. It would be nice if things would always stay that way… but he knew that life just didn’t work like that so all he could do was to enjoy these quiet moments with his son a little more. 

“Renji-kun!” His mother was standing in the door frame waving at him. Did something happen…? Not that she looked distressed, but she smiled in a way that he knew from his sister, she only smiled like that when she made secrets plans again. 

She carefully lifted her grandson up after he took his shoes and coat off and took her son’s hand. “Close your eyes, I have a surprise for you. For both of you.” But little Ken was unwilling to do as said, unlike his papa. 

“... did you buy me a pony or why are you making such a fuss about it…” Not that he wanted a pony, but his mother usually never acted like that. But he trusted her, so he let her lead him into the living room, the sudden surprised gasp by Ken was a little concerning, the same applied to the fact that his mother all of the sudden let go of his hand. “Mama what…” 

“I don’t think I look like a pony, do I?” 

No. No this wasn’t happening. Renji felt fingers intertwining with his, he knew the familiar warmth, the voice… but this was a joke right? 

“Come on open your eyes.” His mother seemed to be seemingly amused by the whole situation, he could even hear her smile. But he knew that once he’d open his eyes there was no way back, he didn’t know how he’d react at the same time excitement got the best of him. 

“Itou what are you doing here…?” Now there was really no way back or around it anymore, he couldn’t help but smile and squeeze his boyfriend’s hands a little tighter. 

“I missed you… your mum called me and asked me if I’d like to spent Christmas with you, how could I say no to that…?” Maybe it was bold of him just to kiss Renji in front of his son and parents but now he had enough of pretending that there was nothing going on between them. “I love you.” 

“... I love you too…” 

Ken stared at his papa and then at his teacher… or should he also call him papa now? “Does this mean Kuramoto-sensei is my…?” It was a little confusing, even a little upsetting that they didn’t even tell him that he was the invisible boyfriend the whole time, but they seemed to be so happy that Ken couldn’t stay mad at them. 

“... you can call me whatever you like Ken, I’m sorry that we hid it from you for so long, we just weren’t sure how you'd react.” Itou gently patted the little boy’s head to which he quickly responded with a tight embrace. 

After such an eventful day, night followed quickly, but neither Renji nor Itou were able to find sleep. It was a bit crowded in the living room, Ken cuddled with Howl while Itou was squeezed in between his stepson and boyfriend. “... I’m sorry if I made you worry… you know my insecurities shouldn’t have end up hurting you… that’s the exact opposite of how I wanted things to go.” 

“It’s okay… honestly all that matters to me is… that you’re here now and that Ken finally knows in what kind of direction things will go now, you know?” 

Instead of a reply he got another kiss and his boyfriend holding onto him tighter. “You’re right… everything will only get better from this point on.” And this time there was no doubt about it, not at all. 

“Do we really have to go…?” It seemed as if the few days Ken could spent around his grandparents left a lasting impression on him. He was seemingly let down by the fact that it was already time to go back home. 

“Yes we do.” Renji sighed and patted his son’s back. “But we’ll be back next summer, just be patient, okay?” His son nodded and gave his grandparents a tight hug, so they’d always remember how much he loved them. 

“Take care Renji, you too Ken.” The old man smiled at the small group. “It was nice to meet you, Kuramoto-kun.” 

“The pleasure’s mine.” He bowed deeply and looked out for the train that just arrived. “We have to go! Say goodbye, Ken.” They looked back one last time to wave at them before they got on the train, it was still a little new to them to finally be together as a family and not… whatever they pretended to be before. 

“You are my papa bear and you are my papa fox.” Ken was curled up in his new papa’s lap, cuddling him. “I am happy that you're my papa now, sensei. I don't think I would have liked anyone else…” 

Renji and Itou looked at each other before the younger man squeezed Ken lightly. “Is that so? Well, if you wouldn't have given me that little push in the right direction I might have missed that chance.” 

“But you didn't…” His boyfriend murmured before resting his head on the other’s shoulder. “And I'm glad that you didn't, because I'm sure that I wouldn't like anyone else either…” 

What kind of comment was that? Itou only laughed before joining the other two in their peaceful slumber. The way back was shorter than expected and Ken couldn't wait to see Kumo again. 

“Will you stay here?” Once he had given all of his stored up love to the needy cat, Ken had to make sure that he could cuddle both of his papas tonight. 

“If you want me to, then I'll stay.” He smiled when little Ken started screaming in delight, jumping up and down. Only Renji was surprisingly quiet, even more than usual. “Is something wrong, Renji…?” 

“No, but we got an invitation to a wedding.”


	13. Ken and the wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delayed update, life has been super busy lately. I hope you like it!

“I don’t like this… do I really have to wear this stupid outfit, sensei?”, Ken was nervously pulling and pinching his suit, he wasn’t yet used to wearing formal clothes, needless to say that he really hated it, “Aren’t my clothes good enough?” 

“They are, but this is a very special occasion, you want to make the bride happy, don’t you?”, Itou kneeled down infront of the little boy and squeezed his little hands, “You’re a big boy now, Ken. Growing up means that you sometimes have to do things you’re not exactly happy with, but that’s life and if you’re good you’ll get cake later.” 

“Really?!”, well he didn’t really need another lecture about life, growing up sounded stupid, but cake was something he could look forward too, “I love you, sensei.” 

“I love you too, Ken…”, Itou hugged him carefully, he didn’t need to mess up his suit just yet, he could feel it in his bones that he’d have to fix the little boy’s outfit more than once throughout the day, “Renji, are you ready?” 

“In a minute…”, he sounded even more annoyed than usual, “... I don’t like this at all.” The sudden laughter from his boyfriend confused him, did he say something wrong? 

“Like father like son…”, at least one of them needed to stay level-headed, it seemed like it was Itou’s task to be a good role model today, “Well you might hate it, but I have to say you look incredibly charming.” 

“If you say so,” a sheepish grin formed on Renji’s lips before he walked over to his son, “Are you excited to see them again, Ken?” 

“Yes! Can we go already?”, or maybe not, he almost forgot something important, “I have to say bye to Kumo -... oh.” Right, she wasn’t here at the moment, Kitty was looking after her for the time of being. Even though he felt like sulking now wasn’t the time for that as they had to get going. 

“Is the dress ready?”, why were weddings so stressful? Why did they all of the sudden decide to get married, okay actually they had decided to get married months ago but in Hogi’s opinion it was all too soon, too quick, too early… and being a bridesmaid was not an easy job. 

“Yes it’s here -”, Shao moved like a cat, making sure nobody would see or ruin the dress on the way the bride, “Calm down we’re still in time, she just needs to put the dress on and we’re good to go.” 

“You forgot that she needs her makeup and her hair done…,” Mutsuki grinned as he rose his glass for the bride’s maids, “Shirazu and me seem to have the easiest job today, or so it seems.” 

“Ha ha, very funny not go back where you belong you d-”, the girls sighed and let the groomsmen do whatever they wanted, which was being too loud and noisy for their own good. 

Meanwhile the bride was a nervous wreck, nervously tapping her fingers against the chair she was sitting in while her oldest friend carefully applied her make-up. 

“Trust me, you look amazing, I’m sure he’ll cry when he’ll see you,” if Kiyoko was so sure about it, then there was no doubt that he’d do, “Now relax, it’ll be fine.” 

“The dress is here!”, the young woman carefully placed it on the lonely sofa that stood on the opposing side of the vanity, “... Saiko, you’re stunning.” 

“... guys stop it, I don’t want to cry just yet, I’ll ruin my makeup,” but it was more than just reassuring to hear them all praise her, all her life she had never even dared to dream of becoming someone’s bride and now she was the first one to marry, “... thank you that you’re all here with me today and thank you for all of your help.” 

“No need to thank us, you deserve to be happy, more than anyone else,” all the grudges and the old jealousy were buried deep in her heart now, “You know, he loves you and you love him… you’ll be very happy together, for a very long time. But now we got to hurry! The ceremony will start soon!” 

“Just in time…”, Renji murmured, if the Hotel clerk would have hurried up a bit they would have been here sooner and - 

“Calm down, it’ll be fine…”, Itou carefully brushed Renji’s hair out of his face and picked Ken up, “We’re still on time now let’s find our seats, the ceremony will start soon.” They weren’t too late, a few guests were still standing in the hall, talking to each other, the groom greeted them before making his way to the alter. 

“He looks good, it’s a bit unusual to see Urie in anything but a washed out jeans and an apron,” how would Itou look in - no, no today wasn’t the day to think about that all that mattered was the union that was about to be forged between Urie and Saiko. 

The faint first note of string music was the signal everyone needed to get up from their seats, collective excitement spread through the venue as they all turned to the entrance, watching the bridal company enter. It felt like an eternity until Saiko finally walked into the room, her hair was carefully styled into romantic curls and small side braids that were pinned together at the back of her head, holding up the long white veil that fell down her shoulders and her back.

Her white dress fight tightly around her torso and opened up like a fan falling from her hips, if she had been beautiful before, she must have been etheral at this point, a gentle smile formed on her lips as her eyes met her soon-to-be-husband’s who could barely hold back the tears, smiling brightly, feeling his best man’s hand on his shoulder. 

For many of them it was the first wedding they ever attended, but even if it weren’t it would always be something they’d keep in dear memory. Both Urie and Saiko were nervous, shaking, they held each other’s hands tightly and exchanged loving gazes. After a short speech it was time for their vows, which made not only Urie’s parents cry and their kiss must have been the most intimate but gentle display of affection that was shown to their guests on this very day. 

A shower of white and pink rose petals rained down on newly wed couple as the left the venue to move to the next location, the party would probably last all night but it was something everyone expected and welcomed, especially since it was all for Saiko and Urie. 

After they were out of sight, the guests followed. Ken looked around scanning the ocean of people for a familiar face, but he only knew Shirazu and Mutsuki, he was a little let down, since he expected to see some of his old friends again, but he wouldn’t complain so he only hugged his sensei a little tighter. 

Was he the only one who wanted to come…? 

All pain was forgotten once little Ken stepped into the ballroom the wedding party had rented, all the bright lights and flowers were mesmerising the little boy. It was like they stepped right into a fairytale and Saiko was the centre of it all. She looked just like a princess and Urie like a knight by her side. 

Everyone quickly found their seats, such a long ceremony could easily wear everyone out, dinner was served on fancy white plates, Ken was still a little unsure about not sitting in a highchair but it was okay, sensei helped in after all. Papa was busy talking to the other guests, how odd… usually papa was so quiet but now that he drank the funny juice only other adults got to drink he talked a lot more. It was nice, now papa wasn’t lonely. 

“Open your mouth, Ken,” Itou carefully fed his boyfriend’s son and smiled when Ken made a happy little noise, “Does it taste good?” 

“Yes!”, western food wasn’t too bad after all, it was just a bit odd that they served it… not that he would complain though. Still he really wanted to eat the cake that had been teasing him for quite a while now. 

The adults took so long with eating up their dinner and Ken get a little impatient, he looked at sensei who only patted his head and told him to be patient. If he said so… 

A few adults stood up and started holding speeches, Urie’s papa was crying while he wished his son and daughter in law a long and happy life, the best man and the maid of honour told the story of how Saiko and Urie met. It was a nice story, but Ken didn't quite understand why the adults teared up, there was nothing to cry about. 

Afterall they met fulfilling their dream of working at an orphanage for kids like Ken, that wasn’t a reason to cry at all. If it weren’t for them he would have never met his papas. No no, there was no reason to cry at all or maybe they were just happy that they could finally eat cake. Well, not before Urie and Saiko cut it first, Ken gasped when Saiko smeared the cake all over Urie's face but he did the same. Sensei later told him it was a wedding tradition… such a waste of cake, he would never do that. 

The table with the cakes was shimmering and shining in the gentle light that reflected in the decorations, Ken stretched his little hands out to grab exactly the kind of cake he wanted. Meanwhile Itou tried to grab everything the little boy wanted before they walked back to their table, Renji had joined the ushers in the line for cake so it was up to him to take care of Ken. 

“Do you want me to feed you or can you eat the cake yourself?”, Itou carefully wrapped a napkin around Ken's neck much to the amazement of the parents around him. They came in all age ranges, maybe some of them saw their own children and grandchildren in Ken and him. 

“I'll feed you!”, the little boy clapped in his hands and laughed as he put a spoon full of wedding cake in sensei’s mouth, “Is it good?” 

“Very much so,” it was hard to speak, smile and chew at the same time but he managed, Itou was amazed by how many sweets his boyfriend and his son could eat. The ponytail that Itou had styled so carefully was slowly getting loose and Renji's tie couldn't be found either but he didn't mind. In a quiet moment he placed his hand on his boyfriend's cheek and smiled at him, “I’m glad you're having fun.” 

“Thank you for taking care of Ken…,” maybe it was a little bold but he has to snatch a kiss from his boyfriend, not even the playfully disgusted noise his son made could stop him now. 

Once all the cake was eaten, or how Ken put it, once everyone was tired of sugar they got ready to dance. Everyone stood up and gathered around the free area in the middle of the room, but judging by the tight grip that sensei still had on him, Ken could tell that it wasn't time for them to dance yet. 

The first dance was reserved to the bride and her father, since Saiko had lost hers when she was just a child, Urie’s father took the part. Afterall today two families became one and the closest thing to a father she had was her father in law. They smiled at each other and laughed, it really seemed like they had both been waiting for this day since they first met. 

Now even Ken had a warm and happy feeling in his stomach, Saiko loved Urie's papa, which was good! All papas were good and deserving of love. One day Ken would also dance with his papa, when Ken was grown up and ready to marry someone himself. 

Once the music stopped Urie's papa pulled Saiko in a tight embrace and let his son take the lead for the next dance. Nobody was sure to expect when they hugged tightly before letting go of each other quickly. The sudden change of tune and light scared Ken, he held onto sensei a little tighter feeling tears fill his eyes.

But after a while it was funny to see them dance to a medley of Korean and Japanese pop music, they really did enjoy themselves and seeing them laugh so freely made Ken’s mood lighten again too. The only downside to it was that he also wanted to dance now, but once the music faded and the newly weds bowed, it was time for everyone to join the fun. 

Ken screamed in delight as sensei put him down and Saiko approached him, “Hey there little Ken-Ken! Do you want to dance with me?” She took his hands and they waltzed off to the centre of the room where they performed a rather jumpy and unrhythmically new interpretation of the choreography of Ken’s favourite song. 

“I'm glad he's enjoying himself so much,” it was almost scary how sober Renji sounded all of the sudden. 

“Mhm… I am glad too… he's acting more and more like a child his age should,” Itou laughed as he felt his boyfriend pulling him closer, “You're so cuddly.” 

“Not more than usual…,” he laughed before he kissed the other’s forehead, “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” just before he could kiss him he felt how someone pulled Renji away. 

“Now is not the time! It's time to dance, you owe me this one, big guy,” Mutsuki was seemingly drunk but happy as he pulled Renji into the pit of happily jumping ushers. 

There was a pleasing look in his eyes but Itou only laughed and assured him it's okay, Ken was now dancing with Urie while Saiko was safe in the tight embrace of a friend. Seemed like there wasn't much for Itou to do… 

He took his seat once again and watched the others enjoy the time they spend together. It wasn’t like he didn’t like weddings, but this was the first one he ever attended, there was so much on his mind that he just couldn’t push aside. Today they celebrated the union between two people, two people who were now way too busy to even look at each other, but they seemed to be perfectly content with that. 

Urie was dancing with the Ushers now, while Renji found his way back to Ken, everyone was so busy they barely noticed that Itou had left the scene to catch a breath. He wasn’t the only one though so it should be fine. Did weddings always make people feel so melancholic…? Of course he was happy for the couple that he just met, but no matter how important this day was to them, all he could think about was where his own life would go from this point on. 

At what point did you realise that you want to marry someone? None of his relationships ever lasted so long and now he was dating someone who could never completely focus on him, which was fine… but still. Renji’s top priority would always be Ken, just as it should be. Itou would still go home alone after they’d spend the evenings together, home to an empty flat where he’d just wait for time to pass until another day would start. 

Did people date and marry just to drown out this feeling? Probably. But did he do it? Itou sighed and rubbed over his eyes, in moments like these it was so hard to tell, he loved Renji, but at this point it was so hard to tell if it was enough, enough for something like - 

“What’s with that frown?”, Renji carefully pushed the hair out of Itou’s face and kissed his forehead, “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“...”, should he? There was something anxious in the other’s eyes, was he scared…? “No, it’s fine.” How odd it felt, knowing that someone was genuinely scared to lose him, but the feeling was mutual, “Sorry for making you worry.” Itou pecked his lips and smiled, “I think you owe me a dance.”

“I thought you’d never ask,” feeling their hands intertwine was enough to ease the anxiety, who knew what would come next, right now the only thing that mattered was that they celebrated love, happiness and a union that would hopefully last a lifetime.


End file.
